Saturday, September 27, 2008
Listen, what Chris and I have is special, and it's rare. The instant chemistry, the openess, the spiritual connection all happening at once. Our feelings for each other are intense. It's not love, oh certainly it's not. But it's a heart burning infatutation and we express this openly with each other. Evan, one of my best friends in the whole world told me this:"Rose, you're going to remember this. This is different, this is rare." This kind of frienship/ "getting there relationship" is something that not everyone would understand. My bestfriend, my sister doesn't. She fears of me getting hurt by him, she fears the broken heart. And you know what? It's going to happen. I am going to get hurt and that's life. No one goes through in life without going through some sort of pain. My mother suspects that there's something going on between me and Chris. She thinks it's all nonsense because we're teenagers. Honestly, it's like she doesn't want me to be interested in boys. If only... if only she took the time to actually listen and understand. All of this is not a joke, because Chris is what I prayed for.
God sent him to me, and Chris believes the same for him. God is the only One who knows my desires. He knew I wanted to be admired by a guy and how I felt so inadequate for anyone. He knew that I wanted to see a guy look at me with awe and pure beauty. This something my mom wouldn't even care to understand. "Such nonsense, she would hiss. "You're kids. Teenagers are just kids." I honestly think that she fails to understand that teenagers can actually "feel" things too. But, I'm not going to hide anything from my mother. That's just not right. When Chris and I together someday(If it is your will, Lord) I will tell her and my father both. I will prove to them that the feelings I have for this boy isn't kiddish, but it's not "marriage serious"either. I'm going to ask God what He wants for me to do. My fear is losing Chris Angel. I told him this last Tuesday night and I was tears. Not only for that reason, but I compeletly broke down when my mother kept harassing me to get off the phone. I cried because, I think she's trying to break me away from Chris, break me away from this blessing that had come out so suddenly. I know that she knows what has been going on lately. And, it's making my mother irate. So yes, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer,
(I'm such a baby!) and right there Chris was alarmed. "Rose, why are you crying?!" Then right on there, I spilled me guts and I told him everything that's been going on. He told me everything too. He told me how he felt about me and that he understood my mother's concern. Here are snippets of the convo I remember(not in order): "You're crying over me? You know how special that makes me feel? "I'm going to take care of you, Rose..." You mean alot to me..." And then he went on and told me everything he liked about me. " You're beautiful, you're smart, you're a good cheerleader...(etc) "You're perfect. And you're different, Rose. Just like me." And you know what else I like about you? You tell me how you feel." "I didn't want to let go..."( he was talkingg about us hugging a thousand times before he left the football game)This is all I remember. So anyway, while we were speaking, my sister slides a note under my door. I leave my desk and retrieve from the ground. I read it while Chris is speaking to me and I tell him about the letter. "She's worried about me." I whimpered. And I broke down. Once again. :/ "Baby, please stop crying, he begged. Baby, please stop crying." Thinking about all of this brings me chills.
Chris is special to me. He has influenced my spiritual life and everything. And the things he says to me... wow. My prince charming. His words repeat inside my head like lyrics to a song, over and over. Chris told me this(be aware it's not one conversation):"You are the most amazing thing that has happened to me... You make me happy... Lord, please let me get lost in her eyes..." I'm single now, but not for long. It's going to be surprise..." :) "I wanna see you too and pick you up and be like superman for a minute... I want to carry you. " And about our first date he said, "When we hugged and when you looked at me, I was like man, I wanna kiss her. But I was like no, this is the first date!" Aww! I was actually thinking about kissing him too! Not at the moment though. He's too sweet. He even dedicated a song to me! Last Thursday night he randomly sent me a text and it read, "Listen to my ringback." At the time, I was talking to God about him just as he sent me a message! (We hadn't talked that day either and it was really late at night. I kept the text, because it has so much meaning) WOW.
So I called him and there's this beautiful song!! Angel of God. The lyrics are beautiful...
"God of angel, she has a smile that makes me wanna sing...."
He called me after I hung up and he said, "You like it?"
"Oh my gosh, I like it!" I said, happily.
"Yeah well, Chris said quietly, "It's for you. I listened to that song and it reminds me of you. You have such a pretty smile, Rose. And you're always so happy.
