Saturday, January 31, 2009

Tell me how to feel

Yep, that's right.
Tell me how to feel.
The right way.
Because my heart feels way too strongly. There's no fence, no barrier. If you're sweet, my heart may give you a chance. If you love me so dearly, my heart will give itself away. That's how I'm wired, my darlings. One silly joke can sting me, a nasty remark can wound me. You can say I'm sensitive, but I don't think that is the right word to use. My heart is soft. I can feel things in there. Things, you may question? My emotions. I noticed this this past week when one of my teachers made a rather hurtful comment to me. Or comments. I wasn't necessarily "hurt", I was abashed.

I've been there. Where someone took a deep stab at your feelings. And man, I felt an emotion I have never felt. The tears would not stop falling and I would cry out with such emotion. I remember everything. Sometimes when I think about it, my eyes get all funny. I felt a hollow pit in my heart. I begged God to fix it. That however, is a different story for another time. I guess God made my heart that way. But with Him, it's fierce. My heart pounds furiously for love, for that is my strongest desire. Perhaps I made my heart that way. There is no right way to feel, I am sure of this now. We can't help the way we feel about things. Sometimes, it's our hearts that react before our minds. Hm, does that make sense?

Hearts and romance.
I kind of wish I had a significant other this Valentine's day. I was reading Seventeen magazine, and I found a page where I could get free makeover at Sephora. The styles of the page are gorgeous! Caroline and I going to get our makeup done for the Sadie Hawkins dance, but I wish I could look pretty for someone else instead of myself. I've got my friends and family for Valentine's. Isn't that enough? And Jesus is my Valentine. I can't help but to wish I had a date or something. I don't know what's going on with me. I thought I didn't care.

Blair can't go to the dance, because he's going out town. I was so disappointed and ever so embarrassed when I asked him to the dance. I baked him cookies and everything. My friends were watching me from across the cafeteria and his friends at his table became aware of what was going on. I was definitely in the spotlight. I remember retreating back to my table, my face burning up and with a funny look on my face. "Are you about to cry? Evan asked, alarmed. "No, I sighed, as I sat back down." I'm embarrassed. He can't go, because he's going out of town." " Man, that sucks. Jack said. "Did you get your cookies back?" I shook my head. " I told him he could keep everything."
Tell me how to feel. The right way.

"What?! I would of been like, 'give me my cookies back! Haha!"
The bell rang and we were all rushing to get to first period. Mel and I were last at our table. She looked at my face expression.
"Aw you're so sweet. She said. "Cheer up, Ro Ro. At least you tried. It's not like he said, 'no.'' Very true, but I was certain that I was going to have a dance to Sadie, and it was going to be Blair. was going to happen. Evan and Savanna said that Blair would of said yes if he was able to attend. "He flirts, Evan said. "Yeah, Savanna agreed. "He definitely flirts with you." Then, towards the end of the day, Stephanie (who's going to the dance with the Reid Carmicheal and Ginger is furious with envy) told me in biology that she heard Blair and his friend, Sam talking and it sounded like Blair lied to me. Stephanie told me what she heard, when she passed and I got angry. "What the crap?! You've got to be kidding me." I hissed. My friend shook her head. "If we see him at the dance, I'm going to whupp his butt."

Tell me how to feel. The right way.
At the end of the day, I just stopped caring. Whatever. Just a dance. I thought. Blair didn't have to lie to me. He could of just said no, or say,' I'm not planning to attend.'However, It turns out that Stephanie was just hearing things. I mean, Blair had apologized to me twice, so the doubt of him lying to me was kind of strong. I'm glad my heart was right. I'm going to begin to ask my hearts the questions, for our heats knows what's best for us. It has all the right answers. Our hearts are 'answering machines'.

