Another night alone

Rose Valentine is such a lonely girl.
I'm feeling quite miserable right now. I haven't got any major plans for the New Year. Of course there are parties out there, but guess who never gets invited? My friends are either going to parties, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. I'm feeling so friendless and lonely right now. Why hasn't anyone invited me? I can't believe I'm celebrating the New Year just at Maggiano's Little Italy with my family, then go back to sulking in my room.
Awful.
I had a g.n.o last night and it was fantastic. My girls and I talked about how we wished that we got invited to fun parties. Our school is small and private, so everyone belongs in their own little clique. If you really wanted to be the center of attention- well you can't just be the good angels. That's obvious.
I refuse to take a sip of alcohol, run any bases with a guy, or grind. I think that is the reason why people don't invite me. Several times, I've been asked if I were considering to become a nun. "Oh Sister, Rose." Oh, for heaven's sake, of course not! I most certainly don't look like a nun. I love mini-skirts, I wear a bit more makeup then I should, and I wear ripped jeans! (Well, if their appropriate of course. Some mini-skirts are much too "mini.") I just have the desire to be good and be an angel in Christ. It's amazing how people don't understand that.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll find somewhere to go. I wish I had more invites.
Or excuse me, invites. I hardly get any. I hear about the parties all the time but the same people get invited. And of course, we mingle with the local schools which must be a blast, because meeting new people is always nice. I know tons of kids outside of my school it's just that I don't talk to them often. I guess I'm not that much fun to be around with. I don't know why, but tonight I just wish some stupid boy would just take me out. You know, someone who would like to see me and open the New Year together. I would have an excuse to get all dolled up in a pretty sparkly dress. Gosh, I shouldn't of watched the Notebook again. Stupid Rose. :)
This is my first New Year's without a dress. There was always a family party somewhere but this year, family activities have fallen out.

Happy New Year! I definitely hope that your night is much better than mine. Seriously.
I believe that each and every year, God brings everyone really big and happy surprises. I wonder what my surprise would be?

New Year's Bash

Why is it so difficult to achieve New Year's resolutions?
It's so easy for the human mind to drift and wander. Motivation gets lost. We've got to fight the temptation to lose. Imagine how much happier the new year would be. Just close your eyes and see yourself smile.
I have my resolutions placed in three categories. Categorizing them on the computer makes my resolutions appear less intimidating and challenging. I know I will conquer them, because I believe it in my heart. Their not unrealistic, either-they're my dreams. Every single one of them.
This year I've learned that love is not what my heart desires the most. In fact, relationships frighten me. The heart can really hurt, you know. Really hurt. It will still beat, but with bruised beats and that is where the pain comes from. And that is what scares me- a beating bruised heart. You can't take pills to make the pain vanish. You have to use the invisible bandages like God's love to save you. The simplest things like, lyrics to a song or even a photograph can hypnotize you into sick. I am caught in some sort of "Forbidden Romance" and it's scaring me and puzzling my mind.
"You have feelings for me?"
"I do, I can't explain, but I really do. You're my girl, Rose and you always will be."
Long story and I'm most definitely saving it for another post. Love is not worth my time or my heart.
Dreams seem more promising.

Dreams can vanish very quickly, very fast. One accident can ruin everything. Just one. Dreams are fragile. You have to have an open heart, a clear mind, and an optimistic look to achieve them. Not everything goes as planned. But with God on your side and Jesus holding your hand, there is no defeat. With them two, you will have the ball in your hands and make the touchdown, the goal, the hoop...
And then you'll do a little dance. :)
I have learned quite a lot this past year. It's been lovely, stressful, and wow talk about major explosions. From academics to everything else, some point throughout the year, things were breaking apart. Balancing school and cheer was a major challenge, dating a jerk for six months was disgusting, and friends? Dear Lord. The Homecoming drama and breaking into pairs and (gossiping about each other within those pairs) was just absolutely immature and utterly ridiculous. My girls and I were definitely bringing out the claws to the point we were all screaming all at once, "PLEASE. Can we tame ourselves?!" I will never understand how girls and women can be so nasty and harsh to each other. I remember telling my father about this and he was right, we were going through a phase. Friends drift apart all the time. Anyway, 2010 is fast approaching and I've got big plans for this blog.

