Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Pure Love Club


About a month ago, I went onto www.pureloveclub.com and came across a very interesting article. The article was about forming a pure love club at a school or college campus. In this club we help each live a life of purity and promote the message, "save sex for marriage." A commitment ceremony has to be held for the first meeting. You also do alot of fundraisers(and activities in the club not for money) to raise money for the club and/or charity and Bible reading reading. This idea appealed to me as soon as I read the title of the article. I said to myself,"This is a great idea! My school needs this!" I feel so strongly about living a pure life and I really want to bring other teenagers together and learn and grow with them. In this club you will also learn about modesty and how to remain pure in relationships. I automatically started making plans and I notified my fellow classmates on facebook.

I got really excited and I started researching and gathering members. The commitment ceremony is what I planned first. There are so many ways to do this and I am already excited.
I even made a pure love club playist.I already have some teachers in mind who would be the main leader. Oh I do hope that the administrators will allow this club! They would right? After all, I had that dream(If you don't have an idea, please read the post called, "The Message") And, I know for a fact that there are going to be a lot of people who will try to bring this club down. You can imagine the kind responses I got.

A girl who apparently was angry about the idea, left some awful messages in my honesty box on facebook. Here is the whole conversation that I had:
umm no sex before marriage
i dont think you can get it after marriage :D - Girl
ohh snapp... that ( )
What? What are talking about? Yeah, no sex before marriage is the right thing to do. -Me
ok dr. phil- Girl
Hmmm who is? - Me
umm dr. phil i told you - Girl
I'm pretty sure you didn't. Please tell me your name. - Me
ohh you guy you have no friends ( )- Girl
No need to be rude. Just tell me your name. I won't get mad or anything.- Me
ok you are so gay stop with all this bull( ) grammar
welcome to the real world honey your welcome as you put it - Girl

There you have it. And apparently, this girl is a "friend" of mine. I am positive. (Honesty box messages are anonymous, by the way) Yes, I am aware that there are going to be students who will be very angry. I don't care. I'm doing this, and if I have to suffer through bashing and teasing (which I probably will) it's all worth in the end. This club is life changing. Saving your virginity for your future spouse is the most precious gift you can give. Hearing chastity talks change my life. I really hope this club will be successful at school. Now the only worries I have are persuading the administrators in two weeks. Ahahah! How can I do so? They have to allow this club. Just because it's a Catholic school, doesn't mean we are all angels. The adults have no idea what kind of crap goes around.

Cheer quote of the day: "Put your pom-poms in the air, and wave 'em like you just don't care!"

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

America

Call me unpatriotic, but I am not proud of this country. Everything is havoc here. Crime is the dark trend that would never end and the government is the reason why we have all this nonsense and mayhem. The education here is not very good compared to some of the other foreign countries, because people are not training the teachers very well and others have just stopped caring. We use to have one of the top education. People are embezzling, raping, and killing each other. Racism is still lingers around.(yet again, racism is everywhere) No, we are not created equal. America is becoming the land of the broken dreams. Our people are hurting and we are sending our men to battle in war. Why? Since when has war solved any problems? I loath war. War shall never be the alternative. We are killing innocent people and America is already in billions of dollars in debt. Literally. Oh America, we are drowning in a black hole.

I think the government is a bunch of bull crap. At some point this year, they were debating if they should make prostitution legal. When I first heard this, I was appalled and disgusted. What are we teaching our young women today? That it's okay to strip and have sex with men who are not our husbands? What kind of craziness is that? What happened to the Ten Commandments? We're suppose to base our laws on those rules. No one is listening. Everyone is suffering. The economy is staggering into disaster and we have to admit that America is running out of money. Teenage pregnancy is now being looked upon which basically promotes premarital sex. I mean really, have they no morals? Why do you want to ruin your future with a pregnancy? Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is a beautiful, beautiful, gift but when you're unwed, it's much more difficult and then you're blinded with negativity.

However, we have alot of great things about America. We have freedom, but it's the "dose" of freedom we have that makes people lose control. From our freedom to our culture, the foreign countries look up to us as models. They admire our music and fashion and look at America like a dream. I remember I went to Ghana(West Africa) about two years ago and the question that was asked the most was, "What's America like?" " I can't wait to come to America!" One thing my mom noticed when she came to this country was that, Americans know how to dance. She said she was thoroughly impressed! It's true, when it comes to our music and dance, we excel. Overall, America has talent. Some of the world's greatest singers and dancers are from here. It's incredible! We have religious freedom, which is truly blessing. This country I have to say, is very family oriented. We love 'love', and we love our families. There is still hope for this country. We need to come as one and work.

Cheer quote of the day: "You have to want to cheer. Defy those sterotypes."

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The older brother I wish I had

I wish I had an older brother. My sisters and I have discussed this with each other before. Whenever there was a bug and none of us wanted to kill it (and if our father weren't home at the time) we would complain and say, "Where's our older brother?" There are other reasons why I would like one. Some of the reasons are hard to explain with words so, those would be left in silence. Sure, older brothers can be annoying from what I've heard. Especially when it comes to their sisters dating boys. But not all of them act that way. My cousins James and J.R are unbelievably overprotective. He even doesn't want me or my sisters to be friends with boys! I actually find his over protectiveness very touching. That's what I like and don't mind having on a daily basis.

I mean I don't actually desire that kind of attention, but it can be quite funny to me. And also, when someone is over protective, it just means they care. But yes, that can get extremely irritating. Especially if parents are that way. I kind of like the 'brotherly way.'James just cares about the girls in his life and yet, he has no respect for the other ones out there. James is a total player. Anyway, My dad can be overprotective but not as much as James. And, J.R is just ridiculous. He slapped me for looking at Zac Efron pictures. *roll eyes* They're both older brothers of sisters and they get slightly overwhelmed because we have a lot of girls in the family. If I had a brother, my mom and dad said that they would name him 'Matt.' "Maybe we have a long lost brother!" I suggested one day. My sisters began to babble at once in agreement, while my mom just laughed. I know, I know. Silly dream.

My dad is hardly ever home and sometimes us girls need some male company. This how I would picture Matt: Strong, over protective and intelligent. He would always be there for the family and he would know what to do when we are stuck in a situation. I mean, I'm not a lousy big sister, it's just that I need an older sibling to help me out as well. I always end up becoming puzzled as my sisters. Basically, I just can't close to the guys in my family. There are only a few of them who are a bit older than me and we barely exchange words with each other.
ahahaha what a dumb post. :/

cheer quote of the day: "Cheerleaders are dancers, gymnasts, and athletes. Tell me what other sport is all three at once."

Monday, July 28, 2008

That face on the magazine

In the near future I am going to become...
The Media Heroine. I am going to transform the world and banish those 'self- image monsters.'
The traitors will die with shock. I am going to save all those who were badly influenced by the media. I'm going to protect their hearts that premarital sex is not true love and getting body transplants to look like Barbie and Ken is not real beauty. I am going to speak in God's name and open up the world with the Bible. I will reveal the truth. This is the fame, I want. I want to be that face on the magazine- the face that saved many. I spread the right messages and send people to the right path. Airbrushing will be frowned upon and poor self image will be nonexistent. Modesty will definitely always be in style. I will defy stereotypes.Is all this possible, nonetheless realistic? That is for me to decide. I will change the media one step at a time. Taking large doses will be toxic and I would surely fail. My first project- Saving the guys and defining the meaning of purity.