Tell me how to feel... the right way.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

& they danced under the moonlight, all night long

Isn't this girl lovely? Her hair is beautiful.
Anyway, Valentine's day is coming around quite soon.
Hm, well I honestly don't mind Valentine's day. I think it's rather cute and lovely. It's on a Saturday this year, so I wish I had a significant other. Saturdays are perfect. I'm starting to withdraw my attention from boys and dating. I just don't care anymore. My time will come when God knows my heart is ready. Wouldn't that be the most beautiful gift in the world to have Troy right on my doorstep, Valentine's day morning? && he will have white roses in his arms ready to see my face light up, and a sweet kiss to bless me with. It's kind of weird that my school is preparing for Valentine's day. The administrators have not done this before, so it's new to all of us returning students. We're having a rose sale starting tomorrow and a 'compatibility' test on Wednesday during homeroom. "Find your perfect match right here at school!" I was in religion class when the this piece of information was announced over the intercom. The whole class roared with laughter.

Oh my. Really? Ha, that's really interesting. I would like to take the test, just to see who I match up with. "That's for desperate people, Lexi had stated. "I'm not going to take it." Desperate people? I think not. The Sadie Hawkins dance is on the seventh. Two days after my sweet sixteen. I'm going to ask my friend, Blair Mooney tomorrow. I'm making him cinnamon rolls, a cute card (decorated with ribbons and glitter of course) as well as a goodie bag.

Blair has lovely eyes.
And he makes me laugh.
I don't have a crush on him, although he is one cute freckled faced boy. Haha. :)
I was actually thinking of sending Reid Carmichael a rose with a mysterious note like this:
Dear Reid,
Your smile is adorable.
You're cute. :)
And, I'm WAY to shy to talk to you. I see you around all the time,and I know you see me too.
Meet me in the library tomorrow morning at the magazine rack. Look for the girl with curly hair and a pink bow.

I told Mel and Caroline my idea, but after their feedback I'm hesitating and second guessing myself whether I should send him a rose or not. "Well, are you sure he won't be like, "uh creeper" when he gets the rose? Mel inquired. "Oh, I laughed. "Yeah..." "Well, you should do it anyway, Mel shrugged. Just take the risk." "Aww that's cute, Rose. Lexi cooed. "But meet him first." Hahaha, I'm not even going to bother anymore. How can I randomly go up and introduce myself? He'll be like, "Why are you talking to me all the sudden?" Stephanie and Ginger made a bet on who would ask Reid first to the dance. Stephanie knows Reid a little bit and his sister, Croix said that he would rather go with Stephanie then Ginger. Stephanie is way too nervous. I'm surprised by her. She never has a problem talking to boys... at all. She has till Wednesday to ask Reid, then the bet is off. I'm backing off with that boy. Reid Carmichael. Steph's fierce with him and honestly, I really don't want our friendship to break into pieces over some boy's cute face. Stephanie said she is in love with Elton and I believe her, although she claims Reid would be hers next school year. Hmm.

Well, other than that this past week was incredible. Obama's inauguration was breathtaking. I loved it and it almost made me cry. && the first dance at the inaugural ball was romantic. A change has come to America. I have hope that Obama will do well. Things will get better, for God has a plan. He always does. Obama has also made history.The first black president. Wow.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Life is precious. Everything is going well.My friendships have been kind of different. In a way, I'm drifting away from my group of girls and guys who I talk to the most. My bestfriends- Evan, Mel,Lexi, and Savanna. Then comes P.K and Jack. It's weird. I've been talking to Stephanie and her group a lot more and we're getting pretty close. Yes, we are all a bit cliquey. The whole school is really.Also,I'm attending weekly lessons of 'The Theology of the Body for Teens' at my church youth group. I'm learning alot about love, purity, what sex really is and what it's meant for, and God.

Crystalina and Jason Evert are my favorite Chastity speakers. I actually thought they were coming to the church to speak to us teens and I definitely set myself up for disappointment. It was kind of embrassing. Apparently, I was the only one who misread the facebook invite.We're just hanging out, eating pizza, and watching videos of 'The Theology of the Body.' When my youth minister, Courtney gave all of us reflection time, I found myself struggling to beat down the pouring of the tears. After watching the first segment, I recognized my deep desire for love. True love. To fall recklessly and helplessly in love. " Do not ignore your desires, Courtney whispered to us. "God made our hearts for love."

