Another night alone

Rose Valentine is such a lonely girl.
I'm feeling quite miserable right now. I haven't got any major plans for the New Year. Of course there are parties out there, but guess who never gets invited? My friends are either going to parties, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. I'm feeling so friendless and lonely right now. Why hasn't anyone invited me? I can't believe I'm celebrating the New Year just at Maggiano's Little Italy with my family, then go back to sulking in my room.
Awful.
I had a g.n.o last night and it was fantastic. My girls and I talked about how we wished that we got invited to fun parties. Our school is small and private, so everyone belongs in their own little clique. If you really wanted to be the center of attention- well you can't just be the good angels. That's obvious.
I refuse to take a sip of alcohol, run any bases with a guy, or grind. I think that is the reason why people don't invite me. Several times, I've been asked if I were considering to become a nun. "Oh Sister, Rose." Oh, for heaven's sake, of course not! I most certainly don't look like a nun. I love mini-skirts, I wear a bit more makeup then I should, and I wear ripped jeans! (Well, if their appropriate of course. Some mini-skirts are much too "mini.") I just have the desire to be good and be an angel in Christ. It's amazing how people don't understand that.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll find somewhere to go. I wish I had more invites.
Or excuse me, invites. I hardly get any. I hear about the parties all the time but the same people get invited. And of course, we mingle with the local schools which must be a blast, because meeting new people is always nice. I know tons of kids outside of my school it's just that I don't talk to them often. I guess I'm not that much fun to be around with. I don't know why, but tonight I just wish some stupid boy would just take me out. You know, someone who would like to see me and open the New Year together. I would have an excuse to get all dolled up in a pretty sparkly dress. Gosh, I shouldn't of watched the Notebook again. Stupid Rose. :)
This is my first New Year's without a dress. There was always a family party somewhere but this year, family activities have fallen out.

Happy New Year! I definitely hope that your night is much better than mine. Seriously.
I believe that each and every year, God brings everyone really big and happy surprises. I wonder what my surprise would be?

New Year's Bash

Why is it so difficult to achieve New Year's resolutions?
It's so easy for the human mind to drift and wander. Motivation gets lost. We've got to fight the temptation to lose. Imagine how much happier the new year would be. Just close your eyes and see yourself smile.
I have my resolutions placed in three categories. Categorizing them on the computer makes my resolutions appear less intimidating and challenging. I know I will conquer them, because I believe it in my heart. Their not unrealistic, either-they're my dreams. Every single one of them.
This year I've learned that love is not what my heart desires the most. In fact, relationships frighten me. The heart can really hurt, you know. Really hurt. It will still beat, but with bruised beats and that is where the pain comes from. And that is what scares me- a beating bruised heart. You can't take pills to make the pain vanish. You have to use the invisible bandages like God's love to save you. The simplest things like, lyrics to a song or even a photograph can hypnotize you into sick. I am caught in some sort of "Forbidden Romance" and it's scaring me and puzzling my mind.
"You have feelings for me?"
"I do, I can't explain, but I really do. You're my girl, Rose and you always will be."
Long story and I'm most definitely saving it for another post. Love is not worth my time or my heart.
Dreams seem more promising.

Dreams can vanish very quickly, very fast. One accident can ruin everything. Just one. Dreams are fragile. You have to have an open heart, a clear mind, and an optimistic look to achieve them. Not everything goes as planned. But with God on your side and Jesus holding your hand, there is no defeat. With them two, you will have the ball in your hands and make the touchdown, the goal, the hoop...
And then you'll do a little dance. :)
I have learned quite a lot this past year. It's been lovely, stressful, and wow talk about major explosions. From academics to everything else, some point throughout the year, things were breaking apart. Balancing school and cheer was a major challenge, dating a jerk for six months was disgusting, and friends? Dear Lord. The Homecoming drama and breaking into pairs and (gossiping about each other within those pairs) was just absolutely immature and utterly ridiculous. My girls and I were definitely bringing out the claws to the point we were all screaming all at once, "PLEASE. Can we tame ourselves?!" I will never understand how girls and women can be so nasty and harsh to each other. I remember telling my father about this and he was right, we were going through a phase. Friends drift apart all the time. Anyway, 2010 is fast approaching and I've got big plans for this blog.

The Truce-
I, Rosalina Nastassia Valentine swear on my heart that I will give myself one rockin' new year. :)
The Goals:
Academic

• More a's. I have way too many b's.
• Focus more. Everyday is National Nerd Day.

Cheerleading

• Sign up for tumbling classes and get backhandspring. C'MON LET'S GO.
• Higher and better jumps
• Tryout for competition. (Let's not repeat last year's disaster, now shall we? Oh my gosh no.)

Modeling

• More photoshoots. Send to magazines.Finish portfolio
• Sign up for an agency.
• Sign up for contests

2010! It's going to be a bash!
What to look forward to:
-License
-SAT.(HA. I'm totally joking. I'm quite nervous. I want to get into a good college)
-Lucky 17 photoshoot with the beautiful Emily White and the stunning Alexis Johnson. My friends. :)
-Lucky 17 birthday bash or sophisticated dinner. I'm trying to decide.
-My first prom!!(found some lovely dresses already!)
-Hopefully more to come!

&& the most important... the number one.
Getting closer to Christ.

Its not yet over

Merry Christmas! I hope your holiday was lovely!

I went to church at midnight on Christmas Eve with my family and then we arrived home around one in the morning and opened gifts. Yes, Catholics are crazy. :) I got a nice set of earrings, a very pretty wallet, bedroom slippers, earphones, itunes card, Burberry scarf, the best room spray ever,a dress, and other miscellaneous things.

Anyway, it's still Christmas and I've refused to stop listening to Christmas carols and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. Twelve days of Christmas, remember? Although, I am thoroughly excited for the New Year. I don't have any plans yet(unfortunately. I have no idea what I am to do) but I'm most definitely going out. I'm going to the mall on Tuesday to buy a sparkly dress for the occasion. I have so many plans for the new year. 2009 was not a year I could look back with a smile, but I will say that this was the year when I finally did some growing up and things just blew up in my face. These are thoughts I would love to share with you, my readers. Expect a post on the eve.

Right now, I must go and ready myself for evening Church. And my favorite football team is playing. Go Falcons!

A Holiday Cheer

Some pictures from the photoshoot. :) By Rasul. I love these pictures, but with the camera there is always something I'm not satisfied with- my eyebrows. I get them done and I'm never satisfied. My eyebrows are just naturally ugly and I think it ruins the pictures. Rasul is an amazing photographer, and because of him I have the confidence to become a photo model. :)

You don't need a mistletoe

You don't need a significant other to enjoy Christmas.
All you need is your family and your church- to celebrate the birthday of Christ together. This year, I don't want Santa to bring me Troy.
Who is Troy?
Many of you should remember Troy from last Christmas time. Enter the name,"Troy" on here and read the December post. In ten days, he would be missing for one year.
And counting?
This year, I want Santa to bring me my dreams. Every single one of them. God has got that covered though. :) Time will tell. So, I guess this Christmas season I really don't know what I want this season. I'm excited for the new year as well. I have so many plans for 2010. 2009 was not a great year for me at all. I learned some pretty harsh lessons that I will discuss on here in due time.
I have learned so many things. Many of them in a painful way.
Especially love. Seriously, forget that. My mom always tells me that I should focus on making something out of myself and then focus on love when I have my career going and everything. I can honestly see myself being single for a long time. I just don't care about being a relationship. I don't need it. They always hurt me and the disappointment is just not worth it. I want my dreams. All of them.
All at once.
That's all I want.