Girls(as I have stated before) get too much attention. Our problems are recognized and there are now solutions. Often we blame the guys and forget that they have problems too. I will research and hold all kinds of conferences by guys and for guys. Of course, this would be a major challenge considering the fact that I'm a girl. No worries, though. I am willing to do this. I am determined. But how will I start this? A question with no answer. I can't just start from scratch. I have to put myself out there somehow. Defining the meaning of purity and expressing the definition to the world, will probably be the most difficult. Not everyone believes the "sex is for marriage only" rule. But, I'll prove it to all the nonbelievers. They'll see.

I've always craved fame. And I've been dreaming about it even more during and after my first trip to L.A this past April. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a movie star. When I turned nine, I started to write. I forgot acting(although I never really pursued it) and just worked on stories and poems. Writing gave me confidence and security. As I grew older and entered middle school, I knew I wanted to become a famous author. ( For a short period of time during this summer, I thought God was calling me to become a chastity speaker. )Bigger than Stephen King and perhaps J.K Rowling. I wanted to walk on red carpets at premieres, go to exclusive interviews and pose for various photoshoots. The disadvantages of fame never stung me.(paparazzi. And yes, they do destroy lives. I am a fighter. They will not hurt me. Paparazzi will not be allowed to cross lives)

Ha, it's sounds like I'm running for President and I can just change America with a wink of a eye. But, I know I want to be known for something important.I know what I want. Hard to believe? Yes I am aware that just two days ago I was incredibly clueless on what I wanted in my life. I did some thinking and a little research. I'm actually thinking of becoming a counseling psychologist. I love helping others with problems and giving advice. Then perhaps, I can write and cheerlead on the side. That to me sounds grand. And top all of that, I will tangle the dark whispers and lies from the media and burn them with the truth.

Cheer quote: "Cheer hard. Live well."


Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sorry, I don't believe you

Horoscopes. Fortune cookies. Etc.
Why must I base my life on those things? They're not real. Horoscopes are not even the same in every magazine and newspaper, so why must I follow what they say? One might say you'll find your heart's desire by the full moon and another might say that a conflict is coming your way. Horoscopes and some of the fortunes that come from fortune cookies are just written by a bunch of writers. ( I am aware that sometimes the fortunes from fortune cookies are pieces of advice instead of predictions)Sure, they're fun to read, but if you fully base your life on these things , then prepare for a major shock. Maybe some things may occur but, that's called coincidence . It's against my faith to believe. After all, we can't take control of our lives, no matter how hard we try.
Only God can.
Cheer quote of the day:"We cheerleaders are peppy and happy and get front row seats to the game!" Author Casey, Eureka, CA, USA

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Me & You- That Self Discovery Boat


"Welcome! Welcome! And hop onto the Self Discovery Boat! Take one look in the mirror and tell me what you see..."
When I look in the mirror... I still can't see myself and I can't see my future. I feel like I'm walking aimlessly in life. I only have two more years in highschool and I have no idea what college I would like to go to or what I want to do. Yes of course I can look into writing, but that's not the only thing I have. Or... is it? I've been struggling to find all sorts of things that I can excel in. Cheerleading I'm learning slowly, but that takes time. I don't even know what I am. I can't even describe myself. Maybe I am not the only one. Do you know who you are? And, why does it take a lifetime to complete the journey of self-discovery? We try many things and we may excel, but all those things don't really form our personality and who we are as a person. The future is coming much to fast for my liking. Writing cannot be the only thing that I have to offer. It's just not possible for me just to have that one gift. Those hidden talents can't take a lifetime. They need to emerge from heart and burst forth.I am growing impatient and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Cheer quote of the day: " GOOOOOOOOO cheerleaders, woo!"

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Sweetest Somewhat Indescribable Things Part Two

The gift of voice
What a beautiful gift.
The ability to just grab a mic and just make beauiful music is power. To have your voice bring happiness and awe to an audience, is phenomonel. I wish I had the gift of voice. I sing yes, when I'm alone and there isn't anyone to make fun. My best friend told me I wasn't bad but I dream of having Mariah Carey's voice. Hearing her sing brings shivers down my spine. Hearing anyone sing beautifully brings me shivers. I liked making music when I was little, and my sister Caroline would always be the one drumming on the diaper dispenser. I would sing and Caroline would drum and dance.

I loathed dancing then. Now, I can't stop. Caroline has got the gift. She can sing really, really, well. My parents have realized this too. But, my dad doesn't think a professional singer is a good profession. He doesn't want us to be involved in the media, but I do. For a whole different reason. The gift of voice is so sweet. So precious. So if you have it, cherish it. Thank God for blessing you with such an incrediable talent. Don't waste it, because there are alot of people who yearn for the ability that you have.

Good Memories
Ah yes, those memories. Your first kiss, your first love, the academic success that made you feel good. Any memory that makes you feel good is of course, a good memory. Good memories are like scenes from a movie that we can hit replay incessantly. But why do they makes us feel good? Because everything went as planned at that moment or what? Something little or big must of happened at that moment to make it complete. Maybe something went astray, then all the sudden the problem was resolved.

Compliments
" You look nice." "You look beautiful." "Lookin good, man!" Compliments makes anyone feel good about themselves. They're really ego boosters. So,take every compliment you receive, because you look different in someone else's eyes. Don't deny those nice compliments. I find that whenever I get a compliment from the opposite sex, I feel much better! Admit it! Guys, if a girl complimented you it has much more significant effect. You too girls!

Cheer tip of the day: " Practice! Practice!"


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Perfectionism

What does the word 'perfect' say to you? After all, words have 'voices' too don't they? The meaning of perfect- no marks. no flaws. no mistakes. How is that possible in this world? So many of us strive for perfection in everything, especially when it comes to the physical appearance and really our life in general. Some of us don't like mistakes, especially if they're obvious. Some of us want to be the best of the best. Perfectionism is not a good thing. One mistake can destroy your ego just a bit and your 'perfection drive' is much more wild than ever before. You fear failure. Perfectionism can damage you. It can effect the way you approach things and interact with others. It's a really what I call , an 'ego decreaser'. Sure we all want success, but mistakes are not bad to face.

Mistakes help us to learn and grow and give us silent messages on how we should act next time. I think, perfectionism is not only dealt with one person. It can be someone else forcing you to be perfect.You may call that pressure, but to me ,that's really perfectionism.Perfection cannot be achieved. It's unhealthy and unrealistic. People who are perfectionists actually have no self respect for themselves. Why? One mistake can cause them an emotional turmoil. They can't accept things to go out of place. But why not? That's life. Things go out of order and out of place. That's just the way it is. I have to admit, I aim high at times- with my writing. When it comes to my writing, I can be a little touchy.