I must say, this is a lovely picture of Vanessa.
She looks so... happy.
That girl is gorgeous and I really like her acting and music. I'm a total Highschool Musical fan. My friends tease me all the time. :) I don't know why... I just really like the whole Troy and Gabriella romance. It's lovely. I have pictures of either Troy& Gabriella or Zanessa on almost every single binder I have at school Anyway, school and cheerleading has taken over my life. Especially school. I don't get any sleep( breaking out. Concealer and face cleansar to go.) and I have a cough. It's quite alright though. I love being busy. :) And, I'm starting to go to the basketball games, although basketball will never replace my love for friday night football. I love football, but I'm starting to like basketball as well. It's extremely funny, lol! Perhaps the reason is that I am constantly locking eyes with the incredibly cute Reid Carmichael. He's a junior on the team and he doesn't play much.

Reid looks over frequently, but I won't be surprised that he's actually gazing at my friend Stephanie instead of me. She's very tall and beautiful with the model hair, face, and makeup. She's so gorgeous. No acne, no nothing. Stephanie is obsessed with Reid."Let's walk this way so him and his friends can look at our behinds." She suggested, eagerly to me and Ginger. I stepped back. Yeah, not a good idea. My butt is big and I'm very self conscious about it. I hate it when guys look at my parts. "You're lucky you even have a butt, Ro Ro. Look at me. I'm flat! At least you look good in jeans!"

Stephanie already has a boy sweet on her, her boyfriend. " I want Reid so bad! She gushed. She eyed Reid as he passed by. I like his height. He's very tall. I'm 5'1(and he's probably 6'3) and if I were to stand next to him, it would be a laugh! "He's so fine!" She added. " He's so cute, oh my gosh!" I giggled.Stephanie gave me a withering look. " Girl, he's mine." Reid has a sweet smile. It's like a little boy's- innocent and sparkly. His whole face lights up like a star in the sky. It's adorable.
"Ugh, but you've got Elton!" I cried, somewhat indignantly.

Her boyfriend is so sweet to her. "That boy has got me hooked. She sighed, bitterly one day in biology. "I hate it.You can have Reid, Rose."I will never pluck up the courage to even muster a whispered, 'hello' in the hallways. We pass each other a lot throughout the school day as well in the cafeteria where me and all my friends hang out before classes begin. One of his teammates, Justin Moon keeps shooting me glances and stares as well. I'm getting a little suspicious, lol! There's a Sadie Hawkins dance coming up on the seventh of February. I have no idea who to ask and I'm not worried about it in the least. I'm not going to stress. If I have no one in mind, so what's the point? I just need my dress! :) Cheerleading tryouts are in three months. I'm feeling pretty confident. My world history teacher is one of the coaches and she's my favorite. She's so bubbly and sweet.

- Note
I hold this blog near and dear to my heart. I embrace every single one of you with a hug. Your words mark me. :)

I'm really looking forward to...
1. Obama's inauguration (Tuesday)
2. My Sweet 16/ party(Feb)
3. Cheer tryouts(April)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


I've been feeling incredibly happy nowadays.
Just like September '08. :)
It's the Lord, my readers. The Lord will give you such great happiness ,that you simply can't see anything past the glowing light.
School is going well. My teachers are awfully friendly and comical. And my lunch period has alot of my closet friends. Last semester, Evan and I only had each other, really! I love my school to pieces. I'm just so comfortable, and I look forward to entering those golden gates, with the cold fresh air giving me angelic kisses on my face. I smile. Although, there are days when school is a complete and utter nightmare.

The days when I may forget an assignment,(that REALLY irritates me) my locker won't open at my will, or battling sleepiness. Anyway, the homework load has been light so far, but beginning next week, the work will come piling in. I'm setting up my service hours, the party is still unplanned, and I'm starting to get pretty serious with cheerleading. I'm dreaming big for my cheer opportunities. School squads and All-star teams.

I recently visited and I got support from other cheerleaders on the message boards. I only got three replies, but each reply held sincerity, support, and hope. I read every single one of them twice, and with a grin on my face, I dashed up the stairs, burst into my room, got down on my knees and praised the Lord. I've got to do this. Cheerleading is one of my dreams. I need to work harder and practice every single day. I start again next week and I am going to work. I am excited and pumped for this. I'm going to make my cheer dreams come true. It's going to be painful, and no one said it would be easy. I need to be positive and confident, and success will be in my hands, guaranteed.