I couldn't believe this! Chris dedicated a song to me. He started singing it on the phone too. LOL. He's soo sweet! I remember the night of our date, he called me and he kept saying that I was so pretty and I had a pretty face and everything. "You're such a sweetheart, Rose. I can't go a day without your 'sweetness'. He always tells me how much he appreciates me.
I wrote Chris a poem, and I put my heart into it... really. The writing almost took me two serious hours.I'm going to edit and revise it and make it look pretty. I'm giving it to him on Homecoming night. He came up a poem about me too, on the telephone and it's so cute! He's too funny and his attempt to rhyme was actually not that bad. I told him to write it down, because his words were so precious. He's too cute. :) He got jealous, because I have a celebrity crush on Enrique Igelias (singer) and he saw the comment I made on my friend's pic of Enrique on facebook. "Oh and by the way, who's Enrique? You cheating on me, Rose?" (Hahah he was joking, but I could tell he was totally jealous. And we're not even "together" yet.)
I hope you understand what's happening to me, my readers. Not just about Chris Angel, but about everything that's been going on with me. Thanks for listening. Tell me what you think.
You may call me crazy, and you may call me stupid but hey, this is here is for real. I know I am not in love. I have trouble believing that teenagers can fall in true love. My sister met this couple, who met at sixteen and from there on out, stayed together. Seven years later, they got married. Amazing, isn't it?
Times are hard, folks. We all need comfort and love. I'm not putting any bad stuff on here. Just happy things. :) I've been in such joy for so long that, I find myself smiling everyday with true happiness. God's love is powerful, God's love is everlasting. "For greater things are still to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city."
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Just like I stated in my previous post, I feel as if alot of good things are coming into my life. God has plan for me. And for all of you. I feel as if I'm changing, I feel as if something really really good is bound to happen. But what is it? Have I reached my turning point in life? I must put all of this inquries in God's hands. I will continue to pray and wait. Pray and wait. I try to visit God's house daily, or at least three times a week. So, a new school week follows. I have two big tests coming up(math and world history) and I can already feel the stress. Ahh! I studied like mad this morning. Well, this weekend was quite interesting. :) I am sure you all are dying to know what happened on friday with Chris Angel.(NOT the magician.lol. Isn't he like thirty something??) Hahah I hope you all don't mind me talking about him so much. If it gets to the point where it's unbearably annoying, please let me know. Anyway on to friday...
Friday morning I woke up feeling extremely nervous. I couldn't even eat breakfast properly. I told Mel this and she laughed. "Rose, he doesn't even go to our school. Ah you're so silly. Hahah I'm such a dork. Well school went pretty well. I thought about Chris all day and when the bell finally rang to realse us for the weekend, I began to even grow even more anxious. I went to my aunt's house after school to get ready, because Chris' school is only ten minutes away from her house. We were going to meet at a football game. It took me quite some time to get ready, and I kept changing hairstyles and checking my makeup. At the time I was also very annoyed with my cousin Derek, because he wanted to tag along(and you know why) and I got angry with him at school during biology. "Derek, I asked. "Are you still going to the game?" "Yeah I think so, he replied studying his microscope. Why? I suggested for him to invite his girlfriend, so he wouldn't be bored at the football game and follow me around. Unfortunately, his girlfriend was unable to attend. " Well, you're going to be bored. I said, smugly. "But you're not going to follow me around are you?" Derek smirked. "Maybe, maybe not."
No. My cousin can be very overprotective and he only wanted to come along just because I was meeting up with another guy. I continued to speak with him, and he simply laughed. Irate, I stomped off and ignored him for the rest of the class period. He tried to get my attention, because he couldn't stand the fact that I was cross with him. Evan thought that Derek's concern was kind of sweet. I could hardly see that at the time. I remember telling Chris the previous night that my slightly overprotective cousin may be tagging along and he didn't sound all too thrilled. "I don't mind him coming, he said. "But the thing is, I only want to hangout with you. It's just going to be awkward for him." Anyway, on to the point... it was about six fifteen when I finally ready to leave the house. Derek decided not to go, but only came for the ride. My aunt questioned me a bit on who I was meeting. She thought I was meeting a girl (I'm assuming my parents thought that as well. Hmm no, my mom asked me on Wednesday night who I've been talking to on the phone and I told her the truth. My dad just asked me why I was going to that particular highschool on friday, and I repiled, "To see a friend." And it was left at that. I think my mom figured it was Chris.) but I told her everything that she needed to know. "Yeah, it's a guy, I met him through my friend Melanie who goes to my friend." It's true.
