Sunday, January 31, 2010

I haven't forgotten you

Oh my.
It's been quite some time, hasn't it?I love this blog with all my heart-honestly, I do. Time is a factor. Schoolwork has piled up, cheer is really starting to drag down my schedule, and well, life continues to move on and bring me problems. My readers, I am going to try to update every week at least once. I feel so strangely disconnected from you all, and it's seriously bothering me right now. I need to make an effort.
Things have changed.

No more Hunter. My dad forbids me to see him because of his mohawk. You don't know how terribly upset I was before. Hunter wants to see me again and really, I'm just really tired of reciting the whole story. It's alright, now. Yes, my dad is way out of line here, but there isn't anything I can do. There are many, many, ways that Hunter and I could sneak around but it's just not worth it. Maybe one day when my dad finally realizes that hair is "just hair" we could see each other again. As of right now, I've moved on from the angry feelings and lost my quickly acquited feelings for Hunter. We talk and text quite a bit. And surprisingly, the more I talk to him, the more I realize that Hunter really isn't for me. Why?
He's not Troy. I can't be his girl.

Oh woes me, the Queen of Flings. That's what Evan and I call ourselves. We would like to be in a relationship- not a serious one-just real teenage love. Valentine's Day is going to be horrible just like any other year. I've never had a real Valentine.
"Have you talked to your daddy yet? I really want to see you again."

Things in the family are just absolutely disgusting. There's a flaming family feud going on between my father and my unlce and aunt. It saddens me, really. I can see the anger and hate blazing in my father's eyes whenever he speaks of the verbal fights. My mom is sick of my dad's outrageous temper.

I'm losing my confidence in school and cheerleading. My grades are just fine as of right now, but I want to do better. I'm always sleep deprived. Cheerleading is biting me in the butt and I want the season to end at this moment. The games were a lot of fun this weekend, considering the fact there were two very special people in the stands watching me cheer. My coaches and some of the other girls on the squad are always getting onto me about something. I am such a terrible cheerleader. I probably won't letter this year and my college cheer dreams are wearing out. I think modeling would be something I'm looking into pursuing as a parttime career. I have my first audition/interview on Tuesday! I received a wonderful call yesterday after school. :) I am very happy.

My friend Alyssa is pregnant. She's doing very well and I'm praying for her. She's very excited for her baby boy and I'm going to be there for her. Keep Alyssa in your prayers as well. Pregnancy is a wonderful gift, but since she is so young, things are going to get pretty hectic. I'm worried. I can't imagine myself carrying another beating heart inside of me. At this moment, that frigthens me to death.

I've made a wonderful, wonderful, new friend over the MLK weekend. His name is Micah, but in my heart I call him 'Troy in the making.'

That's how lovely he is inside. He has this heart-firing love for Jesus that it makes me melt. I'll tell you everything about him later on.

I've always seen Micah around at school. He looks like my first love, Chris Angel. (I'm sure many of my old readers remember him.)I've always thought he had an adordable face. There is a Sadie Hawkins dance coming up in a few weeks for basketball Homecoming. Mel thinks that I should ask Micah to the dance, but I'm not too sure if I want to attend.

My 17th birthday is next friday- The fifith of Febuary. It's Friday night, and I'm going to be out with my girls. Micah wanted my locker combination, because he has planned a surprise for me. He also has a song for me on the piano and he's recording it. I get to see it live on my birthday in the school band room. :)

Prom is in April and I've done some small planning. I'm going to start dressing shopping next month. I have a layout of everything I need. One problem is finding a fellow or getting asked by a fellow. I have an ample amount of time. I also have my prom photoshoot planned out as well. I thinking of sigining up for a prom model search.

Expect another update early Friday morning.

Friday, January 8, 2010


Hunter smells really nice.
I like him.
The date went really, really, well. We went to watch the movie called, 'Avatar.' Throughout the movie, I caught Hunter turn his head to gaze at me, and I couldn't help but smile. He made me laugh and he wore my favorite color to make me smile. "See? he said, unzipping his jacket, and revealing a pale pink polo. "That's why I asked you what your favorite color was. I wanted to wear it for you."Isn't that lovely? :) How thoughtful. Hunter was gentlemen. And like a gentlemen, he had offered to pick me up from my house, but my parents wouldn't allow it. Hunter texted me fifteen minutes before my arrival,saying that he was excited to see me. Hunter has a very attractive face, but his mohawk is bit too extreme. My father is ridiculous, and he doesn't want me to be around the boy. "I don't want people think that my daughter is a 'groupie' and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." (Groupie? What the frick is that? And did I say I was uncomfortable? Quit putting words in my mouth, Daddy. He's not a thug for crying out loud!)

My mom was impressed with how he introduced himself to her, but his extreme hairstyle caught her off guard. "He's a very bright and polite young man and he was dressed nicely too,my mother had stated, as we watched Hunter trail off to his stunning red mazda mx-5. "But his hair gives people the wrong idea about him, you know?" Hunter really is an attractive guy. He was worried that my parents wouldn't like him, because of his hair. While we were strolling aroudn the mall, he had inquired if my parents minded that I'm out on a date with a white guy. I just had to laugh. "No, they really don't mind, I chuckled. " My sister's boyfriend is white.It doesn't matter at all. We welcome everybody. Hunter smiled. "That's good, same with my parents. They don't care either."