I want every thing I post on here to be nice to read, but then I realized that there are some days where I don't feel like blogging and my post may sometimes reflect that. I really like my readers. :) And I certainly don't want to bore them. I don't think that's perfectionism. That's called being a high achiever. Being a high achiever is good for you. It's healthy and it can really gain the success you really crave. Alot of women and girls are perfectionists. We always want to please people by looking pretty or prove that we have brains.
No one can is perfect but God.
cheer tip of the day: "Do twenty-five leg lifts on each leg every single day and you're toe touches will be amazing."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Beast

Just last week I learned something new about myself.
I can get very angry. My little sister decided to vandalize my room and wanted to make me upset. Oh yeah, I was upset. Big time. I started blowing up at her and I forced her to help me clean my room. What was the point of destroying my room? To prove what? But the reason why the situation headed off into a dangerous path, because anger existed. If I hadn't blown up and caused a fit then no one would of been upset. Going to bed with rage is not 'comfortable.' So, what causes anger? Anything can cause anger . To me anger feels like fire. It can spark up and transform into a rageful beast within you. The fire may get so powerful that tears may begin to spring up and sometimes, self control becomes a struggle. Anger can destroy things very easily.

Anger can set the human off somewhere else and some people may do things to realse the beast in unhealthy ways. I rarely get angry. A lot of things don't bother me... I think. (Hmmm self discovery takes time doesn't it. LOL) But when something bad happens and I don't like it at all, I'll show it. My friends know this and my family should know this. (*cough *cough little sister) When you're angry, breath. Just close your eyes and breath through your nose slowly. Don't frown or clench your fists, just breath. The fire will die down and the beast won't arise. Cursing when angry makes matters worst, since curse words are very dirty and have rage "written" in them anyway. I actually felt pretty bad for yelling with such indignation. I've never done that before. I don't know why I decided to blow up at a situation so little. That's not me.
At all.

cheer quote of the day: "Cheer your best! Don't give up. Chin up. Poms raised high, voices loud and proud."

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Message


I think God is trying to send me a message. I honestly think so.
Last night, I had a dream. It wasn't your ordinary dream where most of the time things don't make sense. This dream had something to do for what I've been praying about. I remember bits and pieces of it but it's difficult to describe. For quite sometime, I've been praying and asking God for guidance for the Pure Love Club at my school. What is the Pure Love Club you ask? It is a club where we promote the message, "Save sex for marriage." (I will go into more detail next week) I got the idea off http://www.pureloveclub. net and then I said to myself, "My school should have this!" The only worries I have are persuading the school to have this club and the amount of people who are willing to join. I've gathered some members now, because I know for a fact that the school can't let this club down.

I feel so so passionate about living a pure life. I've talked about it to people who are struggling with purity and even a close guyfriend. I think if I put out this message and talk about the gifts you will receive for waiting, I think a lot of people would think twice about their sexual decisions. Anyway, in this dream Fr. Lopez (a priest at my school) had this activity to determine who was the chosen to save the school in sake of purity.
All remember was a bloody fingerprint on my finger and my friend Mel said to me, "It's you."
Could it be?
Cheer quote of the day: " We've got the liooon pride, woo! We've got the liooon pride, woo! We got the lion PRIDE lion PRIDE lion PRIDE, lionlionlion, PRIDE PRIDE PRiDE!!" (Lol, my school cheer)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Communications-"He was like 'yeah', and I was like, "Whaat?"


I've always wondered why boys and girls, men and women are unable to communicate very well. It frustrates me and I wish we can naturally understand each other. We're obviously clueless with each other when it comes to forming relationships and dating, and other things such as friendship. Females and males just don't think the same. That's how God made us. Females and males are suppose to differentiate in thinking. Sometimes, it's hard for me to accept that. I mean, why else would people write books on the male and female mind? Everything is a mystery! A boy may say something so simple, and then the girl would overanaylzes it! Especially since teenagers aren't the smartest in the world, it's even more puzzling. Does he like me? What does she mean?

My guyfriend, James is one confusing guy. Honestly. I can't talk to him without being confused. He's sweet and very nice to talk to but, all this misunderstanding business drives me crazy. Sometimes, he just doesn't make sense. Anyway, I'm not very good with communicating with guys. Guys are just... guys. Normal creatures. And, I treat them as such. It's just that I can't speak their language and alot of them at school don't like me very much. I only have a few good ones; most of my friends are girls. :) I just can't relate to them. I'm all about the glitter, the hair bows, the dresses, the makeup. I'm extremely girly. That's probably the reason, but oh well. I'm embracing my femininity.

Last Wednesday, my sister and I met these REALLY REALLY cute guys at the park from our church and not only was I dressed weird(choo choo trains shirt to jog in. Baaad idea) but I was babbling like an idiot! Ugh. I think part of the reason why face to face communication is so bad because, everyone is texting or facebooking or something. We are all transfixed to technology. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but we spend to much time with it. Teenagers are guilty of this. I, for one hate texting but I do it anyway, because alot of my friends like to text. I like talking on the phone much better, especially when I have a lot to say. Why are we so hooked with Internet chatting and texting? Because, no one can see us. We can say whatever we want and if we end up embarrassing ourselves, no one can see us blush or we can just shut down the computer. We can identities, spread rumors and do just about anything on the internet. Sometimes, without getting caught.


Cheer quote:" S-c-a-r-e-d we've got them scared, woo! Shaking their knees!" *clapclap* (Hahah I learned that cheer when I was in second or first grade at a girl scouts camp)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Rose Valentine Part One

February 17, 2008
10:35pm
Note to self:
Girl, you are NOT ready for this relationship! Quit second guessing yourself and look deep into your heart. You know you have no desire for a boyfriend. Don't force yourself, girl. Are you ready for that first kiss? Are you ready to take care of that boy? NO. You are not mature enough. You are simply not ready for this. You're not even sure if you really really like him or if he really, really, likes you! He doesn't even have the guts to admit it, much less give you a simple greeting in the hallway! Don't you want a man? A real man? He's sweet, he's intelligent, and his eyes set you on fire, but his words do not touch you. You really don't know him at all, do you?
No... you don't. And, he doesn't even know you that well either. Does he know your hopes and dreams? What touches you or makes tears slither down your cheeks? Does he know your strong commitment to purity, your love for white roses? Does he know that you feel terribly alone, that for some reason you seem to disconnect from people? That, your heart's desires are fame and true love? NO. This boy hasn't taken the time to pursue your mind. You like communication and he "can't speak". Don't waste your time, girlie. Don't chase after a boy. Forget about him. Find a guy who actually meets your standards. Just concentrate on those a's.

With undying love,

Rose <3

Cheer quote of the day:" The spirit is always in heart and sparkles in the eyes."

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Poll

What is more important? Your faith or your education? Here are the results:
Your faith 9 (42%)
Education 7 (33%)
They both go hand and hand 4 (19%)
other 1 (4%)
I would choose faith. Why? Sure, education is extremely important. If you don't get an good education, you won't get a good job. Educating the mind should never finish. You must learn, and learn, and learn. But, can education solve the personal problems in our lives? Can it give us comfort, and spritiuality when we need something to fall back on?
No.
I choose faith because in my religion, we read the Bible and the Bible has the answers to every question about life. A chemistry textbook will not give me the apporiate answers. It will not lead me closer to Christ and save my soul after death. Faith builds moral character and education builds the mind. But which one would "save" you after death? Faith.
What did you choose? Explain your answer.

