Attached

Let's not get too close, shall we?
I get attached to people.
And I hate it.
I can almost see another disaster happening for me, I pray that I have the strength to stop myself from doing this to the next person. I don't want to hurt myself again. That wound was just too deep.
I'm very much attached to my sister, Caroline. We are thirteen months apart so we're really really close. She's my bestfriend. We are able to steal each other's clothes, makeup, ipods, etc without getting cross with each other. It's really nice. We are shopping and gym partners and we text each other too. I love her so much. She has two bestfriends, Karen and Winston and at times (I have to admit) I get jealous when she tells them secrets and stories that she hasn't told me yet. I know, I know. Ridiculous.

I finally got to see Brody Friday night. We had a really nice date. We were planning to eat out and see a movie, but time wouldn't allow it, so we watched a movie instead. District 9 was our first pick, but Brody has been"riding dirty" and forgot his id/license. He's not even seventeen yet, but he could pass for eighteen and he manges to get into R rated movies anytime. I didn't bother trying my permit, so we had no choice but to see Post Grad.(Which was BEYOND terrible.Waste of money.) Brody and I act like brother and sister rather than a "touchy-feely" couple,and I like that a whole lot. He makes me laugh so much and we're finally getting comfortable around each other. I can act anyhow without feeling stupid or embrassed like the previous dates. I really do like this boy. It's so touching how he actually wants to hear what I have to say. When the movie was about to start, he grabbed my hand and I immediately snuggled up to him and put my head on his shoulder. I love how we both have the same values-everything is just innocent. && as the movie progressed, Brody kissed my forehead. It was so sweet. I kissed him back on the cheek in response. Brody would kiss my forehead at random and just after I kissed him on the cheek, he turned his head and we melted into real kissing.
I honestly hate using the word,"making out" although it was more than a peck. But it was sweet kissing, gentle, and self-controlled , and we were still holding each other's hands. We actually kissed alot. :) It was really lovely. Although, I think( since we both had a little bit of a cough) I'm getting slightly sick. No, no, it's totally not mono. I've never gotten mono but I know it can get pretty serious. I'm feeling fine, just that my cough got slightly worse. Lucky Brody, his went away. HAHA. My friends and everyone else is waiting for us to stop dating and become official. It's been three months since we've started dating. I was actually hoping Brody would ask me to be his girl that very night after those kisses, but perhaps we are already official. We're not into anyone else but each other.
Sigh. I hate being a girl sometimes. You see all those crazy emotions I'm feeling about being kissed? Ha.
It's going to be so easy to get attached to this boy. Gosh, he makes me feel so pretty and comfortable and happy. "I haven't felt this way in such a long time..." I texted my "big sister" Stephanie Callahan. "Have you ever felt this way?" She repiled. This was something I didn't have to ponder for ages. "No, you're right Stephanie. I have never felt this way." And this is exactly what I fear.

Getting attached to this boy.

Because after kissing him "goodbye ,be safe", I realized that it didn't take alot for me to be hooked. I just don't want to lose my good grades and my focus on my SATS over a boy. I like the fact that Brody and I can go two days without communicating. Actually, maybe that's not a good thing. I don't know . I'm confused.

Nothing But A Catholic School Girl

I love my school.
I have never ever risen from my bed, dreading another day of learning at my close-knit environment. It's really nice. I've gotten loads and loads of assignments to do... and my English teacher frightens me. Honestly. She gave us an essay test on the second day of school based on our summer reading. Talk about the WORST essay I have ever written. With books taken up the night before and having only twenty-five minutes to write, how can you write a decent piece? No matter, really. I have to get use to her, after all I am stuck with her all year.
Joy to my world?
She's an evil ex-nun lady. Yes, ex- nun. She had shut me down the other day. My face was burning and I was somewhat abashed, on the verge of tears. Anyway, the rest of my teachers are fairly nice. There's a nine page research paper coming up next week(yes, train wreck in my life.) and I'm feeling a little bit of college pressure and SAT's. I just cannot believe that I'm a junior- an upperclassmen. I've had cheerleading practice all week and I have gotten closer with my girls at school- Melanie 'Mel' Lane, Evan Parlato, and Savanna Chambers. Sadly, our girl Alexis Starr Love ( I just ADORE her name) left us to homeschooling. We miss her very much. It's actually not that strange that Lexi Love isn't with the school any longer. She was beginning to drift away to the "crowd" if you know what I mean. I really wish I was placed on the football squad instead of basketball. I would been cheering tonight at the scrimmage. I'm dying to know the score. Man, I love football. My Friday Night Lights.