I arrived at the school super early and I called Chris to let him know I was at his school. I sat alone for about twenty-mintues and there he was, the cutest guys ever was Chris. He looked slightly nervous and I flashed him a smile. We hugged each other and we walked around. I met his father("Chris, you be a gentlemen you hear?" Hhha.) and he's awesome friends who made me feel welcome. Chris was a gentlemen and we had a good time watching the game and talking with his friends. I was super super nervous and shy that it was so obvious. All of "this" is new to me. I've never had this kind of attention, you know? But jeez, Chris is soo sweet! Gosh, like the sweetest guy I've ever met! Seriously! He told me I looked really nice and one time during the game, he randomly turned to face me(while looking me in the eyes) and he said softly, "You're so pretty, you're so beautiful." I felt my heart do something weird(hahah that sounds blunt but it was an indescribable feeling) What he said touched my heart... literally. They way he looks at me and they why he told me so makes my heart melt. "Thankyou," I responded, shakily completely shocked with pleasure. "You have a pretty smile, Rose. Pretty everything." AHh!!! This guy is going to make me go absolutely insane. :) Chris wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm so glad you're here." " Me too, I cooed. " I was soo excited all day!"
"Really?" He let go and smiled.
Anyway, Friday was really fun and... amazing. Chris bought me food(He even fed me the last french fry. hahah. so cute) and gave me one of his bracelets he was wearing. The scent of his colonge still lingers on it. He's cologne smelled incredibly nice. He's really nice to hangout with and a nice person to talk to. A lot of his classmates came up to him and asked if I were his girlfriend and he would reply," Not yet." :) Gosh, he wouldn't stop complimenting me, I felt so special... and wanted. One of his classmates accidently sprayed coke on my back of my shirt and while I was completely okay with it, Chris got angry. Not too angry because it was accident, but he was irriated because they (they as in the people who sprayed coke on me) where fooling around. He said he would've cared if it were someone else, but he cares that it was me. It's so sweet how he cares, you know? "Are you okay Rose?" He would ask every now and then. When the game was almost over, Chris had to met his dad so they could leave. WAA! I didn't want him to leave. He wanted to take the longer route back to his father so he could stay with me longer. Aww. "Did you have a good time?" He asked. "Yes. Chris, you are amazing. You are the nicest guys I have ever met."
"Really?" We said our goodbyes and hugged like a thousand times. I could tell he was "feeling" something for me. It was so cute. We would hug and let go, hug and let go. We approached each other at the same time too. LOL. "Call me this weekend." I smiled. "Okay, Chris said, happily looking me in the eyes. "Do you want me to call you tonight?"
"Oh yes! I shrilled. Please do." Hahah. He called me as soon as I arrived home and asked me to homecoming. Well, we were planning to go together anyway, but he said he wanted to ask me properly. "Rose, would you like to accompany me to the homecoming dance?" (LOL he was trying to be funny I suppose) "Why yes, of course. "I giggled. Now I really have to find a nice dress. But it's all good. He even called our first encounter a date. " September 12, 2008. Our first date. What? Really? Hahah fine with me. :) Did I mention that he's a soccer player? Can you say David Beckham? I mean, soccer is a part of him. He works his butt off everyday to get better. He's very serious about it and dreams of becoming a part of the U.S National team.
Wow. Such a long post. :) Off to church.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
My new favorite song.