Christmas Joy

I am feeling so happy.
It's incredible.
My first photoshoot went extremely well today. I'm going to be one of Rasul's models for his business AND he's sending my photos to his father's modeling agency in New York. I couldn't believe it. He told me that I have the potential to be a model and he wants me to try it. My goodness, me? Rose Valentine? Modeling in New York? 2010 is going to be so amazing! I cannot wait to see the pictures. Rasul is posting them on facebook tomorrow evening. He's so sweet and gosh, what a beautiful talent he has.
I love my daddy. He spoils me. :) He's going to throw me a big bash for my seventeenth birthday(Febuary), and he's signing me up for tumbling lessons. Finally, I can go onto competition cheerleading.
And finally the license in January(finally... dear Lord) and a car later.
Oh, and did I mention that I making my blog into a book? :)
It's quite possible. I'm picking fifty posts and I'm going to send them in into a writing company.
Help me choose?
Man. I love Christmas time.
Justin Beiber lives ten minutes away from me. Yes... he does. And, he applied to the private school that I go to, but he's obviously not planning to attend anymore. SO. WEIRD. I'm really not a fan of him. Ha.
By the way, I saw Brody last night. ( Broke up a month ago, haven't seen each other in two.)He wasn't happy to see me. I greeted him with a cheerful hello and he didn't smile back or speak. He just gave me a quick wave. Our basketball teams were playing against each other. I was cheering and he was playing. His team won. Brody's school is filthy rich and gorgeous and famous people's kids have gone to that school. I honestly did not want to be there last night. I was so distracted, because we were so close. I cheered my absolute worst. My coach yelled at me.
But you know...who cares? Just a boy, honestly.
I have a lot to look forward to, and I praise God for that. I really, really, wish I could of gone to that gig tonight with Mel. Oh well. Lonely Saturday nights are about to change when those car keys start shakin' in my pocket. :)

Christmas Wish

"When you look out the window, what do you see?"

Pain.

"No, no... what do you see? The lovely trees, the birds... the snow looks mighty fine today."

I see pain.

The therapist was getting very impatient. Getting a grip on his clipboard, he pursed his lips and looked at his patient with flaring eyes. The doctor didn't have time for silly games.

"Okay... fine. Show me."

The boy turned and looked at him with watery eyes. Slowly but surely, the teenaged boy unrolled his sleeves and revealed fresh cuts and scares that were decorated all over his wrists. The cuts and scars were shaped like hearts, each hurt had a lighting bolt shaped going down the middle. The therapist was getting very apprehensive. " Uh, have you anymore? he asked, in a strained voice. The teenaged boy shook his head. He got up from the sofa and walked towards the window they were looking at just moments ago.

"Whenever I look outside, I see broken hearts everywhere I go. I can't stand it. I can't stand seeing pain- I just want to feel it myself so that person doesn't have to feel pain at all. I want to take that pain away. You see that yellow house down the street- you know, the one with the red car? There's a couple in there who just lost their only daughter in a car wreck. Their daughter was being beaten by her bestfriend and they crashed into a brick wall. And you know the house next to that house? The brown one, on your left-well, there's a guy who lives there and he's really lonely. He cheated on his wife-he had been for over two years. He tried to shoot himself when his wife found out, but the wife took the gun from his hand and shot herself. Sometimes I go over there to help him weed his garden or whatever. He's invited me a couple times for dinner and he helps me with my trig homework. It's painful to be lonely-don't you think?

The teenaged boy took a deep, shuddering breath. He didn't dare look at the therapist who was his blank stare. The boy could feel the stare piercing his back. "Go on." the therapist spoke quietly. The boy nodded, still gazing out into the window. "Well, you know that house across from me? The really big white one? Looks like a castle, doesn't it? A girl lives there- a really beautiful girl. The boy began to shook. Tears were trailing down his cheeks. The therapist still hung back. She's so pretty that whenever I get mad at her, I can't yell at her. She's just like my mom and that's why I love her. I gave her everything, mister.Everything any girl could dream of. You see, my parents are very rich so I showered that girl with gifts from Tiffany to Ralph Lauren. I took her to Paris for her birthday and kissed her under fireworks. I gave her everything-even my body. My body which she used, tore apart, and took. She never really wanted to love me. She just wanted to know what "it" felt like so she could brag to her friends that she is no longer a virgin.

"Was that all you liked, her prettiness?"

The boy was stung by this. He tossed the therapist a very nasty look and turned to the window. "No, he repiled, shortly. I loved everything about her. He looked up at the man with tear filled eyes. "You see my Christmas tree over there? It's pretty isn't it?" The therapist turned around and noticed the tree. The Christmas tree was breath takenly gorgeous-the lights were blinding, and the ornaments bore such heavenly glow, that the man- for a split moment thought the ornaments were diamonds. He squinted and craned his neck to take a better look at the ornaments. He was stunned. The boy noticed the therapist's reaction. "It's nice isn't? He whispered, making his way to the trees. He picked up a diamond that was hanging loosely from the leaves and pocketed it. "I add a new diamond everyday, just for her. This tree is for her."

The therapist had much difficulty feeling comfortable. He desperately wanted to leave and just prescribe the boy depression pills. But something deep inside his heart was nagging him-telling him to wait just a little bit longer. Maybe he will hear something. The therapist watched the boy play with the diamond.

"What's the girl's name?"

"Pain, the boy replied,immediately. "Broken. Like the world, you see? You see out there, mister? You see all that pain I was pointing out to you earlier?" The therapist frowned. "Yes, but-"

"No. Let me finish." The boy resorted back to the window. His tear dried face was now flushed with profound anger. His hands were clenched into fists. I just can't take this anymore. I just want everyone to be happy. That's all I want. Someone's heart breaks every forty-five seconds. I want to stop that."

The therapist dared to laugh. "What?! He snarled. That is not possible, for the world to be happy! Get it out of your head, boy."

"No, I can't get it out of my head. I want to. I really, really, do. But my heart loves so much that it explodes. All I want for Christmas are mended hearts. For everyone... even you." The boy turned to face him. His expression blank. "I see you, mister. In my sleep. I see how much you're suffering." The therapist was turning pink with embarrassment. "Shut up. Just shut right now, boy." He shook his finger at him with fury. "You are crazy, insane. I ought to send you to the asylum." The boy advanced on him. They were now face-to-face.

"Then go ahead- take me. the boychallenged, harshly. I'm sure I'll see more broken hearts I ought to fix. That's what I'm doing for Christmas, mister. I'm going to mend every broken heart in the world."

Even my own.

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed my Christmas tale. I personally don't like it.. I had some really lovely ideas and they all got lost in my studies and in my sleep. Lol. Look at the story closely. Guess the moral. I want to know how you feel.

Glowing Angels

Look at this gorgeous girl, my loves. She's glowing.

She's literally glowing.