Tonight has been terribly boring for me. I have no idea what my friends were doing... I am totally planless. I have misplaced my gym membership card and I'm angry. I still got to go in though. I'm so thankful for the gym. Gosh, I felt so gross. My body isn't use to not exercising everyday. Dang, I've got gymorexia. I'm convinced that school makes me gain weight. I do a whole lot of excess snacking while I'm studying and with four to six hours of sleep, I get super lazy. I am looking forward to next week. Field day, cheer big sister breakfast,(both on the same day. Friday. No classes) and more cheerleading physical training.

I hate having no weekend plans. I have to prepare for evil ex-nun lady's next essay test anyway. :/Brody had to cancel our lunch and mall concert date, because he is a leader for a spiritual retreat till Tuesday afternoon. I'm disappointed that I don't get to see him, but I am THRILLED that Brody is on fire with his faith and is willing to help younger kids serve the Lord in a powerful way. That is so admiring. I did a bit of facebook stalking on his page and found out that that really gorgeous blonde girl he hung out with not too long ago ,is with him on the retreat. For some odd reason, I felt a twinge of jealousy, totally hating on her golden blonde hair and bold, glittery, brown eyes. GRR....

He won't be back till Tuesday, but he will have his phone with him. I text Brody Kanye West lyrics every morning before school, just to brighten up his day. :) He loves Kanye. I used a really clever one the first time and it was perfectfor the time of day too: "Wake up Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh Mr. by-his-self-he-so-impressed. Good morning hustlers, that's if you're still livin' get on down. Goodmoring. :D. He liked this one alot, and the second one I sent as well, but then he said that it was a waste of time for me to look up lyrics. "You gotta know the words." He had said. I'm a Kanye fan, but not that big of a fan. I don't know, sometimes the little things that I do for Brody just to be cute, he doesn't really feel as if he needs it. As in, he thinks he will burden me. But I think Brody appreciates it all the same. The boy doesn't understand that I have no trouble treating him. He even doesn't want me to pay for lunch, but I insisted. After all the crap I've said to him and causing our dating relationship more trouble, I've got to show that I honestly do feel for him. I want us to be love drunk for sure.
I'm exhausted.My summer late nights have ended dramatically. I retreat early.
Night.
:)
Oh, and before I forget, I will add new songs on here. I'm switching alot of them.Here are the following I will add:
-Red Light by David Nail(I normally don't like country, but wow this song is lovely. This is on my "for sleep"playlist.)
-Dreaming of You by Selena Quintanilla Perez(beautiful. on sleep playlist)
-I Want You-Janita
-Disappear-Beyonce(sleep playlist)
-"Human Nature-Michael Jackson (sleep playlist)
-Successful- Drake
-Homecoming-Kanye West
-Heaven by John Legend
-Sweet and Low by Augustana
-Such a State- By Edison Glass
-Sunday Morning-Maroon 5
-I Gotta Feelin'-Black Eyed Peas
-In the Rough- Anna Nalick(sleep playlist)
-Fall for you-Secondhand Serenade(My love. Also on "for sleep" playlist)
-Sound Of White-Missy Higgins(sleep playlist)
Keeping, "Clarity" , "Day N' Nite" (my summer songs)and "Best I Ever Had."

You know, I think I've changed this summer. I grew up... just a little.

