Uhhh me?

Just got back to school after a glorious five day weekend. Last week ended well- we beat our rival school in jv volleyball and most importantly FOOTBALL. (In. your. face. haha. sorry. it's been like five years since we've beaten our rival school in football. They're just too good) Anyway, I've been busy busy busy with school and everything and now here comes confirmation. Yay! I am VERY excited for that. The retreat is this weekend(which is also very exciting) but I have to miss the first school dance and something else important. Wa. :/ My faith is a gift and it's more important than anyting. A dance is just a dance and a boy is well... just a boy. (my post) Anyway, I've been having a hard time with two things- getting closer to Christ and my self confidence. I just feel so unbelieveably distant from Jesus. Okay, picture me and Jesus out on a field and spread very far apart. Picture me running out to Him with my hair flying wildly behind me, my face into a wide grin. I'm calling His name, "Jesus!" "Jesus!" And, I reach out and try to touch Him and grab His hand.

I can't.

I try to get closer, but I just can't seem to grab His hand. I can't get closer. I feel so distant... so lost in life. And basically with my self confidence it sucks... majorly. I'm going to have to fix that immediately because it's affecting me in everything I do. Don't get me wrong, some days I'm pumped, but there are too many of those days where I can't feel good about myself. I've talked to God about this a few times, and I always cry at the end. I've been doing alot of that as well. I cheered my worst yesterday and I broke down on my way home. I felt like I wasn't improving and one of my coaches was getting a little bit frustrated with me. Gosh, I'm such a baby. Anyway on to my post...

About two months ago I mentioned a guy called Chris on here. No, not the school hottie but the other one, the one who is looking for a girl. (It's on the July post somewhere if you want a little more info) To avoid confusion, lets call this 'Chris', Chris Angel. Well, Chris Angel is a really good friend of one of my best cohorts, Mel. He told her that he was looking for a pure and innocent girl to be with because he was tired of seeing all the hoochie mamas at his school. Mel automaticly brought my name up and planned for us to meet during the summer. I had cheer at the time the day was assigned, so we didn't get to meet up. A month passed, and one night Mel told me to add Chris Angel on facebook. I did what I was told and I started talking to him, but not right away. I perused Chris' profile and was pleased. This boy is open about Jesus and looks up to God and Jesus as his ultimate strength and refuge. Like me, he puts his faith first. After I made this discovery I excitingly explored his music playist. BAM! Same music taste. Yay. :) Next, I took a peek at his pictures and was overcome with an, "Aww he's soo cute!" Hhhaha. I told Mel everything- even my cheesy"Wow, you have a great taste in music" message I sent him. :p

Chris and I talked from time to time. We didn't get personal or anything, though. No need yet right? We techincally met online through our friend. So anyway, this boy just pops in my mind the other day and I talked to God about him. Somehow, I was feeling something for him. A guy I barely know! But it wasn't that kind of feeling. It was a "Is God trying to tell me something?" feeling. This may sound crazy, but the way Mel talks about how Chris and I were "meant to be" made me think a little. Not only that, but the way she described him flattered me greatly. I don't know my readers, I just feel something may happen between us. So today (right before geometry class had started) I walk up to Mel and say, " I want to meet Chris Lewis!" I beamed and she beamed happily in return. " Oh my gosh!" She began to babble, her beautiful blue eyes glowing. " I talked to him!" You can imagine my reaction. I squealed and plopped myself into the desk that was infront of her. " You did?!" I piped. Yes. Yes!! " Yes, she said, exuberantly. " I told him everything. I told him how you liked how he's open to Jesus and how you are too! I told him everything about you and he was like, "Wow, thankyou Melanie for doing this for me. I really really want to meet her." He also said that he was interested."

!!!!

"Oh my gosh really?!" I squealed(this time the whole class had arrived, but I could care less)

"Yes! He really wants to meet you, Rose. He really really does. He thinks you're cute too."

"Score!" I screamed. My friends in my class started laughing and when the bell finally rang, I dashed to my seat in very high spirits. But there was one more thing...

"Oh, Mel said. " He wants to see you at the game on Friday."

DANNNNG IT.

"Noooo! I cried, melodramatically. "Confirmation retreat!" Ah. Dang.

"Well, it's okay. We can all hang out one Saturday."

Grr. I want to meet Chris Angel now. Wow. All this time I thought a guy wouldn't want to be with me...Rose. I use to think that I couldn't match with any guy and that no one wanted me. I talked to God about this too. I just can't see any guy wanting to be with me. A part of me is doubting about what's going to happen between Chris and I. I can't believe Chris Angel wants to meet me. Of all the intelligent, beautiful, girls out there, Chris wants to see... me. Plain, confused, weird, stupid Rose. I am excited and I love the wait. Oh I do hope something happens, and then I again I don't. Am I too young for this? Aahhah thinking way too far ahead. Slow down Rose... slow down.

I enjoyed typing this post. :)