What I learned this summer

Love blows, period. According to a few of my friends, I never seem to choose the right guy. It's true. And because of that, I am legitimately afraid to give any guy a chance, fearing they will turn out rotten like the rest. I know what I want but everything always ends up in hurt. I get blinded I guess. My mind gets caught up in silly, stupid, Disney fairytale crap and I ended getting more hurt then I should be feeling. I brush off the little bad things and just see fantasy and not reality. I don't know why on earth I does this. Can you anyone explain this to me?SERIOUSLY, PLEASE.Blame it on the guys? Nah, blame it on me, Rose. I don't even know what I have to offer to any guy, anyway. Seriously, if someone were to tell me to make a list of what I have to offer to someone, my paper will be blank. I don't know what I've got.I guess my standards are unrealistic or maybe it's the emotional absence of a father.My dad and I barely have a relationship. Don't get me wrong, he's a great daddy and despite the infidelity and drama, I still love him because he cares about me. We just don't connect and talk. We went out to lunch one weekend and we were both glued on our blackberrys throughout the whole time. Even the waiter pointed that out.I hate this stupid stuff, I quit. Whatever. It's senior year, screw it and forget it. College is far more important anyway and my mind's on point with that for sure. It's better being friends than lovers, because in general, people stay longer in friendships. Love just makes everything messy and someone gets hurt and all this crap that no one deserves. It makes me angry, because love shouldn't be this difficult! It's not created to hurt us...right?

I know in relationships, everything is not great and dandy all the time. They take work, but why do our hearts have to suffer so much?! Most of you readers on here are fully aware of what happened between Rasul and I, and how much crap and drama he brought into my life. Just to let you know, I refrained to give you readers the rest of the details, because I am still trying to move on from the anger. I don't understand what's happening to me. I pray and pray and pray, but honestly my darlings the boy makes it so difficult for me to forgive him. He kept doing these childish things that were driving me insane. I have never had someone hurt me so bad that has taken such an effect on me. My feelings have taken a dramatic twist. I honestly do not like him at all. In fact,I almost hate him. I really don't want to feel this way, darlings and I'm trying to stop it.And yes, to make it quite clear I am aware that people are not perfect and I don't expect boys in relationships to be a perfect boyfriend. I think some people on here judge me as if they truly know me, saying I'm "obsessed with boys" or "obsessed with the male gender", etc. Yes, I am a boy crazy seventeen year old girl, but I have goals and dreams that I actually do work on. I'm not obsessed with guys and my focus isn't solely on guys. I just like boys, big deal lol. I hope I don't sound rude or too blunt or anything. I just wanted to point that out there, because those comments aren't who I am.