The Truce-
I, Rosalina Nastassia Valentine swear on my heart that I will give myself one rockin' new year. :)
The Goals:
Academic

• More a's. I have way too many b's.
• Focus more. Everyday is National Nerd Day.

Cheerleading

• Sign up for tumbling classes and get backhandspring. C'MON LET'S GO.
• Higher and better jumps
• Tryout for competition. (Let's not repeat last year's disaster, now shall we? Oh my gosh no.)

Modeling

• More photoshoots. Send to magazines.Finish portfolio
• Sign up for an agency.
• Sign up for contests

2010! It's going to be a bash!
What to look forward to:
-License
-SAT.(HA. I'm totally joking. I'm quite nervous. I want to get into a good college)
-Lucky 17 photoshoot with the beautiful Emily White and the stunning Alexis Johnson. My friends. :)
-Lucky 17 birthday bash or sophisticated dinner. I'm trying to decide.
-My first prom!!(found some lovely dresses already!)
-Hopefully more to come!

&& the most important... the number one.
Getting closer to Christ.

Its not yet over

Merry Christmas! I hope your holiday was lovely!

I went to church at midnight on Christmas Eve with my family and then we arrived home around one in the morning and opened gifts. Yes, Catholics are crazy. :) I got a nice set of earrings, a very pretty wallet, bedroom slippers, earphones, itunes card, Burberry scarf, the best room spray ever,a dress, and other miscellaneous things.

Anyway, it's still Christmas and I've refused to stop listening to Christmas carols and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. Twelve days of Christmas, remember? Although, I am thoroughly excited for the New Year. I don't have any plans yet(unfortunately. I have no idea what I am to do) but I'm most definitely going out. I'm going to the mall on Tuesday to buy a sparkly dress for the occasion. I have so many plans for the new year. 2009 was not a year I could look back with a smile, but I will say that this was the year when I finally did some growing up and things just blew up in my face. These are thoughts I would love to share with you, my readers. Expect a post on the eve.

Right now, I must go and ready myself for evening Church. And my favorite football team is playing. Go Falcons!

A Holiday Cheer

Some pictures from the photoshoot. :) By Rasul. I love these pictures, but with the camera there is always something I'm not satisfied with- my eyebrows. I get them done and I'm never satisfied. My eyebrows are just naturally ugly and I think it ruins the pictures. Rasul is an amazing photographer, and because of him I have the confidence to become a photo model. :)

You don't need a mistletoe

You don't need a significant other to enjoy Christmas.
All you need is your family and your church- to celebrate the birthday of Christ together. This year, I don't want Santa to bring me Troy.
Who is Troy?
Many of you should remember Troy from last Christmas time. Enter the name,"Troy" on here and read the December post. In ten days, he would be missing for one year.
And counting?
This year, I want Santa to bring me my dreams. Every single one of them. God has got that covered though. :) Time will tell. So, I guess this Christmas season I really don't know what I want this season. I'm excited for the new year as well. I have so many plans for 2010. 2009 was not a great year for me at all. I learned some pretty harsh lessons that I will discuss on here in due time.
I have learned so many things. Many of them in a painful way.
Especially love. Seriously, forget that. My mom always tells me that I should focus on making something out of myself and then focus on love when I have my career going and everything. I can honestly see myself being single for a long time. I just don't care about being a relationship. I don't need it. They always hurt me and the disappointment is just not worth it. I want my dreams. All of them.
All at once.
That's all I want.

