Friendship

Friendship.
Another beautiful gift.
But I keep losing it.
And I don't know why.
During my entire freshmen year, I lost three friendships. Three. That is too many "missed" calls, forgotten laughter, and lost words. The first one ended harshly. My guyfriend, Houston had a crush on me and he wanted to ask me to the Homecoming dance but, he heard from somewhere(the school is way too small. you have to keep your mouth shut) that I didn't feel the same way and he gave up on asking me. Soon enough, Houston started to act like a jerk to me and my friend Chelsea. He taunted me about my hair(He was asking me if my hair was real etc) and asked Chelsea personal questions on why she didn't wear makeup and how much she weighed. Honestly, this guy was just an idiot and he obviously didn't know how to talk to girls. I'm not angry at him still- I don't hold grudges but whenever I think about it, I scoff and shake my head. Houston and I stopped talking. We hadn't talked for several several months and then spotaneoulsy, he greeted me in the hallway and I replied back with a smile.

The second time was also a very good guyfriend of mine. His name was Matt and I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance. After that very awkward "I- don't- know- what- I'm- doing" date, we started to have a crush on each other, but we were still very good friends. Matt was pressured by his friends to ask me out and everything but somehow (once again) someone told him that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. His best friend, Joe keep making visits to my locker and gave me orders to call him, etc. Matt gave up on me, stopped talking, and went onto my friends. Great. That was very painful to me because, he couldn't even stand being in the same room with me. Whenever I enter a room or a group he was in, he detaches himself away from the group or he would instantly leave the room. I just began to ignore it. We talked very little in school, and on facebook he just ignores me. Joe wants us to be a couple, and randomly one afternoon, he texted me and asked me a bunch of questions about my feelings towards Matt.

My sister predicted the reason why he couldn't speak up. She said the reason was that I probably reminded him of his ex. (who dumped him for no reason after two weeks in the eighth grade). No way. It's sad to me because I remember vividly how we first met and whenever I think about it, I can't help but beam. It was a cute little meeting and in a way, our first greeting was sweet. I miss talking to him. I want Matt as friend, not as a boyfriend.

Last was Colleen. She was my first friend in highschool. We met at the math summer camp that our mothers forced us to go to. We hit off right away, and according to my diary, we talked everyday. We were becoming best friends. We talked alot and we spent sometime with each other over the weekends. We would talk on the phone for hours and hours all weekend long and email each other at school. We were extremely close. But, there were several things going wrong. Colleen lies. No, not white lies. These lies were unrealistic and a cry for attention. She told everybody, that her so called boyfriend, tried to get her pregnant. She tried starving herself for attention and she would make up these crazy stories about nothing! Colleen secretly wanted attention. She wanted people to like her and admire her, so she lied. And, she would lie to me consistently, one lie after the other. Come to think of it, I recall Chelsea warning me about her. "You can be friends with her, Rose she said, in a warning tone.But be careful. Don't tell her anything."

She even spilled a secret out(it was minor but I told her to keep quiet about it) after two hours of telling her specifically, not to tell. Quietly, I lost trust and gave my friend another chance. Colleen would gossip, and gossip about my friends. At one point she even used Mel so she can get an invite to Lexi's party, just because Lexi is wealthy. During this summer, Colleen stayed for the weekend. She lied, gossip, etc and that when when I had enough.I called Colleen and I told her I didn't want to be friends with her anymore. I explained to her why, and she busted into tears. She didn't deny any of it. We hung up after twenty minutes and she started beseeching me with text messages. She told me that I was her best friend. Truthfully, I was her best and only friend.

But how can I be friends with someone who isn't true? I felt terrible, because I hurt someone and I don't like hurting people.Tears trickled down my face after we hung up. It had to be done. Colleen sent me an email and once again, talked crudely about my friend Ali(this wasn't the first time) on how she wasn't a true friend. I just sat there and I didn't even bother to reply. When will this girl learn her lesson? The next day, the girl sends another and apologizes on her bad behavior because she had a terrible day or something like that. I didn't buy it. Honestly, I'm done. I don't even want to talk to her.

So, there you have it. Did you notice anything about the three stories? They have ONE thing in common.
Lack of confrontation.
With Houston I just got defensive and boorish whenever he made a mean remark. I didn't pull him aside and told him how I really felt. Matt and I didn't even talk about any of it once. Where has our friendship gone to, Matt? And with Colleen, I only confronted her once. As much as I tell my friends to confront with their boyfriends, I can't even take my own advice when it comes to frienshship. I don't why, but I'm obviously an idiot. Please don't make the same mistakes I did. We need friendship. We need friends for comfort and for just about anything else. Most importantly, we need true friends. Friendship is very very fragile. When it demolishes into pieces, sure can paste together again but like the pieces of a broken vase, it won't be the same. My mother has always told me that in life, I need at least one good friend. Especially when I become an adult. I do have alot of friends who are true to me, and I'm not letting go.

cheer quote of the day- "Cheerleading is all about the smiling and the confidence."