Current Events

Wednesday Night: Beyond Confusion
It was midnight when my phone rang. I was pacing around in my room, clad in my favorite yellow hoodie while clutching onto my teddy bear. I could scarcely breath- I was about to make a mistake. I prayed very hard for my heart to say the right things. I was trying very hard to trust the Lord to help me through the situation. I ended saying the wrong things and ended something that had the potential of becoming amazing and beautiful. Why? Because I was on the border of 'beyond confusion' and I wasn't even listening to God in the first place.I told Brody that I didn't want to date him anymore and that I just wanted soley for us to be friends. His voice reached a tone he has never used on me before... he was angry. "So, you're saying that we can't make this work?!"The call lasted for two miuntes and six seconds. I called Stephanie Callahan afterwards and laughed and chatted with her for an hour to keep my mind off Brody.
I went to bed feeling funny.

Thursday Night: Let's fix us.
I woke up the next moring feeling worse. I talked to Jessica and she told me to pray.And at the middle of the day, I texted Stephanie: Dear God... I think I made a mistake. If the Lord wanted me to end romantic terms with Brody, why was I feeling so terrible as if I really broke up with him? Beyond Confusion. Stephanie told me to think about what I wanted with Brody, then give him a call the next day. My heart was still hurting. That piece of advice just wasn't enough. The good feeling I felt after talking to Stephanie soon wore off when I began thinking about Brody's cute face.I contacted one of Brody's best friends, Stephanie Garcia. (She's close to me as well. ) She told me that couldn't talk to me at the moment because she was getting ready for Brody and their friends to come over.
My heart leapt. I was desperate for more advice. A few hours later, (and also talking to another friend)Stephanie Garcia called me. "What's wrong, Rose is it Brody? Yeah, he told me that you two aren't talking anymore! He was with the guys so he tried to act like he didn't care, but he does because, I looked at his face and he looked really confused. He said it was out of nowhere." After talking, I finally sent a Brody text. I couldn't call him. For one thing, the boy makes me say nonsense because, I'm so dang nervous around him and two, he was out and my friend Sarah had informed me that I should contact him as soon as possible. I shouldn't wait till tomorrow.
August 6,2009 10:53 PM.
I think I made a mistake last night and I can't get it out of my head. All that stuff I said last night was not right.I was just really confused and I'm so sorry. I honestly do like you and I want us to start over.
I sent the message and literally tossed my phone on my bed and raced out of my room. When I heard my phone go off, my heart was thumping against my chest. This mix-up made me realize how much I really do feel for Brody.
11:02pm
It's okay. You made a mistake and you learned from it, it's cool. =).
11:06pm
:) okay. So we're okay?
11:07pm
Ya it's fine. =)
Then after that, we just exchanged smilies. This is what I admire about Brody- he is very forgiving. He's so nice to me, my readers. I don't deserve him. I'm always saying crap and he still likes me. I can honestly see Jesus in his eyes, especially when he speaks to me. He has this soft expression... it's precious.

Friday Night: OH DEAR GOD...

I was really looking forward to this night. There was going to be The Atlanta Falcons Scrimmage at my old boyfriend's school. I love football and my sister were very excited. I was having a great day being out and enjoying the sun. When the time came for my sister and I to head over to the school, we had a little fear of bumping into my old boyfriend, Chris Angel. My sister harassed him on facebook after are very bad break-up. I haven't seen him since last October and in all honesty, I just didn't want to see him. Talk about a painful encounter. Anyway, the scrimmage was all fun and games. I made a new friend and Stephanie Garcia's cousin, Karen had joined me and my sister. We snapped shots of the totally hot quaterback, Matt Ryan and had a great time. Just about thirty miuntes left of the scrimmage, me, my sister, and Karen finally found decent spots on the bleachers. It was blazing hot and crowded. And to my slight shock, there was Chris Angel's father, sitting inches away from us. I turned back around and bit down my lip. No sign of Chris.

Good.

Twenty mintues passed. A decent amount of guys approach our side of the bleachers. The leader, I immediately recognized. It was Stephanie Callahan's boyfriend, Elton and... oh my God. I froze.

