Happy Halloween!

Hey there. :)
It's Halloween!!! I'm not trick or treating this year. I haven't since eighth grade. All of my friends are going to the football game and I like football so, that's how I'm going to spend my Halloween. I'm not really into this holiday. Not really. I'm not really into "scary" stuff and all that. I'm more into Christmas- the closure, family, love, and joy. Anyway, this week whizzed by like any other week. I got my interims(middle semester grade report) and my grades are just average- four a's and two b's. I went to the Bible study at my school for the first time and I loved it. I learned alot and I had a great time. It was just us girls and the campus minster who runs the club, is such a teenager. I love her.

I don't know.... I feel fine now but I've been going through a lot of personal issues lately- issues with myself. (If that makes any sense) I've been talking to my big sister, Jessica about life in general and of course the topic ends up to boys and dating. I'm trying to discover myself, my readers and I am struggling. Whenever I talk to Jessica, I always get a mindful. I learn so much from her. ( She really isn't my big sister- She's a close friend). I'll post what Jess and I have been talking about. But, I'll tell you this- I'm falling behind in life. I am so happy that this month is coming to an end. This was probably the worst month ever. Things went horribly wrong and back to normal. September was the time of my life. Really. If you have been with me for a long time, you would know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I didn't get my backhandspring down( by myself) at cheer this week. :/ It's kind of frustrating. I've been doing this since July. Oh and guess what? Wednesday night I was at my church's "pizza and prayer" group and as I was writing a letter to God about my heartbreak, my phone vibrates. And in that letter, I told God on how (despite the "broken feelings" that I have for Chris) I still would like for him to call or text or facebook message me someday soon. Just to let me know that I'm still on his mind from time to time.Well, anyway, I ignored the text till the end of the session, and continued to write. At the end of the writing session (and as I was waiting for my ride) I took a look at my phone and guess who's name pops up?
Whoa. That was totally unexpected.
Chris Angel.
I honestly thought that (despite the fact of him saying that he wants to be friends) he would never contact me ever again. It felt weird for awhile not talking to him. When we were together and even we were just friends, I would always wait by the phone or at least have the phone nearby just incase he called.(which was often) It use to be a habit. My phone is silent, but I'm use to that now.
"Hey buddy how are you?"- Chris
"I'm great! And u?"- Me
"I'm good just chillin- Chris
"Cool. How's soccer?"
"Its good. How is cheer going for u?- Chris
"Its good. It's getting better."- Me
And, that's just about it. It'll probably be awkward for him to talk to me on the phone. For some reason, I have a feeling that Chris hasn't exactly moved on as much. Hmm... well it's all in the past now.I don't think of him much. Not anymore. God has healed me and mended my broken heart completely. The hurt is not there. I'm now concentrating on other things and also meeting some new guys.(part of Jess's discussion. post later) I've decided that I should date, as in casual dating instead of doing the official "boyfriend and girlfriend." I mean, I would like to meet someone new. I don't know... I just can't help but feel a tiny bit jealous of Mel and her new guy Spencer, as well as Savannah and Nick. (who started going out the same day Chris and I did)Mel is just casually dating Spencer though. I'm jealous of Mel on how Spencer's been taking a lot of interest in her. It reminds me on how I use to feel. But before, I stat to get to know other guys, I first need to find my identify through God and actually know what I'm looking for in a guy. (It's going to take time. I'm shy around just about anybody. Especially boys and I don't communicate well with them at all. Not all the time)I don't know who I am, and I don't know what I want. I'm ready for it. Besides, one bad experience can't just throw me off.