Radical

Today, I was feeling irritated and angry.

My mother is a micro manager and as usual, I was having difficulty keeping my snappiness to an appropriate level as well as  letting stress take over my lack of organizational skills. I was no happy camper today.

As I was driving home from the gym with aching abs and arms, I reflected on something deep, troubling, and moving. I pondering on how as Christians, we must display a lifestyle that will allow a nonbeliever to stop in their tracks and squeal, " Am I missing out?". Some of my peers call me a radical Catholic. Perhaps, by societal standards. But if accepting someone for who they are and firmly believing the Almighty God is forever merciful, no matter what we do, than I am darn right radical.

  The origin of Christianity comes from the purest form of  love.

Let's act like where we came from. 

I witness Christians embezzling, raping, abandoning, using others, murdering, and abusing God's greatest creation- people.  WHAT are we doing out here? The world is a beautiful tragedy, but in order to fulfill God's will, we have to look into ourselves in the mirror and question  whether or not we are truly soaking up the Gospel or are we soaking up own earthly(and temporary) standards. Perfection is unattainable, but you do not have to be perfect to know how to accept and treat others with the Golden Rule. I am exhausted from the disgusting hate, revenge, and hurtfulness that I read and witness from my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am famished to see us work harder for kindness and truly understand where we come from. God is so good. We can make this change because frankly, there is no other choice that will save your soul. As you lay down to sleep at night, pray that Christians around the world accept others and truly display The crown of Christianity.

Flawful

They say wisdom comes with age...
I say age comes  with confidence. My heart aches for my highschool soul. It was damaged, wilted, broken, and scarred. Wrecked with emotion, bad guys, and low self-esteem, I allowed myself to swim in the gutter. Now at 21, I take my flaws one by one, not by the pinch of my finger, but as a handful. I bare no shame that yes, my heart is painfully sensitive, my demeanor can turn sour, and that room is persistently decorated in a large, beautiful mess.
Flawful.
I dream big because I want it all, but give me a map and  I'm  dashed away in circles. Whirlpools.. drowning. I have to plan slow, need to plan smart. After all, God has the final say so.
Flawful
 I am hasty to trust, but I close the door behind me when I feel betrayed, Grudges are not in my cup of tea, however no one ever wants to reminisce on the bitter aftertaste. Yes, people deserve second chances, yet some healed scars  can never vanish. I block, I ignore, I move on... quickly.
Flawful.
Leave it me to obsess over the latest workouts, hair, and makeup. Looking my best is apart of my self-test but I lose control.
Despite all of my blemishes, makeup will never cover up who I am as a woman. I am royalty in the eyes of Jesus. He sees something in me that no one else can. Don't mind me. My flaws are apart of the personal testimony.
"I woke up like this."-Beyonce

Whirlpool

New year fetches new company- good and bad. As I am strolling along this month, gearing into school mode,  I watch my surroundings. Peering within them and soaking up every ounce of it. 

I have observed a lot of sorrow this month. From long term relationships, to deaths, bonds are breaking. I am not discouraged. I believe God's voice is translated into stories that make up our personal lives. Everything truly does happen for a reason, and it happens in a certain season. Life is a beautiful gift. This is the year when I graduate from college. As I prepare myself spiritually and emotionally for this new journey, I know what God has in store for me is good. I am not afraid of challenges. Strive to grow from difficult times. That's when we know how strong we are. Life can be a whirlpool but when we hang onto our faith and our loved ones, we cannot drown. Adorn yourself with positive vibes.  We hear, "Life is far too short," on the daily, but do we really drink up this words and let them travel to our soul? What good does it do for us to wallow in what we do not have instead of what we can achieve for? The only contest I signed up for is to become the best version of "Me." And I'm the only contestant. I am filled with joy knowing with patience and support, my life is mine. How freeing it is to not give the slightest inkling of what others think! 

Love Letters Part 2

When you fall in love, heartbeats become telepathy and conversations recites diaries. 

I watch you. The way you speak to me vibrates in my soul, like violin strings-vibrato. Pulsating affection only the soul can yearn for. Trampled in a daze we were sitting in a restaurant with dimmed lights and hushed happiness. I felt your eyes on me, but I could hear the sparkle in your smile when you whispered, "I love you." The emotions that you declared to me set my heart on fire. So delicate that only God will know. You are perfect to me. Everything about you is authored by the Heavenly Father. Your kindness, your hilarity, your mind are my daily doses of inspiration and clarity. I am mesmerized into a fantasy of you. 