&& I don't know what made me do it, but I called my old boyfriend(as many of you readers may know, Chris Angel. And no, not the magician, lol!) last night. I haven't talked to him in two and half months, and let me tell you my readers, it took me a lot of courage to push the 'call' button. It was crazy. I have never been so nervous calling him before. Mel told me that I should give Chris a call anyway. After all, according to her he said that he really wanted to be my friend. That's been going on for about two months so I said, "Alright. I'll give him a call." Heart pounding fiercely in my chest and full of uncontrollable giggles, I knelt down and prayed to God. "Lord, PLEASE give me the courage to call this boy! This is so silly, why can't I do this?!" I was giggling while I said this and I eventually did push the call button. Chris said 'hey!' ,seconds afterwards and we talked briefly. He thanked me for calling at the end.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

New Semester

Well, school starts today. :/
No big deal. (Good thing I remember my locker combination.) Break was getting a little tiresome anyway. I didn't really get to do much or see my friends alot. I spent a lot of time with God and with this precious blog. :) Oh, and the mall was becoming my second home. One friday, Caroline and I spent seven hours at the mall.

That's like a whole school day. I don't know how we did that. You may think we're shopaholics, but we really didn't buy anything. We spent hours at stores, trying on make-up and clothes, and taking pictures to put on facebook. I'm ready to go back to school, but I heard that my teachers are pretty brutal this semester. Ah, well there's nothing wrong with a little challenge. I'm not stupid, but I'm certainly not clever either. I don't get straight a's, unfortunately. I'm just average. I'm going to work super hard this semester. I'm ready to work. Anyway, my birthday is next month(Feb 5) and I'm going to have a sweet 16. It won't be one of those extravagant(and utterly ridiculous) sweet sixteens you see on television.

The celebration will just be a huge dance party, homecoming style. Me and one of my best friends, Evan are combining our parties. Evan's birthday is four days after mine, so I was like, "Hey, what's the point of having two parties when our birthdays are so close? Let's combine the parties!" We have got to start planning. I would of ages ago, it's just that 'life' got in the way for the longest. Now is the time. I was also thinking of renting a place that had a television, so there could be a guitar hero competition. Wouldn't that be awesome? My old boyfriend is a master at guitar hero. I've never seen him play, so that would be fun to watch. Hm well, besides that I'm hoping there's a winter formal coming up soon, although as usual, finding a date(or getting asked for that matter) is always an issue for me. Whatever. That shouldn't even worry me.

This semester is going to be especially busy for me. Besides the increase of work(five-ten page term paper. yay?) I have my first cheerleading tryouts. Preparing NOW. And, I need to get my service hours done. In addition to Driver's Ed. I'll try to update as much as I can. This blog becomes more like a personal diary during the school week. And I do pray, Troy will come. He will. 2009 right? Perhaps not this school year, but summertime? :) That would be nice if he was really at school... in one of those classrooms...

Monday, January 5, 2009

A treat for you

You are a beautiful
You are the melody, the harmony,
The voice.
Oh, the lyrics are your words so sweet
So powerful.
Breathless, you make me feel.
You are a dream, the perfection
I see,
The lullaby that puts me to sleep.
Our hearts are lit aflame,
With infatuation.
Your eyes, oh my such beauty
A window to your heart.
You are a beautiful song,
The voice, the sweet sounding melody.
I can be...
The teddy bear you clutch onto at
The soft rose petals, the sparkle in your
You are the rain, my prince charming
The glittering star in the sky,
A sweet sounding melody.
Oh how God has blessed me so,
With such a treasure....
With such a gift.
A masterpiece I see, staring back at me.
Like that beautiful song, that heart warming melody.
You give me...
You glow.
Can't you see?
You're just like that beautiful song,
That sweet sounding melody.
I hit...