Whenever I see people smile or laugh, I immediately spot a "heavenly glow" on their face. I think smiling looks very pretty on everyone. After all, as God's children we are also his angels. I have a lot of angels in my life and they're all just gorgeous and wonderful. When I picture an angel, I see white wings, flawless faces, and glitter. What do you see,my loves? I see an angel in every single person and despite sins and wrongdoings, we are all humans with goodness in our hearts. Even in the most grimmest of faces, there's charm in there somewhere. Look into the mirror, my readers and smile. I adore the bright faces of laughing children and babies. Don't those cute little things just glow? Oh how I adore the sound of a child's laughter. That's what my mother likes as well- the sound of laughter.

Laughter.

I laugh a lot-naturally. Despite my difficulties I still manage to laugh. My mother really isn't well, and I'm trying to not to worry myself sick. Instead, I pray and pray and pray and allow my friends to make me feel happy and smile. I DO hope my mother gets better soon. She gave me such a terrible fright the another night.

I'm feeling quite alright. I think it's because I have some things to look forward to this coming weekend. Isn't it nice to have things to look forward to?

A friend of mine lifted up my hopes today. I am so excited for the adventures my friend and I are going to have with all-star cheerleading-trying to get in at least. Ha. I'm beginning to focus more and more on my dreams each and everyday. I want become lawyer and a psychologist Rodeo Drive motivates me the most.

Evil-ex nun lady made me smile today. She told me that inspire her.

My friend Valerie asked me if I wanted to become a nun at cheerleading practice yesterday. At first, I responded with a somewhat resentful tone, because I've been asked that many times. But Valerie's question was innocent, so I soon began to laugh.

Ialso have my very first photoshoot on Sunday. I'm thinking of becoming a model for the American Cheerleader magazine.(Each and everyday, I'm getting inspired and motivated to do different things and reach for my dreams. I am beginning to focus more on Christ and my dreams.) My photographer/model is called, Rasul- the hot guy from downtown. He's actually my friend's ex and he had sent me a friend request on facebook over the summer. Have I mentioned that he has the most beautiful skin complexion I have ever seen? Rasul's skin reminds me of caramel- He's positively glowing! And his smile, wow!! I look at people's smiles. I think smiles are very pretty on our faces. :)

I hear Christmas Carols, don't you?

I will never understand these terrible feelings

Brody used me?
What?
And he has new girlfriend already.
Vomit. I'm trying to hold back tears as I'm writing to you.
My mom got a kidney stone and she's suffering from depression.
My cheerleading coach threatened to bench me, because I fail to remember most of the cheers. (I'm a slow learner when it comes to learning dance rountines, cheer motions, etc. All it takes is patience with me and repetition.)
My grades are slipping as the work becomes harder.
I feel like I'm losing my connection with Christ. At night before I lay down to rest, my prayers are rushed.
In general...
I hate my life.
Loathe it.
Despise it.
And oh, I honestly think that relationships, dating, and love all together is the worst thing any human can experience.
Why?
Because, we are always breaking each other apart. Too many feelings get involved and people get hurt all the time. I don't care if that's part of the process, I highly doubt God wanted human love to turn out that way. Love sucks. I'm not taking anymore chances. I don't even care if I don't meet another guy for the rest of highschool. I'm always getting hurt and disappointed.

Don't you ever give up,young pretty things

Don't you ever give up, you hear me?

I mean it.

All of your lives are as precious as anyone else's. Boys and girls, you are just too darn beautiful to throw anything away. God made you. You are most definitely worth it.

Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

You all deserve the best. All of your dreams will come true if you work hard and efficiently. Everyone deserves to be happy, to feel safe, and to be kissed. Seriously my loves, treat yourselves well. Watch a sunset. Dance in the rain and stay out all night.

Don't you ever give up, you hear me?

Chase after the things that you want. Chase after your heart's desires. And never, ever, forget about Jesus.

Don't ever give up, you young pretty thing. Everyday I'm trying to work hard in everything I do. This year, a lot of things have blown up in my face. I have to realize that the people who want to crush me are coming faster and faster. I have to fight for what I want. From college acceptances to even the cheerleading squad. Competition lurks everywhere. Must I give up?

No. Don't let competition sway you. Embrace it. Love it. Hug it.

Chances are, whatever happens, you have will make it to where you want to stand.

But-but there is one thing I have given up on. For me.

Wow, Rose Valentine way to contradict your own post.

I know, but I just want to be honest with you, my loves.

As of this day, I have officially given up on love. I'm always left disappointed and quite frankly, I just don't care. Nothing ever works out. I don't want to date, get in a relationship, or anything. Yes, I would like a prom date but a gentlemen would never ask me. I always get hit on by the "gangsters" from different schools, ha. Random guys from mutual friends would add me, talk to me, but wouldn't ever bother to make "proper "conversation. I never get asked to anything. All of the guys ask my really gorgeous friends at school.

All I need is Jesus. My faith. My church. My youthgroup, friends, and cheerleading.

Don't you ever give up, young pretty things. On anything. You all will get that love you deserve and the dreams that you dream of,

Life disappoints... over and over.

I'm sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
I've been saying that a lot lately. Perhaps more than I should be.
My life for the past week has been a living... hell? It's official, I'm a mess and I can't work with people. Because of a careless mistake, Brody and I are through.
Done. Six months, it's over. It would of been seven, tomorrow-his birthday. Brody wants a break, but the definition of a break is a 'break-up.' So, to me our relationship is over. I'm moving on. Brody's blaming me with his finger pointed and his ego at it's highest level. Whatever. I've wasted my time. I have never given a guy so many chances. He just pulls out the victim card and acts like he's the only one scorned.
I would explain, but honestly I've explained a thousand times. Let's just say it involved my sister Caroline, and facebook.
Stupid mini feed. Go die.
I will tell you later, loves. Or now. I should just say it.
Okay. So tell me why this facebook status,"Rose Valentine hopes to find a guy that would FINALLY give her the respect she deserves.." and a facebook comment,"KICK HIM TO THE CURB. Kick his sorry butt to curb," is a cause of a blow-up? Yes, exactly. This is why Brody is livid with me. Yes, it was wrong for me to post something like that as a status and not expect him to be upset, but instead of ignoring me and then blowing up, why couldn't he just ask what was up? Brody is so egotistical. It was ONE status, ONE comment. Yes, it's not fair for him because he wasn't told what he did wrong, but it's not like Caroline and I were trying to hurt him on purpose. We just expressed our feelings online. That's all. One time.
ONE.
I was sick of Brody bailing and bailing and not making the effort. Nor caring. Over and over. It was a disgusting cycle. Not to mention that a huge lie he told around Homecoming season that he never admitted too. Instead, Brody pointed his finger at me and called me a "stalker." I mean, there IS proof, that he lied. It's online. On his OWN facebook. Halloween night was the final straw.
Brody told me that he "legit hates my sister" and that I was mad for no reason, can't make my own decisions, I need to stop assuming things, etc.
Alright then, jerk.
I apologized several times. And I am sorry. I felt so terrible that he was pissed at me. I felt so terrible for making the status. I even apologized for Caroline. I felt so terrible that I deleted the status and the comment. Honestly, I've had enough of Brody's baby crap. Yeah, go ahead and pull out the victim card. You're not only hurt here, Brody Mingram. Instead of assuming that I was making up stories, how about you ask me why I was mad?
Throughout the whole six months, I have never felt so disrespected in my life. Brody thinks he's never wrong. I can't stand up for myself when I'm with him. I just can't. When conflicts arise,(which occurred much too often with us) he just wants to quarrel and quarrel. Brody has never apologized to me. Never. He thinks he's the hottest and brightest guy in the world. He's got a Kanye West ego. Legit.
I deserve better. It's amazing it took six months for me to realize that. My friends were disappointed that I couldn't just end things with Brody. All of them including my mother, don't think very highly of him. Especially Caroline and Evan. I don't know why I couldn't break things off with Brody. I mean, I've had before.
For a day.
"Men often disappoint." A quote from my mom. She told me that one of her male co-workers had said that to her. I was honestly near tears that night when she said this to me. I'm beginning to believe the quote, because I'm seeing it with my own eyes.I don't know how many times I've bumped into jerk after creeper, after jerk, after creeper... I am just so sick of having my girls getting trampled by a bunch of losers. I am so sick of it. Everyone is hurting.
This past week, I've had every kind of problem. School, cheer, relationships, family... gosh. I have never cried so much in one week. When Friday finally rolled along, I was feeling very down. My friends kept pointing it out that I was zoning out and looking very depressed through out the day. I had embarrassed myself in front of my history with a terribly messy project, and had let my group down. My bad feelings escalated when I failed my chemistry test that I studied really hard for. By lunch it was mid afternoon and I almost cried at lunch. My friends noticed by depressed spirits, but I couldn't get out of it.When I was speaking up in evil ex-nun's lady's class, I was on the verge of tears. We were discussing, "The Crucible" and I get incredibly nervous when I speak up in her class. So, as I was explaining the significance of a person's name, I somewhat stumbled on my words and my eyes began to water very quickly. The evil- ex nun lady knew I was upset about something, but she looked up at me with a smile. The highlight of my day- evil ex-nun lady likes for me to look into my heart.