A week has passed and so many things have happened. The confirmation retreat was amazing. It changed my life... completely. Oh it was so so powerful, eyeopening, and utterly beautiful. We stayed at the most gorgeous retreat center for the whole weekend. The stars at night glittered like gems- beauty I have never seen before. Camp Coverest took my breath away. The retreat deepened my faith. At first I didn't want to be there because of the amount of school week I had waiting for me two hours away at home. But on Saturday September sixth, my life really began to take a crazy transformation. I felt something. I had the best confession in my life and at Eucharistic Adoration I cried like I have never cried before. I think I felt the Holy Spirit within me. All of my brokenness and sorrow just spilled out of me and I handed it all to Jesus. I want to be in love with Jesus. I need to feel this in my heart.At the retreat, I felt a spiritual bond with every single person there. I felt so comfortable around everyone that I even didn't bother putting on makeup at times. (haha) I didn't want to leave.
Everyone was just so happy and there was so much love and comfort too. I remember during Eucharistic Adoration I overcome with such emotion that a girl who I hardly knew came over and wrapped her arms around me. All we did was praise and worship Jesus all day, everyday. We praised and worship with teen christian music, talks, prayer, etc. We all got so incredibly close. We all felt such joy and closeness. I cried alot- out of relief and joy. My youth minister told me that the tears during the prayers and Eucharistic Adoration were signs of healing.
During Eucharistic Adoration, a couple of my friends prayed over me. My guyfriend Josh whispered in my ear, "The first time I met you, I thought you were a beautiful child from God."
That made me cry even more, and when we embraced he said, "I love you, girl." Josh is like a brother to me. I love him. God knew that I needed to hear those things in my ear. Since this retreat, I know my life is changing. I know alot of good things are coming. I can feel it. I'm reading the Bible on a daily basis, and God blessed me with a very special person in my life.
We exchanged numbers on facebook on Monday and he called me. We talked for two hours.(don't worry we had our homework done, hahah.) Chris and I talked about everything. He's so sweet. SO so so sweet. And he's too funny. I was laughing the whole time. "You're pretty." He said, sincerely. I smiled. "You really think so?" I whispered into the receiver. "Yeah, he repiled. "You are. And you have a nice smile." "Wow, Catholic? That's a plus."
He called me on Tuesday and we talked for another two hours about the Bible, our faith, everything. Chris is an avid Bible reader and I learned so much from him. He truly loves Jesus. He truly lives his faith.
"I really want to meet you, Rose."
He's like my other half... actually he is my other half. We are just alike. We have the same views on purity and modesty as well. He wears and abstinence bracelet and admires girls who are pure and innocent and modest. "I want a pure girl."He is amazing. He truly is. We've talked on the phone every day of this week. Pretty crazy huh? But, we make sure our work is done before we engage in our late night talks. We don't want our grades to drop. Chris and I have gotten really close. He said that he likes talking to me. We tell each other everything. Yesterday, he has dropped a few hints about us being together someday. He was searching through his wallet and he sighed, "Man we're going to be in a broke relationship. I don't have any money."
Aww. I can't believe he can see himself with me.
"It's okay, I said, consolingly. "It's just money. It doesn't matter."
I'm really not a demanding person anyway. I don't ask for much. I'm not one of those nagging girls who say, "Buy me this, take me out, etc. Anyway, Chris and I are finally going to meet tomorrow. I am anxious. So very anxious. Gosh, I wish I can tell my mom all this, but she would just push it away and tell me to stop this nonsense.
Chris is not just some any other guy. He's different. I've prayed about all this for awhile. I wrote a list of the qualities I want in a guy and I wrote all of them to God.
- Follower of Jesus Christ
God sent him to me for a reason.
- No, not Chris Angel the magician! LOL.
Keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Just got back to school after a glorious five day weekend. Last week ended well- we beat our rival school in jv volleyball and most importantly FOOTBALL. (In. your. face. haha. sorry. it's been like five years since we've beaten our rival school in football. They're just too good) Anyway, I've been busy busy busy with school and everything and now here comes confirmation. Yay! I am VERY excited for that. The retreat is this weekend(which is also very exciting) but I have to miss the first school dance and something else important. Wa. :/ My faith is a gift and it's more important than anyting. A dance is just a dance and a boy is well... just a boy. (my post) Anyway, I've been having a hard time with two things- getting closer to Christ and my self confidence. I just feel so unbelieveably distant from Jesus. Okay, picture me and Jesus out on a field and spread very far apart. Picture me running out to Him with my hair flying wildly behind me, my face into a wide grin. I'm calling His name, "Jesus!" "Jesus!" And, I reach out and try to touch Him and grab His hand.
