Monday, April 5, 2010

You are royalty

Happy Belated Easter, my darlings.
I hope it was merry with all the delicious Easter candy you could devour.
Christ has risen. That is the best gift that anyone on this earth could ever receive. The gift is so large that even the most evil people in the world get to unwrap the love Christ blessed us with and wear it like a cloak. This school year, I have felt terribly distant from the Lord. My spiritual life is much more important than my commitment to school, my dreams, and just about anything else. God is the only one that keeps me going. He gives me hope, love, and strength, that a human being could not possibly give to me. I only pour out my heart to Him.For the longest time, I seldom open up my heart to anyone. That is because I feared of having that connection snapped and taken advantage of. But, I cannot live like that can I? I've tried that numerous times, and ended up wounding someone I really care about.
The Lord shows me the way. I have no fear.
In my eyes, I believe all of are our God's child, born of royalty.
You are beautiful, girls. And boys, you're handsome. I feel as if guys don't hear that enough. Everyone so focused on the girls and how the feel, but people often forget that boys need to hear that they're good and wonderful and that they can change the world too.God made each and every one of us special with our own ingredients. Our ingredients being, our likes and dislikes and our own hopes and dreams.
So yes, girls we do deserve to be treated like princesses, because we are! But, we musn't forget about the boys. Each boy is deserved to be treated like a prince. We were all created by royalty, by the King of the Heavens, the Lord of love... of everything that is good and that is near and dear to our hearts.
Love each other how Jesus loves us.
And my dear, you'll be happy... forever.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Apologies are never enough

Apologies are just never enough.
I'm sorry.
So simple and yet at times... they carry no weight.
Can those words really heal the wounds that have been created?
Can those words truly fix anything and everything?
My dear.
I beyond remorse for what I have done to you.
Words cannot describe my deepest regrets. You deserve better.
I know you love me- your words replay in my head like my favorite lyrics to a song, they brought chill to my bones and an ache to my heart. The dreams you had of "us", your passion, everything- yes, you were true.&& , yes... I should of told you from the getgo that my flame for you was not flickering as bright as yours- my feelings just went towards your words and not your love.
I was wrong. So terribly wrong.
Please believe me when I say that your words do mean something and that my intentions were not to hurt you. I know my wall was beating you in the heart, and I did not bother to peak on the other side to see if you were alright. I am disgusted with myself, I broke everything.
I shattered you. And, you've gone through so much in a number of years, in such a short period of time...
Last night I felt the same punches you faced, the same rocks that blocked your words. My wall was a selfish, false, protection. After last night and after everything that we said...
I felt as if I've lost something. I called you back.
Nine pm to Six am. I lost your trust.
We didn't even sleep, love.
Five years,my God you've loved me for five years.
In your eyes, I saw the love. God told me that you always wanted my heart. He told me that my wall would ruin everything. And now look at us. Because of my selfish decision, our five year friendship is somewhat tainted. There's a distance between us now, I cannot stop staring at the telephone.
I know you're thinking about "us," my love. You speak of "us", you dream of "us"- all the time.
Your heart is so beautiful. It is the prettiest gem in the world, my dear. You're able to love just how God wants us to love others. You have that wonderful ability that so many of us do not even possess. You're more than fantastic.
You have never kissed me love, nor held my hand, or touched me in anyway.
Your love is true.
We didn't sleep last night, love.
Six am.
I lost someone you wanted me desperately, who was able to love me for me, you embraced every flaw, laughed at my every joke, and gazed at me with tender eyes.
There's so many things that I want to say, but I know nothing will go back to the same. The apologies will never be enough. You say forgive me, but your heart is tearing from the seams. Tears of shame are trailing from my cheeks and onto my blouse. I deserve your anger. You are so gentle, my dear. Yes, your words were sharp, but you dared not to curse or raise your voice. Why did you apologize to me? You haven't done anything wrong. There is no such thing as feeling the wrong way, I have never heard of such a thing.
Hearts are never, ever, wrong. They can tell time, the time to do right and to say the right thing. The heart is where God speaks through us-through love. That is why hearts are so fragile.

You screwed up. So very badly.
I can't stand myself.
He's going through so much. I made matters worse. Much worse.
My bestfriend...
"You know, despite of all what has just happened, I still love you to pieces."
"What? After what I've done to you?!" I burst into tears of shock and relief.
I'm praying for you, babe. God will heal you, I promise. Look at him and open up your heart.
& the walls came tumbling down...