At the end of the day, things got worse. I was peer pressured to go watch some of my friends drink themselves to death at a park before the football game. My friends and I ended not being able to find the park and I was glad. I wasn't going to drink and I didn't want to watch my friends get drunk. I was upset when I found out that Savanna had gotten drunk and rode in the car with a drunk driver. Savanna, one of my best friends- a sister. She wanted me, Lia, and Evan to be there so she wouldn't be tempted to drink.

This whole "drinking party at a sketch park", made me very angry and I was not afraid to show it. Evan just wanted to go because her crush, Jesse would be there. She didn't want to go alone. I honestly didn't care about Jesse. I was more concerned about our safety and our reps.First of all, the boys who were involved went and bought the beer from some sketch guy, while wearing our school's logo on themselves. When you look at our logo, you would be able to tell that we are Christians. We're a well-known Catholic school, so if they guy turned out to be a cop... imagine. Our school tries to shelter us so badly, but they fail each time. They forget that we're teenagers just like every other kid in the local schools. If the find out about the drinking party or parties(apparently kids do this every Friday at the same park) the whole school would be in total uproar. Besides that, they would be in such trouble for underage drinking. The boys bought forty-eight beers. Way to go, boys. I was so very happy that Lia got lost and we couldn't find the park. I only agreed to go, so I could watch out for Savanna because she wanted us to be there with her. Me, Lia, and Evan went out for dinner instead. We arrive back at school in time for the game and Savanna, the boys, and a couple of sophomores arrive at the game, drunk.
Have you noticed that a lot of songs are about alcohol overdose?
"Blame It" by Jamie Foxx, "Shots" by Lmfao, Tik Tok by Keisha... etc.
I fail to see the "joy" of getting wasted. No thanks, I'll take a coke.
I do listen to these songs though. I admit it. Not because I agree with them, it's just that they have hot dance beats. I ignore the lyrics.
Anyway...
I just hope my life gets better, because I am just so sick of the drama and problems I'm having.
This is not the whole story, by the way.
Honestly, I can't take it.
I hate my life.
I have some things to look forward to.
Let's put life in the sunlight shall we?
:)
I have a photoshoot coming up around the twentieth. I am so excited. And I'm so excited to meet the photographer. His name is Rasul and he is HOT. His smile would just melt you. I actually haven't met him before. He's my friend's ex boyfriend and he randomly added me on facebook over the summer. He's really sweet. Rasul a senior that goes to school in downtown.It's a pretty wicked school. That's where you will find a lot of the photographers and musicians. It's nice. Nice variety. Also, the first basketball game is on Thursday. I'm really happy about that. I am estatic to make signs and hand out candy to the basketball players. Each cheerleader is assigned to one player. I already have one player in mind that I would like to make signs for. Next month, basketball season may get a little crazy. We get to play against Brody's school. Our schools are not rivals, but Brody's team play like the NBA and they always have college reps appearing at their games.
Let's just hope that when Brody sees my face- beaming and cheering, he might just get a teeny bit flustered and miss the hoop. "Opps, I made a mistake."

Ruined

I'm so sick of trying to make everyone happy.

I'm bouncing back and forth with my cheerleading commitment.

I'm stressed with school.

I want Grandma back. So very badly.

I can't get my license next month.(More teasing from Brody... whoopie. Ha.)

And my Halloween plans are compeletely ruined.

I have just realized that overall, my luck this year has just been so terrible. School, friends, boys, cheer, man... c'mon!!

This weekend looks promising though. I may see Brody and I'm cheering at the Georgia Dome. I'm also making this really pretty rosary with yellow string. It's quite difficult.

I need a vacation to visit my best friend, Sophia Niccum.

I need some" pain medicine" as well.

What a stupid post.

Sorry. I just needed to write.

I'm going to go pray now.

<3

Your Pain Medicine

Heartache is one of the most painful things, a human can ever feel. It is a wonder how the human heart was made like this:impatient, fragile, and easy to be tossed around. Tonight, I pray for the hurt and the brokenhearted.
Let Jesus be your pain medicine.
I feel hurt all the time. I feel hurt from my stupid mistakes-those harsh words that may slip to my silly actions. Oh yes, I honestly do. I cannot tell you how many nights I have been startled by my sleep in the middle of night, by these things. I just can't seem to accept my imperfections. But anyway, this post isn't about me.
This post is for you.
And you.
And you.
And you... yeah... you.
Gosh, I just CANNOT remember the Bible verse that goes along with this post! The verse fits so perfectly, like an engagment ring slipping on a maiden's finger. It fits... so right. Let me just give you your pain medicine, my readers.
If I can bake you a cupcake with sparkles and icing to brighten up your day... I would. Hurt and pain should be temporary. But it is so easy, for bad feelings to rob us. The world could be lovely, you know. You just have to walk with Jesus and love till your hearts break. Love till your hearts break?
Yes. Love traps us. Friendship love, relationship love, mother/daughter love... just plain love.
We get sucked in because it's simply just so easy. And when we are hurt, we feel the needles stabbing us, one by one.
Literally.
When your heart breaks, keep on lovin'. Because, love will only make you stronger, and the hurt will make your eyes wide open. But... but can't hurt block us, block us from loving? Aren't people just so sick of getting hurt? Your heart is begging you, readers. "Don't give up. Don't give up on me. Just let me heal and grow and then you can start all over again."
Let your smile be your pain medicine. Let your laughter be your joy and let the sun guide you. Don't push away the things that make you happy.
Life ends so quickly. My grandma died a week ago from breast cancer.
70.