There right behind Elton was his gorgeous, well built, brown haired bestfriend. Samir.

OH HGCYTGUIOIKTD&^UIOL?!!! DEAR LORD.

I was still wearing my sun shades, but Samir glanced at me and I knew he was getting a little questionable on who I was.My heart was literally pounding. Samir and his friends sat right next to us. I could not believe it. Not wanting to stir up anything, I fumbled through my bag and sent a text to my sister who was sitting right behind me with Karen. I turned to her and when she read the text, she swore aloud and looked at me increduously, speaking in a low, urgent, voice. "WHAT?! SAMIR?!" How is this possible?! Out of all the seats... oh my God. This is definitely like The Hills." You know it's ironic? We went to the doctor's and saw his football recogniciton in a magazine and then we passed by his school on the way here!" I vowed to keep my shades on, but Samir knew it was me. I took them off.He kept glancing over. I couldn't watch the scrimmage and I knew he couldn't either. This was definitely a scene from The Hills. Friday night was definitely the worst awkward encounter I have ever had. My sister and Karen told me that I should just say hi and get it over with. My sister suggested a text. I contacted Elton's girlfriend first and she was not at all shocked. "They knew you were going to be there, Rose. Just say hi to them! Don't be a wus. Elton is asking if you're wearing a stripped shirt." Siging in defeat, I sent a Samir a text. Omg are you at the Falcon's Scrimmage?! I'm sitting right near you, wearing a stripped shirt.

I selected the 'send' button and I watched Samir take out his phone. He looked at the message and MOVED SEATS.

What. A. Jerk.

His friend moved along with him and I got up and greeted Elton. He greeted me warmly with a hug. "You didn' say hi to Samir?" He asked, questionably. I smiled. My sister and Karen got up from their seats too. "Oh my gosh, Rose I feel really awkward for you." My sister said with a pained expression. "What a jerk. He knows its you. Really obvious now." I sighed and I looked at him. Man. He was beautiful. I looked at my girls. "I'm going. Please come with me though, this is too much." But they immediately ditched me and I was left by myself. "Hey Samir!" I called. He turned. "Hey, what's up?" He checked me out and gave me a hug. He wasn't smiling nor looking me in the eye. "Nothing," I repiled, shyly hoping I wasn't looking too disgusting. He nodded."Nothing?" Samir looked at his phone and in an innocent tone he noted,"Oh you texted me."
Wow, jerk you think I'm an idoit? I SAW you taking out your phone and reading message AS SOON AS I had sent it. "Yeah!" I laughed. Then, Samir nodded and turned his back on me.

Jerk. Jerk. He's still mad and upset about me choosing Brody over him. He had messaged me on facebook, "jokingly accusing" me of not wanting to speak with him anymore and he just kept burning me over and over on the littlest things. Samir even had the audacity to say,"So, how's it goin with your man?" I know his feelings are hurt, but I don't think it's fair to me, if he acts like a jerk and try to make me feel terrible for my decision. I was being honest. "He's just mad at you and jealous of Brody, Rose." My sister had said. But you know what? He needs to get over himself, really. Just because you're hot football player, doesn't mean you get what you want. Samir's just the typical hotshot jock. He's not use to a lot of girls turning him down." Sometimes, the whole "honesty is the best policy thing" doesn't treat others very well. After my painfully awkward greeting with Samir, Elton had sensed the tension and gave me company. My sister and Karen were busy gawking at Matt Ryan, fighting their way to get his autograph. When the autograph signing was over, there were fireworks and sweet commotion. When the whole event was over, Samir kept his eye on me. My sister had noticed that. I just could not believe we bumped into him. The encouter was very terrible. I am so glad I didn't bump into Chris on top of that. Chris wrote on my wall on facebook that night, asking if I were at the game.

Gosh, never again. Seriously. Bumping into Samir at the gym would of been less severe... he had even watched me leave.

Dear Lord...

Now: Summer's End

I have Cheerleading practice all week( so demanding. ruined ALL of my plans yesterday.) Orientation is on Tuesday, and then classes start on Wednesday. JUNIOR YEAR, AW MAN HERE WE GO.