Cheer quote of the day:Be aggressive be-e aggressive!"; author "Jamie, SC, USA"

Friday, July 18, 2008

Birthdays

My birthday is the fifth of February, and each year I celebrate it. Sometimes instead of having a party, I do cake and family. Those are always the best. I was also thought that birthdays are meant to be cherished and celebrated, because it was the day God gave us life and the first day you were placed in your mother's arms. Birthdays are more special than we think. I've always wondered why( as people get much older) some people stop celebrating their birthdays are they treat it just like any other day. Is it because become old and elderly is frowned upon?(Like my eighth grade orchestra teacher said, "None of us are getting any younger.") Why is that? What is wrong with being old? Because of wrinkles and canes? Honestly, I think being old is a gift. God gave you a long life full of all sorts of things to look upon. How is that bad? And as for wrinkles, so what? No need to boxtox them- unless you want to look unnatural. I wonder... why is a cake always used for birthdays? That probably goes way back into history, and I am not obliged to go into depths about that, more less research that. I just love, love, birthdays because they're such fun. On my next birthday I'm turning sixteen and that is a huge deal for me. Not only can I drive(psh, still don't have that permit though.) but I can finally see myself into becoming an adult. My future is coming alot faster than I expected.

Cheer quote of the day:"If it's in your heart, it shows in your spirit." Author Brookie-woo, Edmonton, AB Canada

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Size Matters?


The pressure to have the "bigger boobs" and the " the bigmanly triceps" is getting higher than ever before. And of course, all this unnecessary nonsense is coming from the media and is targeting today's young people. These models the post all over the place are giving us false images of the "perfect people". Really, there is no such thing as the 'perfect person' but, people still airbrush these models. Everything is airbrushed. Why isn't anyone good enough? I have to say that the media are monsters. They don't realize how many lives they have destroyed and how many minds they are corrupting. It's disgusting, and it makes me so mad! And the media does it so well that they suck in a good amount of people. According them, if guys aren't "buff enough" or tall enough and if girls don't have big breasts, they are not considered beautiful. And unfortunately, they're are alot of people out there with these false images glued in their mind and that becomes their ultimate goal- to become what the media created. The pressure to be model stick thin for girls/women is rising. You don't have to be a size zero to be attractive. And guys don't have to have a six-pack to be considered handsome. I have noticed that alot of my guyfriends are hitting the gyms and working out nowadays.

Now, I'm not trying to say working out is bad, but from what I've seen from my guyfriends and some of the guys from my year (who are mostly athletes) that they are doing alot of excess benching. The benching has now been a competition for them. It's ridiculous, and I highly doubt they're benching to increase endurance and all that for the sports they play. They're doing it for the girls and I am not impressed. One of my guyfriends (His name is Derek) would flex in my face and make comments such as, "I'm getting stronger", and I would just give him a "I don't care" look. I could honestly care less if some guy had a six pack or 'manly triceps.' Those things don't matter to me- they don't shouldn't matter at all. Guys shouldn't be pressured to become the big 'alpha man' to get attention from girls. The media is telling them to do so and that's just not right. Yes, I've been a victim of following suit of the media when it comes to breast size. The thing is, I'm tiny. I'm about 5'2 and my weight is about average, I think. So therefore, I'm pretty flat chested. It use to bother me alot, considering the fact that my sister(who's a year younger than me) had bigger breasts than me and most of the girls in my year had breasts the size of a grown women.

Then I realized that breasts are just... well breasts! Just like hair, is just hair. I've learned to accept my body and not let the parts of it define who I am. When people make fun, I ignore it. They're shallow anyway and unlike them I don't pay attention to size. Sure, if I stop growing I can get surgery, but is all that pain and hassle worth it? How is changing a part of my body for now reason benefical for me in any way? I've got a lot to offer to the world; my heart and talents. Body not included.
Cheer quote of the day:Fly high, do or die, dare to dream, cheer extreme." Author Kara, WC, Ohio, USA "Ability may be what takes you to the top, but it is character that keeps you there." Author Katie, Clinton, MS, USA


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

You can't take control

It's your life.
Not mine.
It's his life.
Not hers.
But who really controls it?
Not you. Shocking?
God the Father is the one who gave us life. He is the only one who can grant us the kind of forgiveness no human can give to another human. His undying mercy and love is one of the best gifts we can ever receive. God gives us so many chances to get to heaven, but how many chances do we gave Him to control our lives and listen to the messages he gives us? Now, what I mean by controlling is not like a puppet with strings. In our lives, God sends us a calling because only God knows what's best for us. If God wants you to be a firefighter, you be a firefighter. If God wants you to be a teacher, you be a teacher. If you ask God to send you His calling and place your aches and sorrows in His hands, everything will go into place at the right time. I know as humans, we want the quick answer- the fastest results, but sometimes that doesn't happen that way. God is in charge of everything. Instead of marching around looking for that fairy tale story, let God send you that special person. We cannot demand God want we want for Him to do. We can ask and we shall be given the best results. And then it's up to us to take it or leave it. Most likely, we'll take it.

Sure we can "control" our lives. We can make decisions and all that but seriously, ponder on it.God is the only one who decides if we shall live another day or if our time is done on earth. It's never our choice. We can't control death. If it comes... it comes and that's a gift. Death? A gift? Of course! Forever, you will be with the Almighty God! No stress, no tears, nothing! It would be better than earth, better than anything else. Or... if you are destined to go to hell, burning in flames for eternity.

Cheer quote of the day:"Cheerleading...not just flirts in skirts!" Author Ashlee

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Emotional


Last night on my way to cheerleading, I was feeling (for some reason) very emotional. My eyes were watering and I was consistently trying to blink them away. I was in the car with my dad, who loathed tears, so I didn't have a choice. All day I was trying to practice my cheerleading- to get the perfect round-off and I guess (as I was thinking about it) I was getting a bit frustrated and stressed. But then again, I don't think that's the reason. I just felt melancholy for no reason. I felt like crying for no reason. I normally don't cry alot. I know there's nothing wrong with crying but sometimes I just want to hold it in. I hate the fact that girls and women can get very emotional because alot of people look down on that. But, being emotional helps us be sympathetic towards other people, which makes women care and nuture for their children. I don't know.... I am baffled. Why was I feeling down about nothing? Is that even possible? Well on my way back from cheering, the tears actually did come and instantly I stopped them short so my dad wouldn't see. I hate crying. Is that a bad thing?
Cheer quote:"Cheerleading is the best out there!!! Cheerleaders rock!! for all the teams out there good luck and keep cheering!!!"; author "Kayla, MA, USA"

Monday, July 14, 2008

Food


At the age of ten food became my enemy. I would eat it, but I would intentionally eat very small portions. I looked half starved and weak. No one really suspected that I was going through an internal battle with my self-image. People just thought I was going through a phase or something. At that time, I would constantly weigh my self on scale, had frequent back pains, and the intense fear of becoming fat. I didn't necessarily strave myself, I just didn't eat enough... purposely. I remember one night my family and I went to a friend's house to eat and although the meal tasted so delicious, I barely finished my plate. " Rose just starved herself." She joked. I was in the dining room when I heard my mother say those words. I ignored them and just shrugged. I thought I was doing the right thing of not eating alot to stay thin. I thought I was okay. I'm not even sure what I was going through back then. Was it really an eating disorder or just an act of self-hatered? Was it a little of both? I honestly don't think I went through an eating disorder, I was just having this uncontrollabe vision of becoming fat. This ordeal went on for about a year, I think. I remember all this vaguely. Towards the end of fifth grade I changed my mind about what I call, "half starving myself. What changed my mind, you ask?

