Saturday, March 27, 2010

I miss you

I cannot believe I've been gone for this long.

My deepest apologies. A lot has been going on in my life this past now, and more than half of them are just nightmares. Schoolwork included.

My family's torn apart. My father made a huge mistake and we will never be the same again. He broke my heart.The pain in my heart feels so real. I remember that day last week when I was in hysterics because the pain was growing in my chest like a monster, I remember clutching to it. My family has always been dysfunctional, but this time my father has crossed the line. I don't even want to speak to him anymore. Again and again, he pulls the victim card and makes all of us feel low and emotionally and verbally abused. I can't take it anymore. My mother wants to leave, and so do my sisters and I.

Enough is enough. Can I call you my father now?

I cannot free myself from the pain and anger that I feel towards him. I don't even want to.

There is no where for us to go.

My dad claims that he pays for everything and that we should appreciate him more because he worked hard to get a raise and blah blah, all that crap I don't even care about. Does all of that really matter? I mean, who else is suppose to pay for school tuition and bills? You're the parent!

I am sick with rage of how my father treats my mother. I have NEVER seen such disgusting disrespect in my life. How dare you, daddy?

I can remember everything that he said last week. I can write them down and the quotes can become the book that shocks the world.

I am deeply disturbed that my little sister is witnessing such emotional and verbal horror. No, my father has not laid one finger on any of us, but he has done things that feel as if he left bruises on our hearts. My mother is so strong. I don't know what I'll do without her. My loves, I wish to tell you what has happened last week, but not right. It's much too much.

Moving on to a lighter subject, I am here to announce that school has really been taking over my life. (Hence my long absence.) I am so occupied that I can hardly attend my weekday workouts. Talk about getting extrememly fat! And prom is in a month. Micah surprisingly did not ask me. Actually, not a lot of guys take interest in me-more like none. The boys who have taken interest are all outside of school. I asked my friend who goes to school downtown(aka. the hot photographer) and he said yes. :) His name is Rasul and he's very nice and extrememly good-looking. It was my mother's idea to ask him and I'm glad she brought me to it. I'm getting my dress today, finally.
Thankyou for listening.

Look at that photograph. Isn't that girl so breathtakenly goregous? Gawd, I wish I looked like that.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I've lost it all

My writing.
I've lost it all.
I have no talent, no strength.
Feverishly, I scribble down my ideas on paper and when I try to elaborate, there is nothing.
I've lost it all.
I can't write.
No talent, no talent at all.