I wish he would grow out his hair, because when he had before, his blue eyes stood out much more beautifully. Sure, people were staring at us at the movies, but I can honestly say that it didn't bother me at all. Who cares, really! They can can judge us all they want. I don't know them, so therefore I do not care.I'm deciding not to get worked up about his hair, and just give the guy a chance. Hunter is such a sweet person and he likes me. My dad is bitter about him and I must say, I have never been so pissed off with my father in my life. Yes, yes, of course I will ask Hunter what made him change his hair, and discuss how the style may send people the wrong idea, but I'm not going be a snob and turn him away.

Whether Mr. Valentine likes it or not, I'm seeing Hunter this weekend, and many more weekends after that. He did not want me to go on the date, after he explored Hunter's pictures of his mohawk on facebook. Even mother surprised me by saying that she would not have let me go if she had seen his hair beforehand. I told you, my darlings. My parents are snobs. (More so my dad, then my mom though) This is not even serious, my goodness! We're just being flirty teenagers.
Hunter said that he wants to take me out for lunch and for me to meet his mommy. :)

Monday, January 4, 2010

New year... new guy?

Well. What a pleasant surprise.
I have a date today. It's three thirty in the morning and I'm awake.
I'm not nervous, I'm actually feeling quite happy. It's a nice way to start a week and to end a fun Christmas break.
The boy's name is Hunter. I met him through Rasul and he said that he wanted to do a photoshoot with me. He's sweet. When you look at Hunter, you will automatically say, "Oh yeah, he's total b.a." With those gorgeous blue eyes, the kid has an incredible body... and a mohawk.
"Oh my, my mother would say. "You're certainly not taking him to prom are you?" I know for sure my prim and proper parents would not approve of Hunter's hair. But, the boy is intelligent and he's the gentleman that you would like to take home. Sure, he is a lot cuter without the mohawk, but he has a beautiful face and I'm just trying to get to know him. I'm thoroughly shocked that a guy like him would even take the time and day to speak to me. Hunter is different.
I like it.
What really catches my eyes or his eyes, dear Lord talk about such beauty. He's got a striking personality as well- football player, racing cars, track, swimming/diving, motocross, gymnastics and male cheerleading. AH. PERFECTION. I cheer, you cheer, we match. :) I can honestly say, my darlings that I don't know this boy very well (it's obvious anyway)but that will soon change.
It's been awhile since I've been on a date.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Beauty vs. The Brain

Beauty is a contest isn't it?
Women. Let's admit it, we sometimes do the craziest things to look gorgeous. From getting our eyebrows threaded to even botox, the competition never seems to end. We would spend ample amount of money every single year on all sorts of beauty products. Men would look at our dressers and bathrooms with confusion. What is this? What does this thing do? Or how my guyfriends would put it, "Dude, what's the point?" The point is, is that women get too much attention. It's quite simple. From the red carpet to even Weddings, women are always being looked at. If a woman gains weight, oh my the whole world seems to notice and point. Whereas if a man gains weight, no one says a word. How come? Why does society work like this? Women often fell pressure to look pretty whenever they step out of the house. I often feel that way too. I spend twenty minutes on makeup everyday. I can't even go to school without wearing makeup. I do not know if I should classify this behavior as superficiality or insecurity. I have a question and I'm curious to see what kind of answers I will get.
What makes a man look twice?
Beauty, right? Is that way women nearly kill themselves to look beautiful all the time? Threading eyebrows DO kill. Dear Lord.
But, what makes not only a man stay, but everyone else?

The brain is a wondrous thing. It's amazing how many memories and information this body part can store. You would think that the brain needs a new battery every single day. I would like to inform myself how the brain really operates and how on earth some people gain such strong, natural, intelligence. Intelligence looks attractive on everyone. "Knowledge is power", and it can lead you to new discoveries and send you to the highest of clouds. Intelligence leads to strength, and what human being wouldn't want that? I recall a very distinct memory of myself way back in middle school about my craving, the ultimate obession of gaining intelligence. I read and studied literally every single day. Reading lead me to my twelfth grade reading comprehension ability, the following. Studying hard (avoiding trifling boys and drama) led to good, strong, a's and b's. The intelligence gave me attention I desired from peers. I wanted more and more. I even attempted to read the dictionary for pity's sake. In middle school, I wasn't considered about beauty in the least. I really wasn't. I didn't wear makeup and I really didn't want to. I just wasn't interested nor did I care. Sure, I took care of myself-shower, teeth, hair, but when it came to physical attraction...nah.

Obviously, I gave in of course. Not until my sophomore year of highschool. I gave in to daily makeup. I'm a junior now. Many girls consider that "late," but I feel sorry for those who started off early. Why?
They never got to discover what natural beauty is and how to appreciate it.
Now I'm just like everyone else-makeup is my dependent and achieving beauty overall, is a distraction. Women, wouldn't we like to be praised for our brains instead of our beauty?
Yes. What a stupid question, right?
Yeah, but how many of us would truthfully say yes? Which of the two(beauty or brains) would give you the attention that our hearts desire? Which of the two gives us the attention that we all can't help but want?
Question: Why do fathers often freak out when their daughters are starting to wear makeup?
Well, why do we honestly wear makeup, ladies? We wear it, not only to feel comfortable in our skin, but we wear it because of men. In our hearts, it is a natural desire for us to please men, and men respond to beauty.

"You really can't have both, my cousin Jonah had told me one day. People are usually half and half. I haven't met anyone who was so beautiful and had Einstein's brains."
Where the heck have you been? Hahaha. Silly boy. They're everywhere! Look at Emma Watson, for example! Why, it's all of us, right? Every women is intelligent in her own way and we are all gorgeous.
Let's focus on what is more important, shall we ladies. Let's see what our Father says about outward appearance:
Proverbs 31:30-"Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting:but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Beauty is fleeting. What is the definition of fleeting? Ah, yes.
There is our answer.