Well, in fifth grade the girls and guys were giving this puberty talk(seperately) and the guest speaker talked to the girls on how being too thin would delay puberty. You won't develop breasts soon enough and your period may come later. I must admit, I was concerned at that age. I wanted breasts and I wanted my period. So gradually, I ate- properly. Now, I can't stop eating. LOL. :) But there is someone I am concerned about- my little sister who is ten years old. Jenny, is her name. And Jenny loves food. She devours on sweets and junk food and would not stop eating those kinds of things. She just can't. I honestly don't think my mom knows what an eating problem is, because her lame " She's going through a growth spurt" does not always fit in the eating situation. But, I'm getting really concerned because the doctor said that she's a bit overweight. Caroline and I (my other sister-14 years old) try to get Jenny to take walks with us (we even gave her a talk) but the little girl won't budge. She simply does not care and it's killing me to see this girl just eating junk without a care in the world about her health.

Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm still going through an eating problem. I'm trying to gain weight for the wrong reasons but yet again I'm working out and trying to eat healthier because of cheerleading and my tummy fat. Why do some many girls and women go through such eating ordeals? Here are my views: One, the female body gets too much attention. In general, us girls get too much attention. For example, weddings. When the bride walks down the ailse, all is hushed and everyone has their eye on that bride. But when the groom comes, there is no stunning silence and sometimes no awe. Why? I don't know. Two, girls and women are prone to get sucked into the media a bit more easily than guys. Once again, that all goes back to getting too much attention. However, I think the celebrities go through more hell than anyone else when it comes to body image. Celebrities get insecure, probably alot worse than we do since they are told to "change this, change that," everyday.

Cheer quote of the day:"Cheerleading sneakers...$50; Cheerleading Camp...$130; Cheerleading uniform...$175; Being the Cougar Coach and seeing their smiles after coming in second place at CYO competition...PRICELESS" Author Lisa, Staten Island, NY, USA

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Remedy to nightmares


On Saturday night, I had this crazy-wild dream. I was in a house with my school librarian and she was holding a gun. I was screeching a message, " YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR HUSBAND," then, the librarian pointed the gun to my face and I woke up. It wasn't all that scary, but it was odd. Freaky, and I was afraid to get out of bed. But, I had to get out of bed to use the bathroom. I know, I know, I am such a baby. :/ Anyway, I eventually got up. My house is big and it gets pitch black at night. You cannot see a thing. I kept looking both ways to make sure I was... safe. Afterwards, I entered my room and got down on my knees and prayed the Hail Mary.(I'm Roman Catholic by the way)
Hail Mary full of grace,
The Lord is with you,
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of they womb
Jesus, Holy Mary Mother of God
Pray for us sinners, now and at
The hour of our death
Amen.
Praying the Hail Mary is my remedy to cast away nightmares. It works all the time. I also read the Bible (Exodus Ch.1) to make me feel better. I hardly ever read the Bible, and that is not a good thing. Us Catholics aren't very good on reading the Bible. See. There is a cure to nightmares: prayer. Prayer is more powerful than you think.

Well, after all that I went back to sleep and yet, I had another dream. It wasn't scary at all, just a bit sad. I had a dream about my dead math teacher. :(

* You can read the previous post if you want to know what's going on with me.
Cheer quote of the day:"To cheer or not to cheer? What a stupid question!!" Author cheerchick101, Canada

The 411


So what's going on with me? Let's take a look.
I went to this awesome summer picnic with my mom and my sisters. The food and music was amazing, and it was alot of fun. There were alot of guys there who looked about my age, but I didn't bother to make conversation. It was really hot today and I was sweating profusely in my sun dress. I didn't feel very pretty at all. After the picnic, we went grocery shopping then we went to church. A few hours later, Caroline and I (my sister) went to the park to burn off all the junk we had at the picnic. Unfortunately, our plan didn't go so well. The park was having a large event and there was a huge crowd of people scattered all over the place. My sister and I were kind of ticked, because we wanted space to run and I really needed place to practice my tumbling. (My body was sore for four days and I haven't been able to practice at all) So, we didn't do much. And today, I think we're going back. Tommrow I have cheer and that's just about it. Just cheer for next week. Nothing else to look forward to.
Man. What a boring life.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Those things that set my restless heart on fire

Dreams.
So what are your dreams? Go on... tell me. I am your secret keeper. I won't tell a soul. I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours. My dreams are special like everyone else. They may seem far-fetched and impossible, but to me they're my dreams, the scenes in my life that put me to sleep. The lullabies that hush me when I weep. Dreams are joy, hope, and faith. The scenes in our lives we are allowed to create. Sometimes these things called dreams, disappear and fade. We may struggle on our way to achievement. We trip and fall- we fail. We face rejection that crinkles our hearts and feel tears that will never dry off our face. Or simply, we lose interest. Dreams are not entitled for just a specific group- young and old, poor or rich, we all have dreams.
I've noticed that children have big dreams. Without the knowledge of the 'real' world they create all kinds of things. Their belief is strong and will-powered. I remember when I was a little girl I wanted to be a movie star. I lost interest in that and I got into writing. Here, I'll list my dreams Note, that they are not in order.
1) A famous author. Just like J.K Rowling. I want my stories to become the next "Harry Potter" epic
2) Cheerleader forever and ever(maybe become pro??) till my bones are brittle and until my voice could not be heard but in whispers.
3) Find true love
4) Maybe become a talk show host for teens??
That's just about it. For now, I guess. But don't forget this: Don't let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams. I know you've probably heard that a million times, but it's true and it's worth going by. What someone may think is impossible may be possible to you.

Cheer quote of the day:"A cheerleader is like an elastic, their flexible, they stretch and spring, they get snapped into the air, they do hair, but with too much stress they can break..........cheer hard, love life." Author Sara, Alberta, Canada

What are your dreams? <3

Friday, July 11, 2008

The Sweetest Somewhat Indescribable Things Part One

Ever wondered if hugging could be therapeutic? Well believe or not, it is. There are several articles on the Internet about hugging, but I'm just going to write out my reasons straight from the heart. One of the reasons why hugging is therapeutic because it feels good. It feels nice for someone to wrap their arms around you, to felt that sudden wave of warmth and comfort.Hugs make me feel protective- as if that person can protect me from whatever bad feelings I felt for just a few seconds. Or that that particular person cares for me. Do any of you readers feel the same way? I also think one of the reasons why some people like hugging is because it let's us get close to people. People like getting close to other people. Some like to hug when they haven't seen each other for a long time, because they've been far apart from each other. Hugging a stranger maybe more therapeutic. Why?

Well if I were in pain and some stranger hugged me, I would feel as if that stranger can feel my sorrow and is trying close out all other bad feelings that try to invade me. I would already have the knowledge that my loved ones would care, but a stranger? No. Once again, it all goes back feelings. Hmm I don't know. The feelings you can get from hugging somewhat vary. Some people just like it because it feels nice. Hugging can actually make pain go away, little bits and pieces at a time.