Christmas Joy

I am feeling so happy.
It's incredible.
My first photoshoot went extremely well today. I'm going to be one of Rasul's models for his business AND he's sending my photos to his father's modeling agency in New York. I couldn't believe it. He told me that I have the potential to be a model and he wants me to try it. My goodness, me? Rose Valentine? Modeling in New York? 2010 is going to be so amazing! I cannot wait to see the pictures. Rasul is posting them on facebook tomorrow evening. He's so sweet and gosh, what a beautiful talent he has.
I love my daddy. He spoils me. :) He's going to throw me a big bash for my seventeenth birthday(Febuary), and he's signing me up for tumbling lessons. Finally, I can go onto competition cheerleading.
And finally the license in January(finally... dear Lord) and a car later.
Oh, and did I mention that I making my blog into a book? :)
It's quite possible. I'm picking fifty posts and I'm going to send them in into a writing company.
Help me choose?
Man. I love Christmas time.
Justin Beiber lives ten minutes away from me. Yes... he does. And, he applied to the private school that I go to, but he's obviously not planning to attend anymore. SO. WEIRD. I'm really not a fan of him. Ha.
By the way, I saw Brody last night. ( Broke up a month ago, haven't seen each other in two.)He wasn't happy to see me. I greeted him with a cheerful hello and he didn't smile back or speak. He just gave me a quick wave. Our basketball teams were playing against each other. I was cheering and he was playing. His team won. Brody's school is filthy rich and gorgeous and famous people's kids have gone to that school. I honestly did not want to be there last night. I was so distracted, because we were so close. I cheered my absolute worst. My coach yelled at me.
But you know...who cares? Just a boy, honestly.
I have a lot to look forward to, and I praise God for that. I really, really, wish I could of gone to that gig tonight with Mel. Oh well. Lonely Saturday nights are about to change when those car keys start shakin' in my pocket. :)

Christmas Wish

"When you look out the window, what do you see?"

Pain.

"No, no... what do you see? The lovely trees, the birds... the snow looks mighty fine today."

I see pain.

The therapist was getting very impatient. Getting a grip on his clipboard, he pursed his lips and looked at his patient with flaring eyes. The doctor didn't have time for silly games.

"Okay... fine. Show me."

The boy turned and looked at him with watery eyes. Slowly but surely, the teenaged boy unrolled his sleeves and revealed fresh cuts and scares that were decorated all over his wrists. The cuts and scars were shaped like hearts, each hurt had a lighting bolt shaped going down the middle. The therapist was getting very apprehensive. " Uh, have you anymore? he asked, in a strained voice. The teenaged boy shook his head. He got up from the sofa and walked towards the window they were looking at just moments ago.

"Whenever I look outside, I see broken hearts everywhere I go. I can't stand it. I can't stand seeing pain- I just want to feel it myself so that person doesn't have to feel pain at all. I want to take that pain away. You see that yellow house down the street- you know, the one with the red car? There's a couple in there who just lost their only daughter in a car wreck. Their daughter was being beaten by her bestfriend and they crashed into a brick wall. And you know the house next to that house? The brown one, on your left-well, there's a guy who lives there and he's really lonely. He cheated on his wife-he had been for over two years. He tried to shoot himself when his wife found out, but the wife took the gun from his hand and shot herself. Sometimes I go over there to help him weed his garden or whatever. He's invited me a couple times for dinner and he helps me with my trig homework. It's painful to be lonely-don't you think?

The teenaged boy took a deep, shuddering breath. He didn't dare look at the therapist who was his blank stare. The boy could feel the stare piercing his back. "Go on." the therapist spoke quietly. The boy nodded, still gazing out into the window. "Well, you know that house across from me? The really big white one? Looks like a castle, doesn't it? A girl lives there- a really beautiful girl. The boy began to shook. Tears were trailing down his cheeks. The therapist still hung back. She's so pretty that whenever I get mad at her, I can't yell at her. She's just like my mom and that's why I love her. I gave her everything, mister.Everything any girl could dream of. You see, my parents are very rich so I showered that girl with gifts from Tiffany to Ralph Lauren. I took her to Paris for her birthday and kissed her under fireworks. I gave her everything-even my body. My body which she used, tore apart, and took. She never really wanted to love me. She just wanted to know what "it" felt like so she could brag to her friends that she is no longer a virgin.

"Was that all you liked, her prettiness?"

The boy was stung by this. He tossed the therapist a very nasty look and turned to the window. "No, he repiled, shortly. I loved everything about her. He looked up at the man with tear filled eyes. "You see my Christmas tree over there? It's pretty isn't it?" The therapist turned around and noticed the tree. The Christmas tree was breath takenly gorgeous-the lights were blinding, and the ornaments bore such heavenly glow, that the man- for a split moment thought the ornaments were diamonds. He squinted and craned his neck to take a better look at the ornaments. He was stunned. The boy noticed the therapist's reaction. "It's nice isn't? He whispered, making his way to the trees. He picked up a diamond that was hanging loosely from the leaves and pocketed it. "I add a new diamond everyday, just for her. This tree is for her."

