Jesus loves me

I'm getting ready for my date with Jesus.

We meet up every night by my window, no matter what time it is. Jesus always shows up. Distance is never a problem.I can't see him, but I know he is there, listening and watching me. He listens to my pain, my happiness, and my laughter. His comfort secures me like a blanket wrapped around my body. Jesus tells me that He loves me all the time. He looks into my heart and sees the good. He looks into my eyes and tells me that He sees beauty. Jesus makes me special, safe, and secure. He will never break my heart. He would keep the pieces glued together, pounding furiously with love. Love. Jesus is love. God is love.I write to God alot. He is my diary and I tell him everything. But, the distance with both God and Jesus is what I feel. Distance. I need to get closer. The fire in my heart is dying. My spiritual fire has gone out completely. I must rekindle it and get back on track. Right now, my main concentrations

• Forming a stronger relationship with God and Jesus
  
• School
• Cheerleading
• Moving on(I'm feeling much better :). It gets better each day)

Anyway, I just got back from the football game and my school dominated. Yay! The Golden Lions are undefeated. We're 8-0. Oh yes. :) It was terribly freezing and it was the student area(we the highschoolers and middleschoolers hangout) was half empty. I hung out with Evan throughout the whole game and we had fun, although we wished we have gone shopping instead. A group of guys from the school we were playing against called me over. My friend Stephanie was hanging out with them and she called my name. Evan and I were standing on the top steps and seeing Stephanie with those guys made me frightened, so I didn't come. The boys figured that, so they all began to call out my name and they raced up the stairs to meet me. "Rose!""Rose!" Oh. my. gosh. There were like, fifteen of them.

I started to freak out like crazy and they all surrounded me at once. I was shaking all over. The guys were ghetto and were certainly looking at me inapporiately. I didn't know what to do. Evan quickly backed away from the scene. I just laughed nervously the whole time. They began to introduce themselves and one perve grabbed my arm, trying to pull me close and looked at me like I was some piece of meat. I tried to let go gently, but I was laughing nervously still so the guy didn't take me seriously. He looked young- probably a freshmen or an eighth grader. "You got a phone?" He asked, huskily eyeing me with lust. "Yeah." I replied, giggling shaking all over. Oh goodness.
"Can I have your number?"

I don't think that's necessary."

I responded to his question while I was laughing, so he didn't take me seriously. I'm so stupid. I was so scared of them. I didn't know what to do. I should of told them to back away. Stephanie saved me at that point. She pulled me away. " Why can't I have your number?" The boy cried out. " Because she has a man." Stephanie snarled. The boy looked thoroughly disappointed. "Oh." He said, and he turned away.Stephanie lead me away from the crowd. "Let's go Rose." We walked away and I frantically looked for Evan. "I shouldn't of called your name, Stephanie said apologetically, when we found Dennis and Evan talking in a corner. Ya think? Those guys were scary. I passed the boy who asked for my number during the game, and he playfully punched me on the back with a smile then checked me out again. I nearly gagged. I'm so weak. I should of told him off. "Get away from me,you pervert!" I should of shouted to him. Seriously, I was frightened of them.My school doesn't have a huge stadium, so I always saw the guys around. They wanted me to participate in their stupid dance battle. No way.

&& for some reason my readers, I liked the attention. I didn't like the fact that the guys were all looking at me impurely, but I liked the fact that I caught their eye(in the sense they wanted to talk to me. that's what I mean. not the checking me out part) and wanted to introduce themselves to me.
I'm an idiot.

My best friend Natty sent me what I call a "get well soon" card.It wasn't exactly a "get well soon" card. It was card for me to feel better about the break-up and all this. She's such a sweetheart. That's a true friend right there. I'm getting over Christopher. Really, I am. So what if he moved on two days after our break-up. I'm not going to do the same thing-throwing myself in someone's arms. However, this relationship it made me feel less independent-slightly. But also, this past relationship has given me a bit of confidence. Chris helped me realize that I DO have beauty and that I am worth something. We had something special and different. Chris helped me realize that I have alot to offer to people. He changed me. But, I don't need him at all. He's not really in my life right now. We don't text or talk nor message each other on facebook anymore.I'm just not going to rush in relationship or date right now. And honestly, anyone who gets into another relationship two days or soon after breaking off another, obviously can't stand on their own.

Maybe Chris is lonely or something.I'm officially allowed to date and be in a relationship next year, my junior year of highschool. Telling my parents about Chris (when were started to be in a relationship) was kind of difficult because I basically broke the rules. My mom ended up not caring anyway. Actually, it was easier to tell my parents about the break-up. Is that bad? Is that a sign or something?My mom brought Chris up on the car ride home from school and she thinks all of "this" isn't that big of deal. "It's a learning experience, Rose." Yes, but I guess she doesn't know how I attached I was and how my heart's desire is to be loved.

I definitely spending sometime with God and with myself this weekend. I can't go to Netherworld with my friends, because my sister has a band competition and I want to be there to support her. On Sunday, I'm going to shopping and I'm going to see Highschool Musical by myself. Evan may come along, but I would rather be by myself on that day. Then, I will go to evening Mass and youth group.