Candy Rain
Candy is delicious. It call comes in different shapes and sizes, flavors and colors. When people get upset, some resort to sweet things such as candy to help them feel better. I know I do, and once again I don't know why. I guess it's because candy is nice to eat. If you're feeling bad, anything nice and warm and fuzzy or sweet makes you feel good. I love candy- the sweetness melting on my tongue and the joy of it all.
Holding Hands
Holding hands is intimate. Much more intimate than kissing, I was told. Holding hands is like forming a lock between people. It's like telling the world, "Nothing can break us apart." Holding hands with someone shows the world that you care for that certain person, and that there touch brings relief and comfort. It's all based down on love.

Thoughts? Comments? Please let me know. <3
Cheer quote of the day:"Wimps lift Weights, Cheerleaders lift People" Author Stephanie, PA, USA

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Modesty is always in style


Guard your body and shield your heart
Because anyone can just take it apart.
Modesty is always and forever will be in style. Modesty is God's trend. We must protect and clothe our bodies with grace and beauty. This does not mean 'frumpiness' or dressing like grandmother. In this time and generation, it is hard to guard our bodies, especially for us girls. Everywhere and everything promotes something sexual; low-cut shirts, incredibly short skirts, etc. Whenever I see a girl dressed imodestly,I automaticly say, "That girl's just asking for it." But then yet again, maybe that girl was trying to look cute and just wanted to turn heads. Us girls always want to look pretty and that's not a bad thing. How we dress matters. It sends a message to the world on who we are.

Our clothes don't fully define us who we are- they tell the world that we are either guarding our bodies and our hearts or we're asking anybody to take advantage. For anybody. You can still look pretty and cute with clothes covering your body. For example, that picture that I uploaded above. Look at her. Her outfit is modest and it's cute. Shopping for modesty is not that easy, however especially in this generation. It just takes alittle more effort but you'll thank yourself later when REAL guys give your heart a chance and you don't allow the guys who are not your husband stare at the parts of your body. We must treat our bodies as a temple of God.

Crystalina Evert, my favorite chastity speaker said," Don't walk around sending the message that your body is the best part of you-implying that your heart, mind, and soul aren't so important. Instead, say with modesty, "I'm worth waiting to see." I know it's hard to dress modestly.(especially during the summer when it's hot) I struggle just like anyone else. One time, my highschool had a Sadie Hawkins dance and my dress was so unbelievably low-cut(I don't know what the heck I was thinking and when I look back, I can't believe my mom let me buy it!) that we had to buy a shawl for it so it can look like I tried to be modest. Well, during the dance my shawl was unraveling and my guyfriend Joe, actually came up to me and told me that my dress was too revealing! Imagine how he was feeling, me tempting him to lust over my body just because I wanted to look pretty. I felt so terrible, but I'm glad Joe told me so. Since that day, I make an extra effort to shop for modesty. Just because you're not wearing a tight shirt or a short skirt doesn't mean guys are not going to pay attention to you. Guys who pay attention to girls who dress trashy, are just paying attention to her body. By the end of the day, dressing inmodestly does not benefit you in any way. So, how do guys dress imodestly? Here are my views:

Baggy pants and flashing the boxers. To me, that is totally unflattering. It's disgusting! Since when has flashing boxers and pulling up your pants been attractive? And believe it or not, a guy walking around with no shirt on for no apparent reason is also immodest. Hard to believe ? Thanks to this world, we've become immuned to it. But admit it girls, when we see a guy without a shirt on just walking around, you tend to look right? That makes girls lust. Even if it's just a glance.
Modesty is not only in clothing but, in dancing as well. Bumping/grinding and all that nonsense invites the opposite sex to your body, and not to your heart. So, if you really want respect, look the part.


Cheer quote of the day: Cheerleading is one of the most physically demanding sports. I don't know what I would do without cheerleading. It relieves stress." Author Dani, OH, USA

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

If you get too close... I might not let you go.

My girls.
Mel, Evan, and Lexi. Some calls us a clique, but I call them my sisters. Every single one of them has my back. When I crumble and fall, they lift me up. Mel inspires me the most. She's intelligent and artistic, and has the qualities of a true friend. Evan gives me guts and confidence. She's "miss independent" and has taught me the meaning of girl power. And lastly, Lexi. She's heartfelt and romantic. She is a dreamer- the dreamer. All this girl wants is love. I am attached to all three of them- not clingy, but I'm attached. I love them all so much. I don't think I can let go.

My cousin.
Nicole. She is so close to Christ that the closeness motivates me to be in her place. She has taught me so much about faith. I can tell Nicole just about anything and I always get the right answer. We are so close that at one point my sister accussed me of "hogging" her. I don't know; maybe I was at the time, maybe I am. But, I'm the only one who calls her on a regular basis. How can you not expect us to get close? Her brother gets very jealous and yet, he doesn't like talking to me so I honestly don't know what his problem is. All I know is that, I don't hog people. It's just that I want people to get close to me. I don't know why. I want to feel bonds with other people, I want to feel a connection. You can't call that selfish. I just want to be accepted and liked and loved by others. There are certain people that I just can't get close to. They won't allow it- or the friendship is half broken. It's diffcult for me to explain... maybe I do hog people if they get too close. I don't want them all to myself, I just don't want them to drift away from me.

My sister.
Caroline is her name. We are only one year apart and we are unbelieveably close. We are always together, and we're always talking and sharing secrets. Caroline is my best friend. If any of you readers have a sister who you are close with, you would understand the closeness and the connection. If I see her get close to anyone else, I might not let go.
Time to break a bad habit.


UPDATE ON MY LIFE-Cheerleading was awesome!!! It's the best thing I have EVER done. I was sore, tired, and sweaty but I was still happy and smiling. The gym is so comfortable; they played music in the backround. It's not easy, I know that. It's tough but the coachs there are really good and they care about you. The other girls there are really friendly as well. My friend Mel(she's part of the reason why cheerleading was made possible for me) said that her cohort, Chris(not the school hottie) is looking for a pure, innocent, good girl to be with. He said that the girls at his school are trashy and he's not into girls who don't respect themselves. " Rose, Chris would really like you, and you would really like him. He's so sweet!" Hmm.... well we were suppose to meet up on Monday but I had cheer. "When do I get to meet him?" I asked, eagerly. "Soon, Mel repiled. "Before summer ends."


"It doesn't matter what people think about cheerleading, if it's something that you love to do than that's all that counts." Author Jade, Barbourville, KY, USA




Tuesday, July 8, 2008

You can't shield me any longer... I already know too much



Sorry Mom.
Sorry Dad.
But I already know what happens... you can't shield me any longer.
You know, whenever the radio or the television brings something up that has to do with the sex, my mom or my dad quickly grab the remote and change the channel or they will tell me to go to another room. Usually I would just shrug that off. After all, I already know what's going to happen. It's kind of annoying though, because my dad will not let me watch Juno just because it has teen pregnancy. Us teenagers and even kids know too much about sex. Sometimes, music is to blame as well. But the thing that puzzles me is why my parents have never even talked about sex or dating with me. Well with dating, my mom just said wait till college. Long ago, I found this book in my dad's office called, "How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex." Slightly shocked, I snatched the book from it's place and I showed it to my sister.(She's 14) We laughed knowing that our parents would never discuss such things with us. But why not? I would like to hear my parent's views but that is never going to happen. I know one thing's for sure though: NO sex till marriage. I've made a commitment to remain a virgin till marriage for my future husband for the sake of my soul.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Cheerleading



At five thirty I started to prepare for cheerleading which started one hour after that. I had to ready myself early, considering the fact that I had to shower, put my contacts on, fix my hair and do my makeup. I can never get ready in thirty minutes. It takes me at least an hour. At six, my dad was still not home and I started to get a little worried. I didn't want to be late- especially on my first day. When the clock struck six fifteen, he arrived-stressed and rushed. Well, we didn't make it on time and although I was disappointed, the coach moved me to a different class. I'm actually kind of glad that my dad and I didn't make it on time. Mondays were very inconvenient for him and I felt bad for making him feel stressed and overwhelmed with his tight schedule. I had a chance to cheer today,(for about thirty minutes with my coach) but I backed out. My dad had a lot of things to do. I can wait till tomorrow.

