Things are getting back to normal(the quick version)

I know I said that I will only but happy things are here but...
The happiness is slightly wearing off. I'm feeling distant from God again. My heart is not opening up at Mass(That's what us Catholics call church service) and I'm not going to daily Mass anymore. I don't know why. My spiritual high is not so high anymore. I'm losing it. Things are getting back to normal. And, in my case that's a terrible thing. My life is totally different now. For a long time I felt close to Christ after the retreat and now... I'm drifting off. I need to get back on track. I need to pray more. I need to spend more time with God. Pray for me, readers.
Please?
School's a mess. Kids are drinking. Lexi is hanging with the wrong crowd and one of my other friends Audrey gets wasted... for fun. Homecoming drama sucks. But, it's all over now. Chris and I went to Homecoming and we had fun. He gave me my first kiss and we had the times of our lives. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes. Then...
He cheats on me.
Chris Angel cheated on me. He was at his cousin's party last Saturday and there was some girl who had a crush on him and she kissed him. And, Chris kissed back.
....
He called me the next day- Sunday(this past Sunday) and told me all this. It was early Sunday morning. About nine. He also told me how we rushed into a relationship and how we should of stayed friends longer. He said the distance(we lived 35 minutes away and we don't have a license or anything and with gas and all that...) was too much. He also said that he had alot of school and soccer going on and his friends were pressuring him to break up with me because we just met. It's true. We rushed. Chris is right about everything. But, of the fact of him actually deciding to cheat on me hurts. It hurts so bad. I was wreck yesterday. I cried on and off all day. The pain was real. I was so emotionally drawn into the relationship. I now understand the pain of a broken relationship. Even Lexi and my sister started to cry. Chris Angel, the boy we all thought was flawless. I never thought he would hurt me like that. I am glad he actually dialed my number and told me what happened. But, he doesn't care about me. At all. If he did, then he would've kissed that other girl. Chris basically told me that he chose to kiss the girl. He could of backed away. He give into pressure. Honestly, if I were in that position and a guy was trying to kiss me and if I were in a relationship, I would slapped him across the face and tell him to get lost because I have a boyfriend. Believe it. I always think of him. When I'm around other guys I didn't flirt or anything. I actually thought of him, because I cared. Everyone thought we were going to last for a long time. Our monthversary would of been on his birthday-November fourth. We had plans.(I was going to bake him a soccer birthday cake and then we were going to take a walk and go to Sonic for lunch. I was going to spend the whole day at his house) Which is also Election Day.

He told me that he would kiss me when Obama wins. I can't believe Chris hurt me. All those sweet phone messages, all those sweet things he would say to me. I thought he actually cared. He sang to me, called me beautiful, and told me he would take care of me. "Angel" by Jack Johnson is the song he dedicated to me. I'm deleting that off my ipod. The corsage he gave me on Homecoming and his bracelet he gave to me on our first date has to be dumped. I'm not mad. Believe it or not. I wasn't mad on the phone either. Honestly, I took all this well. I understood, I listened. Of course I cried, but it wasn't melodramatic. I didn't yell or get angry. I'm sad not mad. I couldn't even admit to anyone that he cheated until today. Until I talked to one of my good friends Jessica, and she gave me the cold hard truth. And you know what? I forgive him. I told him on the phone too. I honestly do forgive him. He was relieved that I took all of "this" well. "Rose, you're taking this so well..." Chris told me he still cares about me and he still has feelings for me. And that he didn't want to lose me as a friend at least. I'm starting to believe that he lied to me. He doesn't care about me. Oh my heart was so broken. So so broken. The break up was not a good one. He said that we could just "date" or just be friends. He wanted to leave that up to me.

I said just friends. He accepted and hung up. I woke up this morning and it hit me- the break up. I cried. Chris is no Prince Charming. And, he's not pure either. Sure he says "no" to premartial sex, but that's not just not it, you know what I mean? Purity is more than that. It's more than saying "no" to sex before marriage. Cheating and lying in a relationship is not purity. It's called being unfaithful. He admitted that what he did was totally wrong and unfaithful. "I'm sorry I hurt you like that Rose." He obviously likes that other girl. After all, no one would kiss someone they don't like. I wouldn't. It's funny how he said that I was all he ever wanted and how he wouldn't hurt me. It's funny how people say things and everything is screwed up. Chris Angel hurt me. I thought he was the most amazing guy I met. He use to be all I ever wanted. All of my friends are shocked. Melanie, his best friend said, "That's so unlike him!" He has no idea how much he hurt me. He's already moved on. I texted him after school and I got these weird vibes that he didn't want to text me at all. He asked me if I was okay and for a moment I got happy. "Omigosh he cares!" I exclaimed. I texted back and told I was fine (not really) and I told him I was worried about him yesterday and that I really wanted to talk to him. Chris's response: "I'm good. I only want to keep you as a friend ya know." My response: "I know."

Ouch. Yeah, but now I could care less. Jessica made me realize that Chris is not the one and that I deserve much better. I mean, he's not a bad person. He just made a bad decision, just like he said. And now, when I picture us kissing or at least try to, I see nothing. The memories are fading. I don't even want to be his friend. How can I trust him to be a good friend if he cheated on me? My first kiss? My first boyfriend? We were only together for two weeks. I told him everyhing. We got super close. I told him some private stuff too. But hey, does that really matter? My sister is ticked. Really ticked. I got too attached. Chris said he got attached too.
Hmm...
That doesn't matter. I'm going to delete that voice message and those meaningful text messages. They're all soo sweet. But I know there's a guy out there who is truthfully and honestly pure and much more sweeter than Chris. And that guy would be better. I can't save Chris's stuff if I want to move on. " God will heal you." Chris told me, quietly. God is the only one who can mend my broken heart. I'm okay now though. You guys won't hear about Chris ever again on here. It's over. After all this crap I don't even want to be in another relationship, or just "date" any guy for that matter. I can't see myself with anyone. I was a total wreck Sunday. I even left church early. I couldn't focus. So, I'm tossing the bracelet and the corsage out the window and those diary pages I will keep because, he's not all what I wrote about anyway. He was my first entry though and I read that to him. I read almost everything to him-well the stuff that I wrote about him. I didn't do anything wrong. I was good to him and he was good to me. Till Saturday. Whatever.
So things are back to normal and that song is playing in my ears as I type. Man. Break ups suck.


Please comment. And tell me what you think.
Note:10/22: Chris has a new girlfriend. I'm pretty sure he does. His relationship status went from "single" to "It's complicated with....
Wow. I found out on facebook. When I saw that I cried.