-September 2008. I wrote this poem for my old boyfriend. Most of you have heard of him on here countless times-Chris. This is the best poem I have ever written. Took me two hours to write it all. I was really looking in my heart, collecting all the deep and emotional feelings I had for him and putting it as one. I handed him the poem on Homecoming night. I typed it all up and constructed a large red heart with his name on a little heart on the left hand corner. I also added my signature look to-the ribbons and the glitter. :) He loved it.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

My love for Jesus

I am in love with Jesus. So in love.
Just last night I realized how much I really really love Jesus, and how I'm close to Him. I've been always feeling so distant from both Him and God. I don't know why. I told God that I want Him to wrap his arms around me. I want to feel that. I want Jesus' hand in me. Clutching tight and not daring to let go of me. Ever. "I want to feel, Lord I prayed passionately, my heart racing. "Feel." Jesus is our ultimate Savior and strength. Go to Him. Just go. Jesus will never reject you. Like Kanye West's hit song, "Jesus Walks" - "To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers, Jesus walks with them."

He loves us, my dear readers. So much, that He gave up his life for every single human being, the living and the unborn. Jesus has his arms wide open, waiting for you to embrace Him. Follow Him. Because, He knows the way. When I was watching a movie with Caroline (sister) and my cousins Derek and Andy, something struck me. In the movie,(which I will NEVER watch again.) The Klu Klux Klan were burning the cross and I promise you, my heart skipped a bajillion beats. I sat at the edge of my chair. "They're burning the cross?!" I exclaimed, compeletely horrified. Oh my gosh, isn't thast blasphemy?

Derek turned to me. "It's the Klu Klux Klan." Well, I acknowledged that part, and I've seen the burning of the cross before... I'm pretty sure in history class or something long ago, but isn't that blasphemy? Yes. That's totally wrong. But then again, I don't know why I reacted the way I did, because the rest did not react at all. Then I quickly realized that, my love for Jesus is so strong and that I'm not so distant than I thought I was. So, when I arrived home I had a date with Jesus. There's a specific place in my room where I sit and pray and worship. I have a lovely view from my window, so with the lights turned off I sit by the window, look out, and talk. I told Jesus about the movie and everything and how I love Him very much. Then I began talking about other things. And, I remember telling Jesus this:

"It's okay, if there aren't any boys coming along my way right now. Pft, I mean who cares?! I've got Jesus! Hahah, I've got YOU!"


Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Teddy Bear Comfort

Dear Teddy,
I love you so very very much. You make me feel safe when mommy and daddy aren't there to protect me from the darkness. You see teddy, I can't sleep in the dark without you. I'm afraid the monsters may creep up from under my bed and bite my feet. Sometimes, the night light doesn't work and I can still hear the monsters growling. I get nightmares, Teddy. Real nightmares. I can almost feel the wind rushing through my hair and the monster's fingernails biting down my flesh. I don't like that. At all. So, for my birthday, I got you Teddy. You make me feel good and safe. When there's a terrible storm out there raging through the world and crashing down the trees, I get really frightened. The lighting flashes like no other ,and I swear I can see the windows shake.

Whenever this happens, I hug you real tight. It's a nice feeling that there's someone willing to wrap their arms around when you sleep. It's like they want to protect you and cast away the nightmares and bad feelings. That's what it looks like to me when I see mommy and daddy sleeping. My older sister said, that the way mommy and daddy sleep has nothing to do with nightmares and protecting each other.

"It's just love, Stassi." She said. Love? Really? I hope I get married someday, so my husband can love me like that. Teddy, I know you can't speak or walk or eat but, I know you can see and read my letter. I know you love me, although sometimes when I wake up you're somehow on the floor. I can see your black glassy eyeballs staring right up the ceiling, reflecting my ballerina poster.

But Teddy, I'm writing this letter because you give me good comfort when I'm happy or upset, angry and revengeful. I may be too old for you, but I'm keeping you. You give me the fuzzy, sweet, feelings I get when I eat cotton candy or when I see my sister kiss her handsome boyfriend. But Teddy, I have a question. How do you give me that human comfort? I mean, you're not exactly real to everyone in the world. How do you teddy bears do it? Because, you all do an amazing job.
Never letting you go, honey.

