I'm feeling sad right now.Things are stale between me and Brody.
My intentions of working out this whole communication thing came out all wrong.
I feel so terrible and to be frank, I am certain that I lost Brody Mingram's interest.
Brillant Rose, just brilliant. Excellent job, just marvelous. Another good thing comes your way and you wrinkle and ruin it. You're the one with the communication problems. I will tell you the story later on, my readers. Right now I'm feeling too tired and regretful about it. I messed up "what could of been happening" with Brody before it even started. I can't seem to forgive myself. I know I'm being dramatic, but it's so pathetic how I'm really beginning to have feelings for someone and I end up becoming a brat without meaning to. Wow. && he's so sweet and forgiving and I feel like... I don't know. :( I do not swear, but I think the perfect word for how I view myself right now ,is a "female dog who can't seem to think right." I have learned that my intentions are good, but the words I use just don't come out fluently or they're just messy and full of nonsense. I woke up this morning feeling horrible. It was five am. I don't like being mean to people, so the situation was really picking at my brain. So, I rose from bed and prayed. I read the Bible and spoke to God. Brody didn't even contact me today. Ha, and I'm not surprised. Honestly.
I'm so mad at myself for being an idiot. I didn't mean to be mean. I didn't raise my voice, I didn't swear... it's plainly my poor choice of words. And actions.
Part of the reason why I'm having all these stupid situations explode in my face is because ,of my lost connection with God this summer. Summer started on the 23rd of May. Since then, I haven't been connecting with the Lord. I pray, but most of the time, not with my heart. My prayers are rushed because I'm battling sleepiness. I go to Mass with a head full of other stuff and I'm not fully listening. What's happening to me? I feel so far away from the Lord. && it hurts. I can't stand myself right now.
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2 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that things are getting kind of messed up with you and Brody :/ But sheesh, don't be so hard on yourself! No one can be absolutely perfect; all you can do is try to make the most out of the situation and hope for the best. I really hope that things will work out in the end! Good with everything and have a swell rest of the week :)
I'm sorry things aren't going to well with this guy! But let me just say I absolutly love love love your writing, its beautiful, and I love the MJ pics too, its good that he's remembered :)
I used to read your blog a while ago, and I've finally started blogging again, so if you have a chance, maybe you could read mine and tell me what you think?
God bless you!
Krosemarie :)
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