4 years ago.

I dialed your number and knew you were mine, and I was yours. Strong, handsome, sweet you. On New Years Day, we sat across from each other. Instantaneously I praised, I see Jesus in your eyes. And you caught me by surprise, smiling through my tears. At times, I cannot stand it when you reprimand me. Still, I cling onto your every word. In the heat of the moment, sass can reek from my tongue, but I silently honor your name.

You.

Mighty you. Funny you. Your dreams are pieces of my very own. Two become one, pieces to puzzle.The way your face glows when you crack a joke, head bobbing to the music that blares in your car, I watch as you move and I see something in you. I have witnessed every emotion that has escaped from your soul.  Every triumph and very struggle, I'm in this. With you.

Your body. My eyes draw to the strength of your back. Engraved with muscles and full of strength. Your lips, your lips, your laugh... better than the sweetest ice cream sundae, I melt into you. I am not ashamed to say that I need you, because I do. I belong to you. Time has withered into breathless intimacy, something that has literally transformed every inkling of our being. I am in love with the way you sleep. The peace that emulates from your soul is contagious.  Every second you are on my mind. You drive me crazy immensely, but I am in love with how you delved into my life like a miracle. I treasure the goodness that is sewed into your heart. It is a garden- so beautiful that nothing dark, tainted, or sorrowful could  ever obliterate it. You bare the cape of superman and I am blinded in awe by the man that you are.

Cleanse

                          

My Soul Cleansers for 2015

1. Strengthen my relationship with God. Sleepy prayers are not good enough. There are days when I feel so far. But who moved? Me. I need sit down at His feet, pour my heart over His word and allow it to wreck my soul. I need a wakeup call.

2. Publish my first book. A dream that will finally transform entire world

3. Obtain the abdominal I desire. By tweaking my diet a bit further and continuing my hard work in the gym, I know I will accomplish this goal. Our bodies are temples from God. I want to achieve my highest form of health.

4.Stop fearing the "What are your post graduation plans?" and reply with confidence that the unknown is bound to happen.

5.Detox from negative thoughts daily. Write them down and toss them into the trash can.

6. Win my dream title. Details to come.

7. Never neglect this blog.

Happy 2015.

Toxins

Crazy, cruel life. Blinded by tears mylife instantaneously   warped into a nightmare that wrecked the inner linings of my delicate soul. Nearly, suicide was dragging one of my closet family member into its web. I couldn't believe it when my best friend told me that grasping onto a bottle of pills would aile her stress and mend her deep wounds. No! I cry, weeping and hanging onto my best friends for dear life. I was on spring break then. I have never been so thankful for my loved ones who took care of me and my family member during this incredibly dark time of our lives. I've never felt so heartbroken, but I cannot imagine what my best friend is battling. 

This year has been a struggle for my family financially. My dad moved out of the  country a few years ago to launch his dream career. Initially, it was extremely difficult accepting the changes my family and I to endure for the longest time. There were moments when I could not even afford to go out with my friends because the money that I was making did not suffice for the week. My mother lost her job last summer so we are all dependent on my father. There is beauty in a struggle. Now, my dad's dream has begun. 

I've lost friends who were enemies in disguise. Opportunities arrived, grew, and shattered. I was convinced that I was developing an emotional disorder from the stress I was experiencing from school and home. I couldn't bare it. I felt emotions that rattled my bones. I try to forget about them like yesterday's news, but as a writer, when is that ever possible? 

I am not writing this post to complain about my year. Infact, I have many sweet treasures that I will never forget that happenedto me this year . I have a dear friend who generously made my dream come true by raising funds for me- all of them to compete in a big state pageant that I have always dreamt of. My favorite professor  in the world encouraged me to become a published author, a wild desire that I can never tame.  And, whenever someone asks me what my post grad plans are I get to whisper with a smile... "New city, new me. Possibly. Wait and see."

Merry Christmas

.Merry Christmas, world.

It's been such a fantastic break. I am thoroughly filled with joy on how God has blessed me with such sweet memories this Christmas season. I am savoring every second I have to explore different arenas in my life to prepare myself for the new year. As the sun rises and falls, I catch a glimpse of my 2014. 

My darkest year. Tomorrow, I will reveal the undergarments of my soul