Now question: How would YOU describe the 'teddy bear comfort'?

Friday, January 2, 2009

It's me, Rose Valentine. Part Two

&& here it goes...
Being a teenager in the 21st century is difficult. Society has changed drastically. Some words don't even have their original meaning anymore. A lot of things are twisted nowadays. Just accept it. But you've got to know this:

Teenagers are messy. Life is a roller coaster we're trying to stay steady on. We break bonds and relationships like glass, and sometimes leave that special connection into sharp-edged pieces. && then, we'll scatter the pieces and start to bled. Teenagers can feel pain. All sorts of pain.We can hear the devil's dark whispers clog our ears and we do end up stealing that car or embezzling. The darkness can choke us in our sleep, the endless nights of nightmares are here to come. Then the lowliness takes a toll and all you can feel is a rain cloud hovering over you, raining and beating down on your happiest days.Teenagers tend to get baffled. We want the answers as soon as we ask the questions. The journey of life seems troubling, but some of us stick with God and then the boat takes a smooth trip across the ocean. We know the sun does not always shine and that are hearts can be bruised by the ones we care about the most.

It’s a journey with no certainty
so I’ll make my peace with whatever will be
That’s how life goes
That’s how it goes
So you live and you learn to let go

Teenagers are straightforward. Most of us don't sugarcoat the truth. We tell it like it is. If something isn't right or simply out of place, we will most likely speak up and let ourselves be heard. Tears may fall and shouting may be the only thing the adults hear come from our mouth. Teenagers know what goes out in the world. With a lot of things- from the creation of new life to a murder case, we know what is bound to happen. There is no point for adults to shelter us. We can see mother and father arguing late into the night and signing divorce papers, or the old couple next door mourning after a death of a child. Some of us find happiness in the smallest and most precious things in life.

Some teenagers know what they want and how to get it
. Adults claim that teenagers are selfish. We're computer hoggers, wishful thinkers, and most of the time 'life-wanderers.' But, 'selfish' is not the correct word to describe the majority of us. Our teen years is about defining who we are as person, in Christ and where we are in life now. Some of us drive way too fast, put on way too much eyeliner,and drink way too much Red Bull. We concentrate on both school and impressing the opposite sex. We discover that every man needs a woman and every woman needs a man. We discover that there a lot of differences in a male and female that come as one, into a sweet sounding melody in life.

We fall countless times and often don't know how to fix those boo boos. The future may seem fuzzy to us, but we sure know how to see. Teenagers can do anything they want. We just have to be smart about it and use common sense. The girls change a heart, and a boy can keep a girl's heart and fix it. We are capable of falling in love and in deep infatuation. Our hearts can skip beats for another, race and drive us insane. The feelings of warmth and security, admiration, and desire. We all want a huge chunk of romance. Sometimes, we give in too quickly, and we're left hurt and empty.Teenagers have every piece of human emotions. We too can make sacrifices and live for others.

I am you
And you are me
We are one.

We care about other people and we know how to love just about anyone. (Oh Kelsey, I'll swim the ocean for you... tonight we'll be the night that I will fall for you, over again...") When we feel for someone, we may shower them with gifts, hugs, and kisses and spend a lot of time with that one special person. Some of us become clingy and refuse to let go, or some of us simply get bored. We write love notes, send cute text messages, and dedicate songs. But sometimes teenagers let go because we listen what "the crowd" says to do && our hearts never have a say. We try to not to fuss over what people think of us or give in to someone else's opinions.

Teenagers take too many silly pictures. We can text for the day and stay up till five am. We love to have fun and have that heartwarming closeness with our friends. We always want to be outside the house. We are too eager to take a dive into real world. The air is fresh on our skin and our minds are open to things we want to do. We pass notes in class, and shove junk food down our throats. Late nights, music fests, weekend parties- yep that's us, the teenagers. We spend an ample amount of time obsessing over our bodies, hair, and makeup. We daydream way too often, following the crowd of celebrities and wishing we could be one of them.

