I was just flipping through my diary, my letters addressed to God, and I asked Him this:
"Why is the word 'perfect' even in the human vocabulary if nothing in life is perfect?" The perfect and shameless life? Don't count on it. The perfect parents, children, and marriage? Dream on. Perfection is nothing. Perfection is nothing because, perfection is not even reality. Only God is perfect. Only what He does is flawless. Everyone and everything else... no way. Since middle school, I have always thrived to be the 'perfect student'. I pushed myself further each year and in eighth grade I was the girl whom everyone called, "The nerd", or "Smart Girl." Honestly, I didn't have a life in middle school. I was a nerd. A total nerd. I didn't wear make-up and I thought cheerleading was totally absurb.(Well, I acted like I hated it, but deep down, I wanted to try it out.) I was just this obsessive Harry Potter fan girl who read the dictionary and used my colorful vocabulary somewhat obnoxiously. (And as a defense when the boys teased me)Also at the time, I thought having a boyfriend was gross. "What?! I would exclaim, to people if they asked me then."Boyfriend? PUH-LEASE. I don't have time for that! I have to study!" It's quite funny actually. I found one of my seventh grade classmates on facebook last night and this what he said, " Oh yeah, I remember you. You were the girl who always used big words and always called me 'boorish' or something like that."
I laughed when I read that comment on my page. It was all true. I was madly infatuated with my school books and I carried the dictionary all over school. That's so ridiculous. I mean, there were still areas that I struggled with in school, but I studied way too much which made me sort of inactive. Freshmen year, I was kind of the same, but I let myself relax more. This year, (my sophomore year) I wear make-up, cheerlead, and balance out work and play. I'm not hooked on Harry Potter and I am certainly into dating and boys. I mean, I do alright in school. I don't get straight a's. I'm just average. I wish I could get straight a's. I really try to but, it's always that math grade that gets in the way. It has always been that way. In middle school, I would get so embarrassed about my math learning disability. I didn't want anyone to find out that I was put in a program called, "special ed" for math. Everyone thought I was a 'clever girl' and I liked that kind of attention. People who were in special ed were ridculed and made fun for being "slow and stupid." The other kids who made remarks like that really hurt my feelings and I would feel ashamed. The special ed program helped me tremendously. ( I did manage to get a solid "90" in math on my report card the last semester in eighth grade) The teachers believed in all of us and helped us cope.
I still get math help and I have a tutor and everything. I don't push myself to be "the perfect student", because that's totally impossible. I study and work hard. I push myself to be a responsible student and to always try my best. Just because you don't get straight a's doesn't mean you're not intelligent. School is tough. And... my brain aches right now. :/ I've been studying on and off since 8 am. I have a Spanish final and three other tests tomorrow. HORRIBLE. I'm really not liking my teachers right now. I still have to work on religion, but I'm going to settle down with that in the evening. :)
By the way, I'm going on 'exam lockdown' starting tomorrow. Meaning- no blog, no cellphone, or facebook till the nineteenth. I need to focus.
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7 comments:
i dislike the word perfect is nothing can be perfect y even use the word
this post really speaks to me honestly ;)
Aww this post is kinda cute! Harry Potter nerd, hahaha Rose. I agree with u all the way.
yah some dresses can be amazingly b-e-a-utiful ;)
Well hey I have finals, tomorrow. Which means two hour lunches, and cumulative reviews, and throwing up all the information I learned (or thought I learned) from first semester, and burning toilet paper rolls, and two hour lunches, yeah I'll focus on that.
*sigh* I know I'm smart, and way too lazy. If I could only find some motivation, something to catch my eye. It's true, everyone tells me I'm smart, and some of the tests say that too, not all of them of course wouldn't that be something. Only now is it just starting to catch up with me, in my Junior Year. I have a dangerously bad work ethic, to the point of arrogance almost. Insane.
Perfection: the theory of realife infinity. OR One of several words that at least partially Om.
(Sry, just read Siddhartha)
Uhh, I understand completely. I wish I was a straight A student too.. I've always been pree average, but able to stay on high honors all my life. Its my goal to keep that going all through high school :)
By the way: I'm friends with the girl you have a picture of on the post below this one, on myspace. Haha! :D
Hey guess what, I tagged you. Skid-addle over to my blog and read mine then make yours. Yay, here are the rules.Rules:
1.Each blogger must post these rules first.
2.Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3.Blogger s that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things.
4.At the end of your blog,you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
5.Don't forget to leave them a comment,telling them that they've been tagged and to read your blog.
Byeee -Ada
hye rose :) i need ur email cos my blog is for invited readers only :D thanks
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