I try to get closer, but I just can't seem to grab His hand. I can't get closer. I feel so distant... so lost in life. And basically with my self confidence it sucks... majorly. I'm going to have to fix that immediately because it's affecting me in everything I do. Don't get me wrong, some days I'm pumped, but there are too many of those days where I can't feel good about myself. I've talked to God about this a few times, and I always cry at the end. I've been doing alot of that as well. I cheered my worst yesterday and I broke down on my way home. I felt like I wasn't improving and one of my coaches was getting a little bit frustrated with me. Gosh, I'm such a baby. Anyway on to my post...
About two months ago I mentioned a guy called Chris on here. No, not the school hottie but the other one, the one who is looking for a girl. (It's on the July post somewhere if you want a little more info) To avoid confusion, lets call this 'Chris', Chris Angel. Well, Chris Angel is a really good friend of one of my best cohorts, Mel. He told her that he was looking for a pure and innocent girl to be with because he was tired of seeing all the hoochie mamas at his school. Mel automaticly brought my name up and planned for us to meet during the summer. I had cheer at the time the day was assigned, so we didn't get to meet up. A month passed, and one night Mel told me to add Chris Angel on facebook. I did what I was told and I started talking to him, but not right away. I perused Chris' profile and was pleased. This boy is open about Jesus and looks up to God and Jesus as his ultimate strength and refuge. Like me, he puts his faith first. After I made this discovery I excitingly explored his music playist. BAM! Same music taste. Yay. :) Next, I took a peek at his pictures and was overcome with an, "Aww he's soo cute!" Hhhaha. I told Mel everything- even my cheesy"Wow, you have a great taste in music" message I sent him. :p
Chris and I talked from time to time. We didn't get personal or anything, though. No need yet right? We techincally met online through our friend. So anyway, this boy just pops in my mind the other day and I talked to God about him. Somehow, I was feeling something for him. A guy I barely know! But it wasn't that kind of feeling. It was a "Is God trying to tell me something?" feeling. This may sound crazy, but the way Mel talks about how Chris and I were "meant to be" made me think a little. Not only that, but the way she described him flattered me greatly. I don't know my readers, I just feel something may happen between us. So today (right before geometry class had started) I walk up to Mel and say, " I want to meet Chris Lewis!" I beamed and she beamed happily in return. " Oh my gosh!" She began to babble, her beautiful blue eyes glowing. " I talked to him!" You can imagine my reaction. I squealed and plopped myself into the desk that was infront of her. " You did?!" I piped. Yes. Yes!! " Yes, she said, exuberantly. " I told him everything. I told him how you liked how he's open to Jesus and how you are too! I told him everything about you and he was like, "Wow, thankyou Melanie for doing this for me. I really really want to meet her." He also said that he was interested."
"Oh my gosh really?!" I squealed(this time the whole class had arrived, but I could care less)
"Yes! He really wants to meet you, Rose. He really really does. He thinks you're cute too."
"Score!" I screamed. My friends in my class started laughing and when the bell finally rang, I dashed to my seat in very high spirits. But there was one more thing...
"Oh, Mel said. " He wants to see you at the game on Friday."
"Noooo! I cried, melodramatically. "Confirmation retreat!" Ah. Dang.
"Well, it's okay. We can all hang out one Saturday."
Grr. I want to meet Chris Angel now. Wow. All this time I thought a guy wouldn't want to be with me...Rose. I use to think that I couldn't match with any guy and that no one wanted me. I talked to God about this too. I just can't see any guy wanting to be with me. A part of me is doubting about what's going to happen between Chris and I. I can't believe Chris Angel wants to meet me. Of all the intelligent, beautiful, girls out there, Chris wants to see... me. Plain, confused, weird, stupid Rose. I am excited and I love the wait. Oh I do hope something happens, and then I again I don't. Am I too young for this? Aahhah thinking way too far ahead. Slow down Rose... slow down.
I enjoyed typing this post. :)