My Series of Unfortunate Events

Let's put my series of unfortunate events on fast foward, shall we?

Homecoming night was so awful. Talk about a night full of disappointments.I was on the verge of tears. Evan's car broke down, so she was unable to attend pictures, dinner, and the dance. I ended up being the only girl in the Homecoming group without a date. Dinner was terrible. I looked pathetic sitting alone in the faint dinner light, texting under the table. The dance was no better, because a lot of my friends had dates so I was constantly being ditched and forgotten. I left the dance an hour early.I can honestly say that I was very upset with Brody not being with me. I didn't even want to talk to him that night. What was his reason for not being there?

His mother.

And since when as a mother stopped a teenage boy from being with the girl he likes? Oh and it's quite funny how the next day, I find out that Brody and his friends was at my school earlier that day, for a football game. ( Pictures. Facebook stalking always has its benefits) Did he tell me that? Why no, of course not. To test him, I asked the boy what he did that saturday of my Homecoming, and he told me everything but the game.

Wow.

I got really upset the next day when I told my friends what had happened. They all think that Brody lied to me and that I should dump him. "He never makes the effort to do anything, Rose! Mel hissed. "You need to talk to him." I did, and everything is cleared up. I got over the whole situation the next day. I don't hold grudges. He didn't lie? Well, I confronted him last weekend about it after we went out for lunch and he said he doesn't remember. Chyeah...whatever.

What else?

Oh yes... the first football coach at my school died last Sunday. George B. Maloof. Man. What an incredible guy. He was a Georgia legend that's for sure. Grandma died Thursday morning and Caroline and I consoled each other and cried. We just lost Grandpa five months ago. My mother woke up in the middle of night and was wailing. Grandma was my mom's closet aunt. We all loved Grandma very much. She was in a lot of pain. She's holding hands with Jesus now. But gosh, there are alot of times where I just hate my life.

The positives?

Cheerleading and grades are getting better. I have fours a's, a b and a c. I still have time to get all a's. I have a photoshoot coming up very, very soon too. I'm not sure when, but I am excited. Last night, I went out with Zach Knight and we talked for three hours at Starbucks. It was very nice, actually. We have a really deep connection and it scares me to the point where I might have to stay away from him. I know he has feelings for me because he told me so and well, I'm seeing Brody. As much as I don't want, I have to keep my distance. What can happen between me and Zach can happen real fast. We honestly do open up to each other... even more than I do with Brody. Zach said that he was thankful to have me here and that he likes who I am. He even brought up the day we met and he remembers everything about what we had in the past. Ha.

This is totally forbidden.

Stephanie Callahan, my "big sister" wants me to go for Zach Knight. I can't and I won't allow it. Zac knows I'm dating Brody. Although, Brody and I are not exclusive, we're technically not single?? I've been with Brody for five months now. I don't want to give up it up, especially now when we are improving. Caroline has found her guy and he treats her like a princess. I am very happy for my sister. :) Hayden is his name, and he is incredibly adorable.

I am very bored today. I think I'm going to take my mom's car and go out for a spin. Maybe I could surprise my friend Renee with a visit. :) I get my license next month. Holla.

Gosh, give me a break

Homecoming Football game tonight.

Why am I not there?

In my highschool career,I have never had a friday night without football is in season... yill now.

This week was just full of disappointments, stress, and drama. My girls and I are not behaving our best with each other. We have suddenly broken off into pairs and rarely share secrets with each other. Out of Mel, Evan, and Savanna, I am closest to Evan. Evan and I have always been so incredibly close. Besides my sister, Evan gets the full story of my life. To make this story short and to the point, us girls are not getting along as well as we use to. There's been Homecoming drama and all kinds of nonsense. Evan and I are just sick of it. Besides that, several things have just been awful and I always feel like I need to pitch a fit. My grades are slowly taking over my life and is affecting my relationship with Christ. I had a nice talk with Brody last night about time. My time.He basically said that I'm always really busy and that hinders us from spending time with each other. This actually did hit me when he told me this and I was beginning to see the truth. I told Brody that I need to make more time for him and he agreed. He was being very calm and mature about it and I really did appreciate that. Me and Brody's dating relationship is very relaxed and free. There's absolutely no pressure. Brody expresses his affections not so much with words, but with his actions. Sure, we act like bestfriends/ brother and sister, but whenever he grabs my hand or kisses me angelically on the forehead, I know his feelings are there. Our first kiss still brings fire to my soul. It was perfect.

My darlings, belive what I am telling you. Yes, it has been two days since I have written to you all last,and things have changed... already? I desperately need a break from people.I'm home tonight because I have two papers to work on, I am exhausted, I have to prepare for my sister's Confirmation at EIGHT FORTY-FIVE AM ,and quite frankly,I just don't care about Homecoming anymore. I don't even want to attend the dance. I am so incredibly disappointed that Brody's mother wouldn't allow him to go with me. I just couldn't help but be slightly angry and just thoroughly upset.Brody felt horrible and I performed well by hiding mydisappointment, until our friend Alexandra confronted him last night. I wish she didn't do that, but its quite alright. She told me that Brody was really sad that he couldn't go to Homecoming with me and hoped that I wasn't truly mad at him. I was never mad-just really really disappointed. He had texted me after talking to Alexandra and I could tell he was still feeling bad. Oh well. It's such a shame!!! But, Brody's homecoming is in two weeks and I hope he asks me. I think that is the reason why I'm not looking forward to Homecoming. Evan and I are the only girls in the group without dates. That's not a problem anymore, because there are like, five guys who are solo as well. I'm just jealous of Savanna and Mel because they expressed their excitement at lunch while Evan and I were like, "Yeah... whatever. Let's get this dance over with." On a lighter note, I am finally having some chill time and I'm going to get my nails done. No regrets tonight. :)

An update on life

My darlings, it is so gorgeous out today. How I would love to get out of the house and shop. School was cancelled due to yesterday's flooding... and the sun suddenly broke out from the sky. I am loving this day off more than ever before. I am more than halfway down with my research paper and I got nine hours of sleep. I can honestly say for these little things, I am quite happy. I get my license on Brody's birthday((November 9th!) and a car that following weekend. I can hardly wait. Homecoming is on Saturday and our football team has beasted every single game we've had so far. My history and math grade is getting better and I'm getting a's in evil-ex nun lady's class.I surprised my old friends just a couple weeks ago and even bumped into my middle school sweetheart. && I must say that he still has that handsome face I met five years ago. Zach Knight, is his name and he was so sweet that night. He was stuttering and seemed to be very flustered. He had sent me a text saying this, "You blow my mind away. I couldn't believe it... I was stuttering and I was nervous. God, you are so beautiful. I want to see you again."