Wear them gold and diamonds rings
All them things don't mean a thing
Chaperons and limousines
Shopping for expensive things
I be on the movie screens
Magazines and boogie scenes

Teenagers love the sweetest things, want the most glamorous things, && crave the flawless.
"We're teenagers. That's all. That's it."

- Just some random stuff I wrote last night. You don't have to agree with everything I write. Italized quotes from Metro Station's 'Kelsey' and The Secondhand Serenade's 'Fall for you', 'Janita's 'That's how life goes' , Kelly Sweet's 'We are one', && Fergie's 'Glamorous'.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Highschool Parties

Happy 2009.
Good things are coming. :)
I spent my New Years Eve at my friend's party, Selena. It was my first highschool house party and I knew I had to be super careful. But then again I said to myself, "Hey, I've known Selena for three years and she's safe. I know she wouldn't let any kind of nonsense happen at her party." My mom was reluctant about me going and we even got into a heated discussion about parties on New Years Eve. "It's dangerous, my mother hissed. "They're crazy people out there, and things happen." At this point in the discussion, I was infuriated. "But mom, I beeseeched, trying to restrain my raising voice.I know Selena, I mean If I knew she drinks and stuff then I won't go. I don't put myself in dangerous situations."

I got slightly emotional and fled from the room. I don't know why this little argument almost driven me to tears. I was just tired of my mother saying, 'no' to everything and for some odd reason, she doesn't even trust me. I 'm a good girl. I haven't done anything wrong or anything really, that would betray my mother's trust. In the end, my mom understood and agreed to take me to the party. She was still a little bit cross. "You're suppose to spend New Years with the family."she snapped. "But we're not even doing anything." I replied, coldly.The party was fun. I recognized a few of my friends whom I haven't seen since the eighth grade. Everyone was kind of grouped up, so when people asked where I was from they all looked quite confused and then someone would pipe, "Oh she goes to that rich school!" I felt out of place for a bit. We watched the ball drop on television when it was time. I mean, it was better than staying at home. I texted Jessica and told her that I would try to get at least one number. I wanted to meet some new guys.

I wore my Homecoming dress and my best earrings, so I was feeling a bit confident. The music wasn't the best, because the boy who was in control of the music kept playing rap and reggaton and it's a challenge to dance to reggaeton( if you can't salsa dance) and rap, well you can't really dance to that at all. There weren't a lot of us and it was kind of dark. Most of the guys were "dirty" and all they wanted to do was be all over the girls. One guy actually came up to me. His name was Ryan and he pulled my arm gently and said, "Hey." I recognized him. We used to ride the same school bus before I went to private school, and he lived right behind me.

He was kind of cute too. "Hi, I greeted back, uncertainly. Why was he pulling me close to him? (This was the second time a random guy has grabbed my arm like that and my friend, Stephanie saved me before it got really awful. )But then my friend, Blake (one of the only decent guys at the party, although he was trying to throw marshmallows down the front of my dress) alerted me and said, "Don't dance with him."Ryan walked off. I turned to Blake. "Why not?" "Because, he's just trying to get all over the girls." Was the response. (Not exactly word for word, but what Blake had informed was a lot worse.) I grew slightly alarmed. "Oh my gosh, thankyou for saving me!" I breathed. I don't grind. Not at all. Never had. Impurity on the dance floor. I would feel like I was doing injustice to myself and to my future husband. You don't have to be all over each other to have fun. You can dance modestly and still have a great time. Works for me.

I kept my distance from Ryan, but he kept coming near me and he would stare at me from time to time. I got really uncomfortable. I hung around with Blake most of the time. Sometimes, Blake would go off with the guys and would give me news such as, "Ryan really wants to dance with you. He said he wants to dance with you so bad. He was like, 'She's the only girl I haven't danced with!' He wants you." I've watched Ryan dance. Even one of my other friends, Annaleigh warned me about him. Ryan would be all over the girl. It sickens me. You're not my husband, please don't touch me. Anyway,I was dancing with my friends Annaleigh and Kristen and he dancing right behind me. (I was dancing next to Kristen)Clearly aware, I turned and faced both of the girls. Later on when I resumed to dancing with my girls, Ryan joined our circle and then asked me with a smile, "Would you like to dance with me?" Dancing, I beamed bashfully and shook my head.
"Aw no?"

