Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Thankyou Mom and Dad for raising me into a young lady.
Thankyou sisters for making me smile and laugh every single day.
Love, thankyou for breaking my heart and making me stronger.
Highschool, thankyou for helping me see the good and the bad.
Most importantly, thankyou God for giving me this life to live. I love you so much. You have given me so many angels.
And life, thankyou for the adventures. I hope I have many more to come. I am the tackler on the field.
Bring it.
I hope everyone is doing well. I'm trying to blog more often now. I have so much to say and I don't want all the words to go away...

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Take me back to fifteen when my life was such perfect bliss.
I want to experience this feeling again.
I truly found God and I received many blessings after that. My life has never been the same since.
I want to find that deep relationship with Christ again. It's going to take work. I haven't been going to church every Sunday, which is a first. That's not me at all. I'm getting distracted.
I can't handle fallouts. You are aware of them, I assume?
I'm not having a falling out with Christ, I'm just having problems putting my heart out in church. When I'm at a service, little things are racing in my mind. I can't focus. I can't feel the soft music. I wish I can change the Catholic church. We need to have more soul in our words, music, and praise. I need something that would shock, draw me to tears, and relieve me.
I just need another getaway at a camp. Some self-reflection and quiet time.
Aren't we all struggling?

Friday, November 12, 2010

I'm back

I have heartburn.
I'm burning my own heart.
I thought second chances were the best and sweeter than the first.
My "fantasy" world is creating me a bittersweet reality. One second, I'm drooling, gazing, and falling head over heels and then a few moments later, I'm positively ticked because he said something or did something rather stupid.
He claims he's changing. I'm either blind or he's not changing at all. I see he has become more honest, but when things don't go his way, he's dramatic. Everything is still one-sided with him.
Therefore, I see no change.
But when I see him, everything feels brand new. We can't stay cross with each other for very long, which is a rather good thing.
I wonder if all of this is even worth it. Perhaps I expect too much, I'm "nitty picky" at what is bad and stale. Do I not praise him enough? Of course, I do. I adore this fellow and he knows it. He adores me as well, but when it comes to compromise, he desires his own ways.
Typical behavior? That is how my dad acts towards my mother. Maybe that's how men are.
Sorry. I'm not trying to generalize..
Alright, fine love. I'll be gone like the wind.
It's as if I'm just in "it" just to feel something like love... as if it can't come again.
I don't know, but this is making me angry. There's one flaw that I cannot accept of myself: I never know what my heart is saying. Never.
I'm back, loves.
Senior year has been rather different. I'm very busy with my life, but I still think about this blog. I actually fear it, because I know I am no longer an active blogger and I know some of my readers are giving up. Don't worry. Why would I let this go? And you can always contact me at,
I love emails.