Love Scared

He held me in his arms and grabbed my hands in the most romantic way.

Everything felt right.

I can remember everything.

Especially the way I was afraid of being touched. My body chemistry was bad, but I had no intention to be rude. I was just really nervous. Brody Mingram had come up to me at our meeting spot in the mall with such confidence, and hugged me. He is an incredibly tall, broad shouldered guy with such a cute face. I trembled... literally. He then graciously paid for my movie ticket and asked me what I had done that day. I bought him a smoothie , and two packs of Sour Patch Kids (his favorite)then we were off to the movie. The movie theater warmed up and I was beginning to sweat. So, I kept my hands and feet to myself, making it pretty clear that I didn't want to cuddle. It was a scary movie and I would squeal and scream and shake. Brody Mingram wasn't really paying attention to the movie. He kept glancing my way, making comments about the movie, and asking me repeatedly if I were alright. At the time, it didn't click in my mind that he wanted to hold me. "Are you okay, Rose? You look really scared." "Are you okay, Rose?" And every time I would reply with a breathless laugh and say, "Yeah, I'm fine."

He didn't buy it.

Regardless, I kept my eyes forward, praying to God that I wasn't sweating profusely. It wasn't just the heat that was making me sweat. Actually, it wasn't that hot. It was Brody making me sweat. As the movie progressed, Brody suddenly whispers to me, "This part gets really scary."

I looked at him with a smile. "Really?" I believed him. He had seen the same movie two weeks ago." Yeah, he said. He then opened up his arms. "Want to prepare?" I gave in and I was locked in his arms. I could hear and feel his steady heartbeat and his breathing had magically calmed me down.

&& then Brody slowly but surely locked his fingers into mine. It was amazing. His gesture was perfect and incredibly romantic. I would look at our hands and see my purity ring glisten in the faint light. He squeezed my hand once and when I squirmed from the awfully gross scenes, he held me tighter. You can imagine how I was feeling. I have to say, a tiny alarm went off my head. You just met him , girl. What are you doing? This is the first date, you can't cuddle on the first date. You moving fast and that is exactly what you want to avoid. But I wasn't feeling uncomfortable. I felt safe and protected. And then as soon as the movie ended, I pulled away. For a few seconds, Brody just stared right ahead and then we gathered our things and headed out. Perhaps I had pulled a little bit too quickly. Looking at him I mumbled, "I'm going to use the restroom."

"Okay."

As soon as I had found an empty stall ,I emptied my bag and reapplied deodorant and my favorite Victoria's Secret body spray. I then checked my face and my hair then left. Brody was standing against the wall, texting. He smiled when he saw me approach and then we left. Sadly without a car and with just a learner's permit I had to wait for my ride. Brody has his license and a car. I felt like such a little girl. Or maybe I am one. :/(I don't get my license till November. And a car? Probably end of senior year.) How embarrassing.He waited with me. I told him that he didn't have to, but he insisted. "I would feel bad if I leave a girl stranded out here. I can't do that." Meanwhile, we spoke while checking our phones and I handed Brody his gift. When my mom finally arrived, I introduced him, we took a picture, and we departed. About thirty minutes later, I had gotten a text from Stephanie Garcia who was ecstatic, and from Brody.

"I had a good time tonight. =)"

We texted each other for the rest of the night. There was another big NBA game we were both watching. He's a Magic fan and I'm for the Lakers. I then spoke to my friend, Jessica Davis and we talked about my date. We talked for hours. Jessica is my 'love doctor' so whenever we talk, it's serious. According to her, Brody had made a fast move. "He needs to back it up. You can't do that on the first date! He's way ahead of himself." But cuddling is innocent, and it's not like I was feeling violated. "And Rose, you need to calm down. I mean seriously, there's nothing wrong with holding hands on the first date. Gawd, even if he accidentally brushed against your boob(which he did... accidentally when he tried to hold my hand.) you would freak out and get all crazy." We busted out laughing. She was right. Honestly, I did freak out just a bit.

I moved back a little and got less closer. At first, I thought he was trying to touch me because, it happened more than once, and then I realized that we were both sitting at a weird angles and whenever he moved he just accidentally touched me... right? Yeah, Rose. Duh. He was holding your hand! But crazy thoughts soon scattered my mind. "Wait, oh my gosh is he really trying to touch me? Is he touching me?! Now c'mon, girl. You would know for sure if he were touching you. Relax and watch the movie.But of course, I didn't tell Jessica that. I also have to make sure that Brody opens doors, etc as well. I actually wasn't paying attention to that, but those gestures are very important. && come to think of it, I don't think he did open doors.He held them open but... I mean, he let me choose the seats in the theater,("Yeah, so he can look at your butt, Rose." Jessica stated.) he paid for my ticket, and asked if I were alright, etc.

The second date, I'm watching Brody's actions. He's really sweet, intelligent,(because he's always proving me wrong, haha.) and he's easy to talk to. I wanted him to tell me that I looked pretty ,but he would gaze at me from time to time.and maybe he was too nervous to say anything.

"You're really sweet."

"Ha really? How so?"

"Ha well.... :). You paid for my ticket and then you waited with me and then you calmed me down during the movie."

"Hahaha oh well this is true. =).Wanted to make u happy."

&& I am so love scared.

I talked to my friend, Daynee Cash about these new feelings and she gave me sincere advice. I told Jessica as well. "Don't be scared, girl. Jessica spoke, softly.I don't want you to be scared. Talk to Jesus about it." And she also stated,

"Hmm, he's a six two, fine basketball player with a car? Be careful, girl. He sounds like a jock. And they're usually not that bright and they do things. Plus he's the same age as you and guys our age are stupid. And you ARE dateable, Rose. Don't tell yourself otherwise.I mean, you're cute, you're a cheerleader, and you're popular. Boys want to date you ,and even though a lot of them know that your sexually pure, they're still going to try you."

I'm building a wall.

I want to be a chase.

But I'm so love scared, and if Brody Mingram really does want to be with me, he's just going to have to make those walls tumble and fall. I don't hand out my heart like valentines. He has to earn my heart.

I have to relax, but I'm not going to "make myself at home" and be comfortable. I have to search him some more. I'm a terrible dater. I was laughing at everything he said and also with my terrible body chemistry I won't be surprised if Brody thought, "Dang, what is her problem? She acts all interested on facebook and through texting, and then we go out, she doesn't say anything!"

&& Brody and I are definitely more than friends.

Yeah?