I get to cheer three times a week now, Monday through Wednesday for as long as I want to. I wish I can cheer everyday but, oh well. I still regret not trying out for my school squad, though. That would of been alot more convenient. I am really excited! :) The coaches are in really good shape(they have to be anyway) so I am bound to learn well. I can hardly wait till tomorrow! The only big thing I have to work on are backhand springs. By April of next year(school tryouts) I should be ready and make it on junior varisty. So wish me luck! I'm going to be the best cheerleader I can be. I've prayed so hard for this. I don't think anyone understands how serious I am about this.

Besides that, nothing else went on today. I spent some time on facebook and I worked on my novel. Oh and thankyou all so much for those comments! 20? WOW. I'll make sure that I update daily. <3

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Insecure



Yesterday I was shopping at the mall with my mom and sisters. We bumped into some friends and we were chatting and having a great time. My little cousin looked up at me and asked, "What's with all the makeup?" His slightly scowled at me. I simply laughed and replied, "I like makeup." He said nothing and turned away. Then all the sudden, my aunt pulled me aside and whispered in my ear, " I want some of that money you're making from babysitting. I laughed. She added, "Is that why you're wearing all that makeup?" Again, I laughed not saying a word. I was starting to feel that maybe my makeup was too much and I began to feel horrible. I know what too makeup looks like on a girl- unattractive, clown, and a barbie doll. But me? Walking around looking like a barbie doll all this time without intentionally doing so? I guess I went a little wild with the eyeliner and glitter and my trip to the Sephora (makeup store) didn't make it look any better. The whole time I thought I was looking my best. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my makeup. Honestly. My aunt and cousin would not of pointed out my makeup if it wasn't too much. Now as stupid as I am, I can't even put on makeup well. All I want to do is to look pretty. That's all. That was truly my intention.

The reason why I wear it is because I look so plain without it. And, my hair is so crappy and such high maintenance that I have to look nice somehow. (My hair is natural. Curly/kinky soft and ugly. I can straighten it but that takes hours. I mean, it doesn't look disgusting, it looks... boring)My friend Evan told me that I have natural beauty, but I can't see that. I look terrible without makeup. Even when my family and I are going to functions my mom always tells me to put on more makeup on because, she can't even tell if I'm wearing some when I really did put makeup on. I wish I can talk to my mom about all this but I can't even come to her about it because well... I just can't. She had never given my me and my sisters a talk about makeup or anything. Nothing. I'm the eldest sister and I'm not much of a help when it comes to things like this because I end looking clueless as my sisters are. I can't even go to the park or even the market without makeup on. I just can't. I guess I'm more insecure than I thought I was.

When it comes to my body, I get super self conscious. My rear end is large, I'm "too petite", my boobs are too small, my feet too big, and my thighs are too much. I just hate the fact that guys have to look all the time. I know it's natural and normal but that's hard for me to understand. Even at school where we have uniforms and everything is covered, the boys still look. When a girl gets up from her seat the guys automatically look up and sexual thoughts race through their mind. When they see a flash of undiwear when a girl raises her hand or even see her bra through her shirt, they begin to struggle. The way girls dress is to blame too. We are part of the reason why guys lust. Some of us tempt them too much. I just hate, hate, hate, how some of them look so intensely, especially at the mall when some of them just sit and look and check out girls as they pass. Even the old men.
Looks do matter, but they don't matter the most. They matter because, that's what people can see. Simple as that. So whoever came up with the saying, "Looks don't matter" thanks for screwing up our way of thinking.

Saturday, July 5, 2008


Well, Fourth of July sucked. Majorly. My plans didn't go as they were planned thanks, to my mother. We were quarreling for the whole day and I was super pissed the whole time. She was blaming me for something and I felt terrible for throwing Mel off with our plans. Ugh. I was in a bitter mood the whole day. My family and I ended up going to the carnival(Hahaha I went on this crazy-fun ride that went super fast. I screamed so much that my throat was burning and I was at the point where all I could do is laugh hysterically) at the mall and I guess I had fun, but I still refused to talk to my mom. (The fireworks were absolutely gorgeous though. They were big, vibrant, and sparkly. ) My mom and I are hardly ever on the same page. It's quite sad, actually but we're just two different people. I get along better with my dad. He's always routing for me no matter what. He's the one whose making cheerleading possible for me. But anyway, about two nights ago...

So at my school there's this incredibly good looking guy called, Chris. And he is the most handsome guy in the grade. He truly is. He has pretty brown eyes, beautiful hair, a golden tan and a very attractive face. Chris is athletic and he's very intelligent as well. Despite all those sports, he managed to ace freshman year with even a girlfriend. Well anyway, I found his facebook and on his page there was an 'honesty box' where you can write how you really feel about that person anonymously. I decided to write in his honesty box. You are unbeliveably goodlooking, was what I put in his box. Chris responded several hours later and asked repiled, "Thank you. Who's this?" Aahh I am soo tempted to reveal my name but I'm really scared of the outcome because really, I have never carried on a conversation with him... ever. Why must I tell him my name? And, I'm not a gorgeous blonde girl that seems to attract him, so he'll probably be turned off. I didn't bother to reply. Oh, I do hope Chris is in any of my classes this coming school year. :)
Now, about James...
Hhaha James is very socially awkward. Really. It kind of bothers me in a way, but he's still sweet and nice to talk to. He was actually acting kind of pervy the other night. Ugh. We were talking about the songs we were listening to on facebook chat and all the sudden he puts in big caps, BOOM BOOM I WANT TO SEE YOU IN MY ROOM (if you get my drift) and as soon as I was about to reply in utter disgust he says, "It's a song, so don't freak out." I mean, really. He knew very well that I have never heard such a song, and he knew that I was going to take it the wrong way. So why did he do that? That's really gross. Yeah, it's a song but still... come on. *roll eyes*. OH and guess what? James says he's in LOVE with my friend, Nicole. No. I honestly don't think so and I have my reasons. One, he's always bringing her up and two he's sad because she moved him to number two on her myspace friend's page. And, he said that he wants a relationship full of "compassion" and "that it is hard to find these days."
...
Okay then...
First of all, "compassion" is not sensual. It's (according to Mel) sexish. She's right.
I'm just really confused now. During the conversation he seemed to be agreeing with everything I was saying and it turns out we have the "same life"(because he lies to impress me, lol) and I was starting to think he has a thing for me. This is the part where I discovered that I can be a bit naive. I'm not trying to speak ill of him-he's my friend. It's just that all this misunderstanding nonsense is driving me crazy. Come to think of it, we don't communicate very well because our maturity levels are not the same. Hmm well, forget boys. Psh. Whatever. I need to concentrate on cheerleading and especially my education. School doesn't start until August 13 anyway.