The therapist had much difficulty feeling comfortable. He desperately wanted to leave and just prescribe the boy depression pills. But something deep inside his heart was nagging him-telling him to wait just a little bit longer. Maybe he will hear something. The therapist watched the boy play with the diamond.

"What's the girl's name?"

"Pain, the boy replied,immediately. "Broken. Like the world, you see? You see out there, mister? You see all that pain I was pointing out to you earlier?" The therapist frowned. "Yes, but-"

"No. Let me finish." The boy resorted back to the window. His tear dried face was now flushed with profound anger. His hands were clenched into fists. I just can't take this anymore. I just want everyone to be happy. That's all I want. Someone's heart breaks every forty-five seconds. I want to stop that."

The therapist dared to laugh. "What?! He snarled. That is not possible, for the world to be happy! Get it out of your head, boy."

"No, I can't get it out of my head. I want to. I really, really, do. But my heart loves so much that it explodes. All I want for Christmas are mended hearts. For everyone... even you." The boy turned to face him. His expression blank. "I see you, mister. In my sleep. I see how much you're suffering." The therapist was turning pink with embarrassment. "Shut up. Just shut right now, boy." He shook his finger at him with fury. "You are crazy, insane. I ought to send you to the asylum." The boy advanced on him. They were now face-to-face.

"Then go ahead- take me. the boychallenged, harshly. I'm sure I'll see more broken hearts I ought to fix. That's what I'm doing for Christmas, mister. I'm going to mend every broken heart in the world."

Even my own.

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed my Christmas tale. I personally don't like it.. I had some really lovely ideas and they all got lost in my studies and in my sleep. Lol. Look at the story closely. Guess the moral. I want to know how you feel.

Glowing Angels

Look at this gorgeous girl, my loves. She's glowing.

She's literally glowing.

Whenever I see people smile or laugh, I immediately spot a "heavenly glow" on their face. I think smiling looks very pretty on everyone. After all, as God's children we are also his angels. I have a lot of angels in my life and they're all just gorgeous and wonderful. When I picture an angel, I see white wings, flawless faces, and glitter. What do you see,my loves? I see an angel in every single person and despite sins and wrongdoings, we are all humans with goodness in our hearts. Even in the most grimmest of faces, there's charm in there somewhere. Look into the mirror, my readers and smile. I adore the bright faces of laughing children and babies. Don't those cute little things just glow? Oh how I adore the sound of a child's laughter. That's what my mother likes as well- the sound of laughter.

Laughter.

I laugh a lot-naturally. Despite my difficulties I still manage to laugh. My mother really isn't well, and I'm trying to not to worry myself sick. Instead, I pray and pray and pray and allow my friends to make me feel happy and smile. I DO hope my mother gets better soon. She gave me such a terrible fright the another night.

I'm feeling quite alright. I think it's because I have some things to look forward to this coming weekend. Isn't it nice to have things to look forward to?

A friend of mine lifted up my hopes today. I am so excited for the adventures my friend and I are going to have with all-star cheerleading-trying to get in at least. Ha. I'm beginning to focus more and more on my dreams each and everyday. I want become lawyer and a psychologist Rodeo Drive motivates me the most.

Evil-ex nun lady made me smile today. She told me that inspire her.

My friend Valerie asked me if I wanted to become a nun at cheerleading practice yesterday. At first, I responded with a somewhat resentful tone, because I've been asked that many times. But Valerie's question was innocent, so I soon began to laugh.

Ialso have my very first photoshoot on Sunday. I'm thinking of becoming a model for the American Cheerleader magazine.(Each and everyday, I'm getting inspired and motivated to do different things and reach for my dreams. I am beginning to focus more on Christ and my dreams.) My photographer/model is called, Rasul- the hot guy from downtown. He's actually my friend's ex and he had sent me a friend request on facebook over the summer. Have I mentioned that he has the most beautiful skin complexion I have ever seen? Rasul's skin reminds me of caramel- He's positively glowing! And his smile, wow!! I look at people's smiles. I think smiles are very pretty on our faces. :)

I hear Christmas Carols, don't you?