I've learned so many things about myself this month.It's quite moving. Perhaps I am really growing up. I look into the mirror and I can hardly recognize myself. I'm becoming more confident and sure of my decisions. Just last night at exactly 11:11, I planned out my life withsister, Caroline.I am going to attend Colombia U and become the "Legally Blonde lawyer/cheerleader. I seriously want to be just like Reese Witherspoon with her cute pink suit and matching dog.This blog will become a published book and I will be able to spoil my parents. Caroline is going to become a doctor and then a few years later, we will get our own flat in L.A, shop in Paris, and meet very handsome cowboys by then names of Moses and Troy. :) Caroline gets hot man MOSES and of course I get my knight and shining armor... Troy.

I love being a teenager.

It's me, dear. Rose Valentine.

Are you content with your life right now?

No. Why? Let me tell you why.

I'm feeling school stress. SAT's, college, GPA, yeah the stuff that determines where my career should start off. Oh and did I mention that I wish I had money and that I didn't begin my cheer dreams so late? I really really want to be a college cheerleader but I have to work my butt of now and senior to make it on an all girls squad. I'm willing to do that though.&& I am absolutely envious of my friend Tyler Whitley. She has it all. Honestly. Her life is too great. I can say I would rather trade spots with her than with anyone else right now.

How does the weather make you feel today?It's dark out. I'm feeling alright.

What do you want right now?

The ability to be so intelligent that studying for the SATS would be a waste of my time. And I want my license. (November 9th.) My backhandspring and some random junk on fredflare.com. Ha.

Do you have a relationship with Christ?

Jesus is my boyfriend. I've come to learn that that's the only thing in my life that won't let me down. He's the most important boy in my life and will probably be the only important boy.

What do you like most about yourself?

I'm sweet.

What have you learned about yourself as of now?

Slightly naive and I can be too soft with certain people. Not a good thing. And also, cheerleading gives me the attention I like. One of the reasons why I'm not giving it up and continuing in college.

Who is the angel in your life?

Every single one of my friends. Both boys and girls... so beautiful they are.

Who is the most handsome guy you know?

My daddy.

What are you looking forward to?

Homecoming with Brody. :) Cheering at a football game. And the end of my research paper.

Who makes you laugh?

Brody Mingram. Ming. Mingram. Mingo Mango. :)

Do you believe in letting go?
I don't know how to answer this question...

Ever been used?
I think I'm being used right now. I cried about it earlier this week while I was studying for evil ex nun lady's vocabulary test. I can't ask right now if I'm wrong or not. I'm timing the whole situation. Then again, I a huge part of my heart knows that I am not being used and that it's the outsiders who are putting ideas in my head.

If you had a horse, what would you name him or her?
Titus. He will be my knight in shining armor.

Is anyone mad at you right now?
I hope not...

Do you believe in finding true love at a young age?
Of course I do. There is no "age" nor "timing" when you can fall for someone.

Do you want to write a book someday?
Oh for sure. I have big plans this year for this blog especially.

Do you wish you looked like someone else or are you satisfied with yourself?
Oh my gosh I would love to like the head cheerleader, Michelle Plumer. She is absolutely gorgeous, dear Lord. She's such a sweetheart and she has ALOT of brains too. I'm not the prettiest girl in the world, but I won't call myself ugly.

Pink or red?
Pink. That has been my favorite color since kindergarten.

First bestfriend's name?
Natalia Paris and Hannah Frank. Natalia I met in preschool and we're still soul sisters. Hannah I met in kindergarten and we don't talk anymore. We just drifted off.

The HOTTEST male name ever?
Or names? Titus, Brody, Troy, and Adam.

Blue or green eyes?
Ocean blue. Gorgeous blue.

Favorite perfume or colonge?
Coco Chanel. And axe smells pretty good to me. :)

Your last text message says...?
"Oh yah it got canceled yesterday. :( so we're just gunna design it in 7th and 8th period so i'll b at lunch! :D- Evan

Tyra Banks or OrpahWinfrey?
TYRA BANKS.

Anyone's voice you want to hear really really badly right now?
Sophia Niccum.

What's happening tomorrow?
Red, White, Blue day at school for September 11. North game with Evan to visit old friends. Excited!!

Who do you facebook stalk? BE HONEST.
Oh Lord here we go...
1) Chris Angel(old boyfriend ha!)
2) Brody
3) Samir(BAHAHAHA)
4) Caroline (my sister)
5) Sophia :) LOL.
6)Stephanie Garcia
7)Annnd a bunch of other people.

Baseball or soccer?
NEITHER. Football, tennis, and all star cheerleading all the way...

How superficial are you? WITH YOURSELF.
I obsess over my teeth. Majorly. And my hair. I hate trying new things with my hair.

Got any online friends whom you've never met, but are your bestfriends?
Kimmy(one year), Kelcee(3 years), Dave(a month), and Sophia(It feels like forever!). :) But I've met every single one of them in my heart. So actually yes, I have met them.

Do you eat apples?
Organic! Daily.

Does your mom still pack your lunch?
Fo sho.


What should you be doing right now?
Going to sleep.


Songs you fall asleep to the most?
Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade, Red light by David Nail, and I Stay In Love By Mariah Carey.

Hold grudges?

No.

Attached

Let's not get too close, shall we?
I get attached to people.
And I hate it.
I can almost see another disaster happening for me, I pray that I have the strength to stop myself from doing this to the next person. I don't want to hurt myself again. That wound was just too deep.
I'm very much attached to my sister, Caroline. We are thirteen months apart so we're really really close. She's my bestfriend. We are able to steal each other's clothes, makeup, ipods, etc without getting cross with each other. It's really nice. We are shopping and gym partners and we text each other too. I love her so much. She has two bestfriends, Karen and Winston and at times (I have to admit) I get jealous when she tells them secrets and stories that she hasn't told me yet. I know, I know. Ridiculous.

I finally got to see Brody Friday night. We had a really nice date. We were planning to eat out and see a movie, but time wouldn't allow it, so we watched a movie instead. District 9 was our first pick, but Brody has been"riding dirty" and forgot his id/license. He's not even seventeen yet, but he could pass for eighteen and he manges to get into R rated movies anytime. I didn't bother trying my permit, so we had no choice but to see Post Grad.(Which was BEYOND terrible.Waste of money.) Brody and I act like brother and sister rather than a "touchy-feely" couple,and I like that a whole lot. He makes me laugh so much and we're finally getting comfortable around each other. I can act anyhow without feeling stupid or embrassed like the previous dates. I really do like this boy. It's so touching how he actually wants to hear what I have to say. When the movie was about to start, he grabbed my hand and I immediately snuggled up to him and put my head on his shoulder. I love how we both have the same values-everything is just innocent. && as the movie progressed, Brody kissed my forehead. It was so sweet. I kissed him back on the cheek in response. Brody would kiss my forehead at random and just after I kissed him on the cheek, he turned his head and we melted into real kissing.
I honestly hate using the word,"making out" although it was more than a peck. But it was sweet kissing, gentle, and self-controlled , and we were still holding each other's hands. We actually kissed alot. :) It was really lovely. Although, I think( since we both had a little bit of a cough) I'm getting slightly sick. No, no, it's totally not mono. I've never gotten mono but I know it can get pretty serious. I'm feeling fine, just that my cough got slightly worse. Lucky Brody, his went away. HAHA. My friends and everyone else is waiting for us to stop dating and become official. It's been three months since we've started dating. I was actually hoping Brody would ask me to be his girl that very night after those kisses, but perhaps we are already official. We're not into anyone else but each other.
Sigh. I hate being a girl sometimes. You see all those crazy emotions I'm feeling about being kissed? Ha.
It's going to be so easy to get attached to this boy. Gosh, he makes me feel so pretty and comfortable and happy. "I haven't felt this way in such a long time..." I texted my "big sister" Stephanie Callahan. "Have you ever felt this way?" She repiled. This was something I didn't have to ponder for ages. "No, you're right Stephanie. I have never felt this way." And this is exactly what I fear.