I don't like saying no when someone asks me to dance, but after Blake's warnings(and from what I saw) saying 'no' was the best choice. Throughout the party, I tried to keep the tips and advice I read from a book based on the young teenage male mind. I didn't want to come across as some arrogant girl who wouldn't dance with the boys for no reason. I know saying 'no' to Ryan probably made him feel bad, but hey if he was up for decent && modest dancing then I would of totally danced with him. I don't know, I felt like I was being mean. There was another incident where one guy had come up to tell me that his friend wanted to dance with me. Huh? Why couldn't that friend come up and ask me himself? Then again, he doesn't even know who I am, so he was probably shy. "Oh okay." I said. His friend came up to me and took my hand. (He wasn't holding it) But, I have to say, that was the most awkward dance ever. Oh my gosh. It was terrible. We didn't even look at each other properly and we weren't even moving to the beat of the music.

"Do you want to get low?"
What?! I think not.
I smiled and shook my head shyly. I let out a nervous giggle. "No..." The boy laughed uneasily. "Well, alright."Wow, this whole dance thing was becoming so incredibly uncomfortable. I had to leave this boy. I try not to be aggressive with things like this, because I don't want the person to think I'm mean. So, I would always laugh or giggle but I would say, 'no' anyway. I'll never give in. I try to let the guy down without being harsh. "Um, I stammered. "I-I'll be right back." And I dashed off to the other room. Ouch. That was quite rude of me. I probably hurt his feelings. I came back ten minutes later and the boy had already forgotten me. Anyway, most of the guys at the party were all over the girls(expect for Blake). They were some who were really jerkish. "Dude, you were suppose to bring seven naughty girls!" Or something like, "Selena, your party sucks." The girls encouraged the dirty dancing too. Most of the time I just stood and watched, munching potato chips, talking to Blake. Then all of the sudden something hit me.

Where were the adults monitoring the party?
"Oh, my parents are coming home soon."
Say what, Selena? No adults? Selena's aunt arrived and stayed for twenty minutes. She was only four years older than us sophomores, and she was awkward. She grabbed some of our hands to start dancing, and Selena was getting annoyed. Then Blake informed me that Ryan and a guy, Kristoff (who I thought was totally innocent. He's so nice and quiet! We talked from time to time on facebook and he greeted me when he saw me) stole alcohol from Selena's parent's cabinet and were drinking it. "Are you kidding me?" I should of left at that point, but I didn't. Ryan and Kristoff seemed okay. However, there was one girl who was a little bit tipsy and Selena told her to calm down. The girl broke down and all the boys got nervous. I should of left at that point, but I didn't. Everything seemed okay. I mean, no one or nothing got wild. "I'm so thirsty. I sighed. "Is there any water?"

"There's punch, said Blake. "I can get you some, but I think Ryan and Kristoff poured alcohol in it." I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Oh my gosh. I might as well drink tap water." Blake laughed. "I wouldn't try that either." Selena's parents did come eventually.(when the party was over) Next time however, I'm not taking chances. I feel as if I should of known better than to stay at a party like that instead of leaving, like a good Christian girl would do. I mean, I didn't do anything wrong.

I stood up for my morals and values- No dirty dancing and absolutely no alcohol. (Ryan, Kristoff, and Avni- the girl were the only ones drinking) I did get one number. It's Blake's. I mean we're friends, but we haven't really talked much. He was totally flirting with me at the party. I'm not beating myself over this party. I now know what to look out for at highschool house parties. && for some reason, I enjoyed Ryan's attention. I actually didn't mind him staring at me and telling Blake that he wanted to dance with me really badly. But he wanted to dance with me for all the wrong reasons, so that totally turns me off. However, I was flattered that just a couple of guys wanted to dance with me. That's never really happened before. "You're too much of a little goody two-shoes, Blake observed. "You got that from private school didn't you?" Um no. A lot kids display really bad behavior in private school. Homecoming dance was like the Atlanta club.

-It's the New Year! And, I'm trying to be more happy and positive then ever before.