I just want to throw my heart in the garbage

My face is wet.
I told Redlight goodbye. Well, I wouldn't say goodbye. I still feel for him, but there were redflags and of course... there's Brody. I can't handle " just talking" to two guys. I felt like I was playing Brody when everyone said I wasn't. I can't help it. I feel like I'm tied down to Brody, although we are not in a relationship. Samir and I never went on a date, but he treated me like I was his girl and admittedly, I adored it. Brody has never made me feel that way and that's fantastic. Why? Because, we're both trying to be patient and let friendship grow before we call each other "baby". We're brother and sister in Christ and that's what is good for us. Samir makes me feel wanted. He wanted to know my heart inside and out He even told me himself. "I want to spend the whole day with you, Rose." Samir was so sweet to me, oh honestly he gave me crazy butterflies. And those good morning texts too. Wow. He was always thinking of me. I'm not use to that kind of treatment. It feels so good and so- so wrong. But, I did the right thing by being honest with Samir. Stephanie Callahan even told me that Samir wasn't good for me and I saw those redflags. Samir is charming, but he has his little dirty jokes that scare the crap out of me. I am beginning to think that Samir's sweet ways were sincere but also a way to tempt me. When Stephanie told him that I am an innocent girl, his immediate response was, "I can change that."

I remember my heart skipped a couple of beats. "Remember he's a guy, Rose and a lot of guys think it's fun to change an innocent girl." Stephanie expressed to me through a text.My eyes widened with sudden fear. "Um that scares me. I replied. "I don't want him to hurt me." "Oh I didn't mean it like that Rose, Samir said he won't do you wrong." Redflag number one. Redflag number two was the dirty jokes. Emphasis on the dirty.
Samir:"You can do chores for me and I'll pay. My chores are funner if you know what I mean. lol."
Me: No response.
Samir:"I was kidding."
Yesterday...
Samir:"So what you doin?"
Me:" Breakfast time haha."
Samir: "Hahahah save me some you can feed me."
Me:"yeah... hahaha."
Samir: "Oh yeah I likey."
Me: "chyeah...."
Samir:"Then I can feed you and then we could make out. lol."
Whoa.
Me: "No...."
Samir:"Lol... you suck."
A while ago...
Samir:"Can you do me a favor?"
Me:"What?"
Samir:"Send me a pic so I can see how cute you really are."
At first, I was wondering if he was just being creepy or... I don't know. He was being really presistent, so on Monday I sent him a headshot I had taken in May for Brody. He sent me one in return and he is as gorgeous as he looks on facebook and how Stephanie describes him. (They're friends by the way. They've hung out a lot of times.)
Anyway, Stephanie said that Samir and I aren't really good for each other and that I should continue to talk to Brody. "He seems right, Rose.She said."And really, you can't handle "just talking "to two guys, so end it with Samir." Of course, I started freaking out, fearing of hurting him. He even asked me out on a date with Stephanie and her boyfriend. Samir had sent me a text saying, "Baby" and I responded with this. "Samir. I like you, but I was talking to someone before you and I'm starting to like him more... I'm sorry."
"Hahaha it cool lol."
?
I started to cry because I was expecting the worst. I was expecting him to swear and get upset because according to Steph and his actions, he really likes me. And to my utter shock, he quickly changed the subject! "So what you doin?" I repiled, "Oh okay ha. I'm just chilling. How about you?"
"Yeah none just got done running for punishment lol... you broke my heart just kidding lol."
"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed and feverishly wrote back,"Oh my gosh Samir stop it. I'm really sorry..."
"I'm kidding. I promise. Chill." Tears started coming again. I honestly don't cry a lot and tonight, I felt like I just needed a good cry. I sent him a simple, "okay." and then he asked me if I were alright because Steph told him I was about to cry. "No not really. I typed, glumly. "But whatever ha."
"Why you not ok?"
I hesitated to reply truthfully. But I soon recognized that with Samir, I have no problem being open and honest. So I said this:"Because I thought I was going to hurt you and I absolutely hate hurting people and um I don't know..."
"I'm not hurt. I promise. Dont' worry." And I can feel the sincerity.
I feel awful. Yesterday, when I was about to lie (yes, lie) to Brody about me just wanting to be friends with him (because I beginning to feel so sure and mixed up with Samir) I had this sick feeling that I was about to lose something good, so I stopped myself. It was God. I've been praying about me and Brody for a very long time. The whole summer really... then here came Samir. I thought that he treats me better than Brody. I feel like Brody will never give me that attention and those feelings. Samir wants to know my heart. He wants to be with me. He showed it and even Steph implied it."He said that he thought he had you, Rose."
Hm.
I'm okay now. After writing all this down.
I cried because I want Brody to show me that he wants me the same way Samir does. The good morning texts, the sweet talk, 4 am talks, expressing the desire to see me, etc. Make me feel special. But do friends do that? Brody is right for me. The laidback, decent looking, basketball guy whom I can connect with through Christ. And Samir-the hotshot, gorgeous, Bosnian football star who is a very smooth talker. His words can make any girl melt. What a tempting offer.
But no.
The funny thing is, I feel like I didn't lose this time. Samir is not for me.
Honestly... my heart belongs in the garbage.