Getting attached to this boy.

Because after kissing him "goodbye ,be safe", I realized that it didn't take alot for me to be hooked. I just don't want to lose my good grades and my focus on my SATS over a boy. I like the fact that Brody and I can go two days without communicating. Actually, maybe that's not a good thing. I don't know . I'm confused.

Nothing But A Catholic School Girl

I love my school.
I have never ever risen from my bed, dreading another day of learning at my close-knit environment. It's really nice. I've gotten loads and loads of assignments to do... and my English teacher frightens me. Honestly. She gave us an essay test on the second day of school based on our summer reading. Talk about the WORST essay I have ever written. With books taken up the night before and having only twenty-five minutes to write, how can you write a decent piece? No matter, really. I have to get use to her, after all I am stuck with her all year.
Joy to my world?
She's an evil ex-nun lady. Yes, ex- nun. She had shut me down the other day. My face was burning and I was somewhat abashed, on the verge of tears. Anyway, the rest of my teachers are fairly nice. There's a nine page research paper coming up next week(yes, train wreck in my life.) and I'm feeling a little bit of college pressure and SAT's. I just cannot believe that I'm a junior- an upperclassmen. I've had cheerleading practice all week and I have gotten closer with my girls at school- Melanie 'Mel' Lane, Evan Parlato, and Savanna Chambers. Sadly, our girl Alexis Starr Love ( I just ADORE her name) left us to homeschooling. We miss her very much. It's actually not that strange that Lexi Love isn't with the school any longer. She was beginning to drift away to the "crowd" if you know what I mean. I really wish I was placed on the football squad instead of basketball. I would been cheering tonight at the scrimmage. I'm dying to know the score. Man, I love football. My Friday Night Lights.

Tonight has been terribly boring for me. I have no idea what my friends were doing... I am totally planless. I have misplaced my gym membership card and I'm angry. I still got to go in though. I'm so thankful for the gym. Gosh, I felt so gross. My body isn't use to not exercising everyday. Dang, I've got gymorexia. I'm convinced that school makes me gain weight. I do a whole lot of excess snacking while I'm studying and with four to six hours of sleep, I get super lazy. I am looking forward to next week. Field day, cheer big sister breakfast,(both on the same day. Friday. No classes) and more cheerleading physical training.

I hate having no weekend plans. I have to prepare for evil ex-nun lady's next essay test anyway. :/Brody had to cancel our lunch and mall concert date, because he is a leader for a spiritual retreat till Tuesday afternoon. I'm disappointed that I don't get to see him, but I am THRILLED that Brody is on fire with his faith and is willing to help younger kids serve the Lord in a powerful way. That is so admiring. I did a bit of facebook stalking on his page and found out that that really gorgeous blonde girl he hung out with not too long ago ,is with him on the retreat. For some odd reason, I felt a twinge of jealousy, totally hating on her golden blonde hair and bold, glittery, brown eyes. GRR....

He won't be back till Tuesday, but he will have his phone with him. I text Brody Kanye West lyrics every morning before school, just to brighten up his day. :) He loves Kanye. I used a really clever one the first time and it was perfectfor the time of day too: "Wake up Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh Mr. by-his-self-he-so-impressed. Good morning hustlers, that's if you're still livin' get on down. Goodmoring. :D. He liked this one alot, and the second one I sent as well, but then he said that it was a waste of time for me to look up lyrics. "You gotta know the words." He had said. I'm a Kanye fan, but not that big of a fan. I don't know, sometimes the little things that I do for Brody just to be cute, he doesn't really feel as if he needs it. As in, he thinks he will burden me. But I think Brody appreciates it all the same. The boy doesn't understand that I have no trouble treating him. He even doesn't want me to pay for lunch, but I insisted. After all the crap I've said to him and causing our dating relationship more trouble, I've got to show that I honestly do feel for him. I want us to be love drunk for sure.
I'm exhausted.My summer late nights have ended dramatically. I retreat early.
Night.
:)
Oh, and before I forget, I will add new songs on here. I'm switching alot of them.Here are the following I will add:
-Red Light by David Nail(I normally don't like country, but wow this song is lovely. This is on my "for sleep"playlist.)
-Dreaming of You by Selena Quintanilla Perez(beautiful. on sleep playlist)
-I Want You-Janita
-Disappear-Beyonce(sleep playlist)
-"Human Nature-Michael Jackson (sleep playlist)
-Successful- Drake
-Homecoming-Kanye West
-Heaven by John Legend
-Sweet and Low by Augustana
-Such a State- By Edison Glass
-Sunday Morning-Maroon 5
-I Gotta Feelin'-Black Eyed Peas
-In the Rough- Anna Nalick(sleep playlist)
-Fall for you-Secondhand Serenade(My love. Also on "for sleep" playlist)
-Sound Of White-Missy Higgins(sleep playlist)
Keeping, "Clarity" , "Day N' Nite" (my summer songs)and "Best I Ever Had."

You know, I think I've changed this summer. I grew up... just a little.

Current Events

Wednesday Night: Beyond Confusion
It was midnight when my phone rang. I was pacing around in my room, clad in my favorite yellow hoodie while clutching onto my teddy bear. I could scarcely breath- I was about to make a mistake. I prayed very hard for my heart to say the right things. I was trying very hard to trust the Lord to help me through the situation. I ended saying the wrong things and ended something that had the potential of becoming amazing and beautiful. Why? Because I was on the border of 'beyond confusion' and I wasn't even listening to God in the first place.I told Brody that I didn't want to date him anymore and that I just wanted soley for us to be friends. His voice reached a tone he has never used on me before... he was angry. "So, you're saying that we can't make this work?!"The call lasted for two miuntes and six seconds. I called Stephanie Callahan afterwards and laughed and chatted with her for an hour to keep my mind off Brody.
I went to bed feeling funny.

