My first summer night, I spoke of my dreams, the delicacy of them all and my heart's deepest desires.Each year, I come up with impossible summer goals, but this time is much more realistic. My time in highschool is almost done, and I want have the best time of my life. I'm a young princess, why shouldn't I?
I would love, more than anything to be a pageant queen and a print model. I adore hair, makeup, and beautiful gowns and tiaras. My mother thinks pageants are silly, and yes they are but they look so much fun to me. Hopefully, I'll get my position as an employee at Hollister & Co and then throughout the summer and beginning of the school year, I can save up. Rasul has been working on modeling as well, and we are going to start something together. I have many friends who have taken in interest in modeling as well. My old friend Holly, wants to start something as well. It's all so exciting, my loves. Our dreams are so delicate.
That is why, when they crumble, it's another heartbreak.
I have always been a girl full of big, big, dreams. I want to be just like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde. Believe me when I say this.
I'm a silly girl.
It's been a while since I've shared my personal things with you, my loves. I will tell you that things have truly changed... for the better. Not anything major, or life changing, but oddly enough, life is treating me with truffles and roses. I wonder if I'm caught in a trap that's gently dragging me in with soft claws. I'm afraid it is so...
The only person who can destroy it is well, my own father, the man who has brought hell to my world.
Hell.
He's anger, his second infidelity, his selfishness... Lord. I have never felt such resentment. I find it difficult to utter words as simple as, "Hello daddy good morning." We have no relationship now. In my mind, I question him constantly. My trust meter with people in general, is all wacked up. But I shouldn't let my father's mistakes take over my life like this. Thus begins my journey to move on.
I sound harsh, bitter, and awful but I have no problem spilling out my guts on here. I just want you to understand that the man in my life has truly recked everything that the family's got and it'll take years and years to repair. Of anything, I just want my father to leave my mother alone and go off somewhere. I'm trying, my darlings.
I am trying so hard to forgive the words and actions that has given my world the most terrible earthquake.
The Lord gives me hope.
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