I'm enjoying my last late nights and freedom. I'm going to the park for icecream tomorrow and dance in the sun. Summer's goregous. I don't want her to leave me.

My Summer '09 Music Playlist

1) Day N' Nite-Kid Cudi

2)Starstrukk-30h3

3)Boom Boom Pow-Black Eyed Peas

4) Best I Ever Had-Drake

5)Successful-Drake

6)Clarity-John Mayer

7) In Your Bedroom-Cash Cash

8)The Birds- The Starting Line

9)Fire Burning On the Dance Floor-Sean Kingston

10)Seventeen-Metro Station

11)American Boy-Estelle feat. Kanye West

12) Ego-Beyonce ft. Kanye West

13) All Michael Jackson songs :)

14) The Fray's new abulm

15) More but I can't think of them.

Update Friday night! I've got a date with Brody Saturday. I'm excited. I think I may kiss him... :) and hold his hand just to know that I WILL be his girl.

You think you know me? Rose Valentine Part 4

Interesting Facts & Truths
1. I keep my Blackberry on literally 24/7. If something happens, I want to be there for that person. My sleep comes last.
2.Celery is NOT my friend. Even with peanut butter.
3.I entered highschool as a totally different person. Now, I can't even recognize myself-inside and out.
4.I have a secret identity. Yes, really I am not even joking.
5.I want to attend Colombia University and cheer there.
6. I want to become a trial lawyer
7. I like nice, expensive, things. I don't know why. I just like sophisticated things, restaurants, houses, L.A...
8.I wanted to become a movie star all throughout elementary. I can't act, so that dream is long gone.
9.I use to be a crazed obsessive Harry Potter fan. It's actually pretty scary. I am no longer like that.
10.Jacksonville Florida Native. And my parents are from Ghana, West Africa.
11.I met my grandpa for the first time at age 13.
12.I feel pressured easily.
13. I want to marry young, but not too young. I want to get my career and dreams in order first before I settle down.
14. I am bashful a lot of the times, especially with adults. Painfully so.
15. Whenever I talk to an amazingly attractive person, I can't look at them in the eye. Maybe it's my insecurity...?
16.I fear of getting into an abusive relationship. I've been told that I give people too many chances to mess with me and I ignore redflags in general. I am blinded by the goodness in every being.
17.When it comes to breaking off friendships or any type of relationships, I don't care how I feel.I worry myself sick of how the other person is going to feel or react. I'm changing that.
18.I have self-respect. To an extent.
19. I don't cry alot. I am generally a very happy person. Always always always laughing.
20. I talk really loud. My mom complains all the time.
21. My voice gets higher whenever I'm talking to boys that I like and adults. Weird.
22.I've had a slight (emphasis on 'slight') panic attack before. Literally for about a minute, I could not breath. It was a night before a very important Geometry exam and I was freaking out because I couldn't figure out just one problem.
23.I've always loved football, but I'm just now learning how to actually watch the game. Funny.
24. Diamonds.
25. White roses. Because it signifies purity.
26. I wear make-up to the gym. What a waste right? Only once have I entered Lifetime Fitness with absolutely no trace of make-up on my face. Once.
27.I have a rebellious streak when it comes to certain rules in the house. Specifically the dating rules.
28.Anger is not a bad thing. Jesus got angry. I don't like anger. Yelling, shouting, cursing... all not necessary at all. I'm calm most of the time.
29.I like making people signs, cards, baking cookies, etc for absolutely no reason. I love gift-giving. If I had the money, I would always buy my friends gifts.
30.I really like Hollister but I hardly have any money to get an outfit from there.
31. I still sleep with a teddy. He wears a purple sweater and its name is 'Brody Bear.' No, he is not named after Brody. I've had him long before I met my Brody. I really like that name. I've always had.
32. I hate grinding and dirty dancing. I refuse to do it.
33. In eighth grade, I read the dictionary. Yep, I read it. Not all of it, but tons. Then whenever someone insulted me, I would use big words as a weapon. That caught people off guard and they would just give me puzzled looks. Worked all the time. :)
34.Very heavy addiction to the mall. It bothers Brody, ha. Most of the time, I don't buy anything- I just want to be there. Besides it's Georgia. What is there to do?
35. I live in Georgia, but I'm not a fan of it. Although, downtown Atlanta is pretty awesome. I love the city life.
36. Busyness= happiness for me. Bordeom kills me. Really.
37. I'm 5"2.
38. I don't like Twilight... at all.
39. I have a short attention span when it comes to soccer and baseball.
40. Organic food
41. Started writing at age nine.
42.I haven't hosted many sleepovers. My mom gets touchy about it because everything has to be spotless and perfect before anyone walks in. Haha she's kind of snooty.. especially when it comes to houses.
43. When I was little, my sister and I were afraid of the tooth fairy. We slept in the bathroom one time.
44.I've only been to ONE concert. The Fray, June 12 2009.
45.Actually got kissed for the very first time when I was in elementary school. I erase that from my past and say that my real kiss was at 15. :)
46. I facebook stalk a ton of people.
47.I feel like everyone is growing up a lot faster than I am and that I'm falling behind. So I'm beginning to feel like I have to rush too.
48.Never been in a real relationship
49. I actually like it when people blow up my phone... well depending on who it is.
50.I like attention.
51. I am obsessed with brushing my teeth. I brush my teeth for five minutes everyday, three times.
52. I get my hair done every month.
53. I use to loathe my body. In middle school, all the other girls developed much faster than me and the guys made fun of my flat chest. I use to stuff my bra and feel so insecure. It was awful. Now, I don't even care about my breast size and I got involved in cheerleading and working out. I love my body.
54. This is not the end.