Nothing much going on today. I had my third driving lesson and I'm going to the mall(again? Lol, like I do every weekend. If you lived in Georgia you would understand how boring it is to live here) and the carnival.

Countdown to cheerleading:TWO MORE DAYS!!! <3

Friday, July 4, 2008

Quick Update


Oh my gosh so much to tell, so little time. Prepare yourself for a looong update tommorow morning. Some "things" happened last night and I promise you, I am the stupidest,most naive girl out there. Honestly. I am totally baffled right now. And yeah it is about James and... some other people too.It's a long story. Anyway, Happy 4th! My family and I are going to hangout with Mel and her family at a festivial in two hours. We're going to watch fireworks and everything.I am super excited. Hahah I remember when my sisters and I were little we would make up a cheer every 4th of July and show it to the adults to the party. :) Hahah it was great. I haven't really done much today. This morning, I watched a movie (Kung Fu Panda. It was hillarious) with my mom and my sisters, and we also went to the mall.
COUNTDOWN TO CHEERLEADING:
3 DAYS!!!! <3

(I will be cheering Monday through Wednesday of next week, so no updates then)




Thursday, July 3, 2008



Morning! Another day of babysitting and park walking. It's picture day for me and my sister for facebook. Ugh. Gosh, I'm getting bored just typing that. LOL. Anyway, nothing much is going on. Independence Day is tommorow, a Friday. And guess what? I have nothing planned. Most of my friends are already doing their own thing with their family or they got their boyfriends to hang out. Grrr. My family has nothing planned for this special day. Ugh, what a waste. I don't want the 4th to come. Fridays are perfect. I am so bored at home. I want cheerleading to start. Hmm well, that's all I have to say for right now I guess.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Rose Is Um..

CONFUSED.
Based on that facebook chat, alot of my friends say that James has a crush on me. Erm... I'm not too sure about that. It's almost like I want him to like me in that sense. I've been asking a bunch of my girls on what they think, and I'm getting the same answers. " Yes, he's so into you, Rose!" But-but he said he didn't "like" me or anything. Is he just putting up a pretense? I don't think guyfriends call their galfriends "beautiful" or "attractive" if they didn't have a thing for them. Mel thinks I should date him. I think not. Why? I am utterly ashamed to admit. But there is a reasonI will admit. James makes things reallyREALLY awkward. LOL. I'm not sure if he's even my type. He freaked out (in a good way) that I'm cheerleader (I think he was impressed) and that we both like the same music. I haven't seen him for a full school year. I vaguely remember his face. I looked him up in my yearbook and I still can't. Gah, I don't want to fall for him. He's the first guy to call me beautiful. I don't think anybody understands that. I used to be called ugly and all that in elementary. Yeah occassionally I came across as pretty or cute and sometimes beautiful(by the adults and I really don't take that to heart too much because they think everybody is beautiful. "Oh you have beautiful children, etc...") but from a guy? Straight forward? Never. Till now...
Ugh, jeez what's wrong with me? Fine, I DO hope he thinks of me romantically. LOL. I want to know the right answer though. I can't stop thinking about it. I wish had a older brother or an older sister. I'm the eldest out of three girls. Yeah, well I'm working right now(babysitting) and the kids are being good. For once. Sooo if you have any thoughts, comments, let me know. <3

Oh man, I'm so tired. I went to bed super early and yet I can't sleep. Plus, my stomach was growling. Ugh. By the afternoon, I'm going to be dead. I'm working today too. I'm telling you, those kids are INSANE. Especially the little boy. LOL. It's all worth it. One of my closet friends, Evan invited me to a shopping trip(Yay!) next weekend and I want more cash. Hahah, I think I've done enough shopping for the summer. That's the kind of fun I've been getting this whole summer. Oh, I just wish something beautiful and magical will happen soon! I believe summer is all full of opportunities and possibilities. I made a wish at 11:11 pm and I wished that I would do well in cheerleading. Cheerleading means alot to me. I'm going to be cheering soon, and that to me is crazy-amazing. I honestly don't know why it's so special making a wish at 11:11 pm. I was chatting with my friend Mel on facebook and all the sudden she put,"11:11 make a wish." I didn't even bother to inquire. I'm telling you, my summer's been rubbish. And, school is starting next month. I'm actually really excited. Oh, I do hope the school will allow a Pure Love Club! There's going to be a new boy in my homeroom. Hmm... I wonder what he's like... :)
Come to think of it, I'm starting not to feel well. :(

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


Hahaha I just woke up! :)
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about James and the words he said to me. The trace in and out of my head, "You're beautiful... you're very attractive... You're beautiful..." Aww! I'm such a baby! I can't believe he called me... beautiful. Oh, he made my day already! That's so cute. <3 But I honestly can't see what he can see. I don't think I'm ugly, but I don't call myself pretty either.
I wonder if James is thinks about me romantically, because based on the facebook conversations we have, it sounds like he wants to get to know me more. He wants to know the "personal me." Hmmm...
Anyway, I'm going jogging at the park later today and that's just about it. I should be working on my novel, but I haven't felt the urge yet. I don't know, it's weird. When I write, I have this... feeling. Like, I have to feel like writing. I have all of my ideas down and now I need to push myself. AHhaA!!!! My cell phone is ringing and guess who's calling me? CALLIE. She's knows I'm awake now, because I just got off the phone with our friend Denny. I think she left me a voicemail... ugh.
(Aww isn't that the CUTEST pic you've ever seen?? I got it off facebook)

Aww!


Here. Read this. It's a facebook chat with my friend James.
so hows u and ur "love" life?-James
HAHAH!Umm no love life-Me
oh.lol.-James
why what were u thinking?lol-Me
well ur beautiful, and i assumed u had a bf....i dont like u or anything-James
aww! ur so sweet-Me
lol thanks-James
thankyou-Me
:) :)
that was the sweetest thing i have ever heard
no one has called me beautiful before
yep... well my mom told me not to tell lies- James
ur so sweet-Me
well u indeed are-James
thankyou!-Me
ur the first guy ever (It's true!)
yep any time-James
really?
have u ever kissed sum1 before?
Hahah um second grade that's it.-Me
LOL
never had a bf
WOW-James
now thats shocking!
It's true-Me

:):)
r u positive?!?!?-James
Yes!!!-Me
LOL!
whoa-James
Seriously i have never had a bf- Me
never ever
have u ever wanted one?-James
yeah actually-Me
:)
well ur very attractive, i dont see how that a problem for u-James
LOL! James, ur so sweet, thankyou-Me
np-James
Aww he's too sweet! He's the first guy that ever called me beautiful. Seriously. I've always been called, "cute" or "pretty" from the oppostite sex, but never beautiful. It just now occured to me that boys and men alike, look at beauty. They love beauty in a woman. When they see a beautiful woman, they freeze. And then they go breathless and their hearts begin to ache. Hahahah just a thought. Could it be true?
<3