I thought I would forever be buried into the arms of ferocity.
It felt good, being buried down there, but those harsh feelings took so much energy. I was feeling weak-hearted and out of breath.
Anger is such a dominating and terrible emotion.Do not let it consume you.
Last week on a Wednesday, I received an expecting phonecall from Rasul.
When I picked up the phone, I suddenly had a change of heart.Forgiveness and I became buddies that night.
It felt so wonderful.
I don't want to go into much detail, because I am sure you all are much tired of hearing about my fail of my love life. Rasul said a lot. He said he's been trying to change through prayer and fasting since Ramadan. Our phone meeting was sad, actually. Of course my mind went on a whim- I was feeling troubled, but I knew he was being sincere. Rasul wants to start over. He said he can't love another girl and he doesn't want to feel for another."We were so perfect, Rose. Everything was amazing. Matt was just jealous,that's why he told you that stuff. I miss you, I miss you so much-I really do. I hate it when people ask me what happened to us.I wish we together again, but I know that's not going to happen. I can't look at a girl and not think of you, Rose Valentine. I know I'm a habitual liar and I'm trying to be more honest with my friends and family. I'm working on it. Since it's Ramadan,I've been praying and fasting and I feel more righteous everyday.If I can't have a relationship with you, I want your friendship. Yeah, friends is good with me, I'll take it."
My feelings have taken a dramatic twist this past summer. You all know that already.
Rasul's aware that were are on different levels, but a part of me still has a soft spot for him. Not romantically, but emotionally. We've finally had closure. I'm feeling hurt though. My anger was a hard shield, covering up my wounds, but now they broke out afresh. Time.
I know love won't come my way soon as I would like for it to arrive. But that's alright, I'm just going to have to deal. I'm not sure if I'm even worthy of love. I always end up with the wrong guy and thoroughly crushed. It's a stupid and very distracting cycle. How am I so entangled in these webs?But guess, what my dear? I'm happy.
I know my tears are signs of healing.