I love my sister

My sister Caroline Valentine, is getting confirmed in the name of Jesus on 25th of September and this is one of the most important days of her life. I am simply looking for letters that include affirmation, love, and support for this very special girl. The letter does not have to be super long, just full of love. :) Please, I will need your letters by August 14, via emaill at jesusinyoureyes@gmail.com. Thankyou so much! Please write to her, lol. She needs about five letters. Caroline would really appreciate it. :) We are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Love can come from a stranger.

Summer 2010 We Begin Again

Summer '09 is over, but I've got new plans for a new summer.
1. Staying up all night with Jesus

2.Tumbling on the beach

3.Writing project(Big plans coming soon)

4.College Tours and SATS(Oh Lord.)

5.Friends & dates

6. Working out

7.Surfing lessons

8.Grow out my hair

9.Warped Tour (16th anniversary. I HAVE to go)

10.Camp Covecrest (Sept. '08 my life changed... for good)

11. Ghana & England :D

12. Youth Group actitivites

13. Blogging. :)

14.Shopping Sprees

15.Lots of driving and hangouts. I would have my license for a while by then.

16.Park music festivals

17. Staying up till 4am on the phone with someone special

18.Summer Parties

19. Cheer camp

20. Movies, movies, movies

21.Soccer World Cup! (Right? hahah. I actually don't watch soccer, but I'm Ghanian and we have a good soccer team)

22.NBA (woo. Lakers. Gonna make it far, with Kobe.)

23. Watch football

24.Music. New Music.

25.Adventures. :D

26. Annual road trip to D.C

27. Aww senior pictures.

28.The Man Hunt 2010.

29. ATL First Annual Love March(This is a major project that I am planning to create. I will post tomorrow.)

30. Be happy!
31. Bonfires
32. More fun! yay

School starts on August 12. Uh. No. :( My school uniform is so loose, because half the time this summer I was working out. I have to find my shoes, my bookbag, reuseable binders and supplies, and ribbons. My summer is over now, because I have cheerleading stuff at school now. My last weekend of the summer is already taken up. GREAT. I am dreading junior year. At my school, it's a killer. The only things I'm looking forward to is, FOOTBALL SEASON,(I hope my school does well this year) CHEERING, license, car, and prom.