Thursday Night: Let's fix us.
I woke up the next moring feeling worse. I talked to Jessica and she told me to pray.And at the middle of the day, I texted Stephanie: Dear God... I think I made a mistake. If the Lord wanted me to end romantic terms with Brody, why was I feeling so terrible as if I really broke up with him? Beyond Confusion. Stephanie told me to think about what I wanted with Brody, then give him a call the next day. My heart was still hurting. That piece of advice just wasn't enough. The good feeling I felt after talking to Stephanie soon wore off when I began thinking about Brody's cute face.I contacted one of Brody's best friends, Stephanie Garcia. (She's close to me as well. ) She told me that couldn't talk to me at the moment because she was getting ready for Brody and their friends to come over.
My heart leapt. I was desperate for more advice. A few hours later, (and also talking to another friend)Stephanie Garcia called me. "What's wrong, Rose is it Brody? Yeah, he told me that you two aren't talking anymore! He was with the guys so he tried to act like he didn't care, but he does because, I looked at his face and he looked really confused. He said it was out of nowhere." After talking, I finally sent a Brody text. I couldn't call him. For one thing, the boy makes me say nonsense because, I'm so dang nervous around him and two, he was out and my friend Sarah had informed me that I should contact him as soon as possible. I shouldn't wait till tomorrow.
August 6,2009 10:53 PM.
I think I made a mistake last night and I can't get it out of my head. All that stuff I said last night was not right.I was just really confused and I'm so sorry. I honestly do like you and I want us to start over.
I sent the message and literally tossed my phone on my bed and raced out of my room. When I heard my phone go off, my heart was thumping against my chest. This mix-up made me realize how much I really do feel for Brody.
11:02pm
It's okay. You made a mistake and you learned from it, it's cool. =).
11:06pm
:) okay. So we're okay?
11:07pm
Ya it's fine. =)
Then after that, we just exchanged smilies. This is what I admire about Brody- he is very forgiving. He's so nice to me, my readers. I don't deserve him. I'm always saying crap and he still likes me. I can honestly see Jesus in his eyes, especially when he speaks to me. He has this soft expression... it's precious.

Friday Night: OH DEAR GOD...

I was really looking forward to this night. There was going to be The Atlanta Falcons Scrimmage at my old boyfriend's school. I love football and my sister were very excited. I was having a great day being out and enjoying the sun. When the time came for my sister and I to head over to the school, we had a little fear of bumping into my old boyfriend, Chris Angel. My sister harassed him on facebook after are very bad break-up. I haven't seen him since last October and in all honesty, I just didn't want to see him. Talk about a painful encounter. Anyway, the scrimmage was all fun and games. I made a new friend and Stephanie Garcia's cousin, Karen had joined me and my sister. We snapped shots of the totally hot quaterback, Matt Ryan and had a great time. Just about thirty miuntes left of the scrimmage, me, my sister, and Karen finally found decent spots on the bleachers. It was blazing hot and crowded. And to my slight shock, there was Chris Angel's father, sitting inches away from us. I turned back around and bit down my lip. No sign of Chris.

Good.

Twenty mintues passed. A decent amount of guys approach our side of the bleachers. The leader, I immediately recognized. It was Stephanie Callahan's boyfriend, Elton and... oh my God. I froze.

There right behind Elton was his gorgeous, well built, brown haired bestfriend. Samir.

OH HGCYTGUIOIKTD&^UIOL?!!! DEAR LORD.

I was still wearing my sun shades, but Samir glanced at me and I knew he was getting a little questionable on who I was.My heart was literally pounding. Samir and his friends sat right next to us. I could not believe it. Not wanting to stir up anything, I fumbled through my bag and sent a text to my sister who was sitting right behind me with Karen. I turned to her and when she read the text, she swore aloud and looked at me increduously, speaking in a low, urgent, voice. "WHAT?! SAMIR?!" How is this possible?! Out of all the seats... oh my God. This is definitely like The Hills." You know it's ironic? We went to the doctor's and saw his football recogniciton in a magazine and then we passed by his school on the way here!" I vowed to keep my shades on, but Samir knew it was me. I took them off.He kept glancing over. I couldn't watch the scrimmage and I knew he couldn't either. This was definitely a scene from The Hills. Friday night was definitely the worst awkward encounter I have ever had. My sister and Karen told me that I should just say hi and get it over with. My sister suggested a text. I contacted Elton's girlfriend first and she was not at all shocked. "They knew you were going to be there, Rose. Just say hi to them! Don't be a wus. Elton is asking if you're wearing a stripped shirt." Siging in defeat, I sent a Samir a text. Omg are you at the Falcon's Scrimmage?! I'm sitting right near you, wearing a stripped shirt.

I selected the 'send' button and I watched Samir take out his phone. He looked at the message and MOVED SEATS.

What. A. Jerk.

His friend moved along with him and I got up and greeted Elton. He greeted me warmly with a hug. "You didn' say hi to Samir?" He asked, questionably. I smiled. My sister and Karen got up from their seats too. "Oh my gosh, Rose I feel really awkward for you." My sister said with a pained expression. "What a jerk. He knows its you. Really obvious now." I sighed and I looked at him. Man. He was beautiful. I looked at my girls. "I'm going. Please come with me though, this is too much." But they immediately ditched me and I was left by myself. "Hey Samir!" I called. He turned. "Hey, what's up?" He checked me out and gave me a hug. He wasn't smiling nor looking me in the eye. "Nothing," I repiled, shyly hoping I wasn't looking too disgusting. He nodded."Nothing?" Samir looked at his phone and in an innocent tone he noted,"Oh you texted me."
Wow, jerk you think I'm an idoit? I SAW you taking out your phone and reading message AS SOON AS I had sent it. "Yeah!" I laughed. Then, Samir nodded and turned his back on me.

Jerk. Jerk. He's still mad and upset about me choosing Brody over him. He had messaged me on facebook, "jokingly accusing" me of not wanting to speak with him anymore and he just kept burning me over and over on the littlest things. Samir even had the audacity to say,"So, how's it goin with your man?" I know his feelings are hurt, but I don't think it's fair to me, if he acts like a jerk and try to make me feel terrible for my decision. I was being honest. "He's just mad at you and jealous of Brody, Rose." My sister had said. But you know what? He needs to get over himself, really. Just because you're hot football player, doesn't mean you get what you want. Samir's just the typical hotshot jock. He's not use to a lot of girls turning him down." Sometimes, the whole "honesty is the best policy thing" doesn't treat others very well. After my painfully awkward greeting with Samir, Elton had sensed the tension and gave me company. My sister and Karen were busy gawking at Matt Ryan, fighting their way to get his autograph. When the autograph signing was over, there were fireworks and sweet commotion. When the whole event was over, Samir kept his eye on me. My sister had noticed that. I just could not believe we bumped into him. The encouter was very terrible. I am so glad I didn't bump into Chris on top of that. Chris wrote on my wall on facebook that night, asking if I were at the game.

Gosh, never again. Seriously. Bumping into Samir at the gym would of been less severe... he had even watched me leave.

Dear Lord...

Now: Summer's End

I have Cheerleading practice all week( so demanding. ruined ALL of my plans yesterday.) Orientation is on Tuesday, and then classes start on Wednesday. JUNIOR YEAR, AW MAN HERE WE GO.

I'm enjoying my last late nights and freedom. I'm going to the park for icecream tomorrow and dance in the sun. Summer's goregous. I don't want her to leave me.

My Summer '09 Music Playlist

1) Day N' Nite-Kid Cudi

2)Starstrukk-30h3

3)Boom Boom Pow-Black Eyed Peas

4) Best I Ever Had-Drake

5)Successful-Drake

6)Clarity-John Mayer

7) In Your Bedroom-Cash Cash

8)The Birds- The Starting Line

9)Fire Burning On the Dance Floor-Sean Kingston

10)Seventeen-Metro Station

11)American Boy-Estelle feat. Kanye West

12) Ego-Beyonce ft. Kanye West

13) All Michael Jackson songs :)

14) The Fray's new abulm

15) More but I can't think of them.

Update Friday night! I've got a date with Brody Saturday. I'm excited. I think I may kiss him... :) and hold his hand just to know that I WILL be his girl.