His name is...Matt<3

Lately, I haven't been myself. In other words, my mind is warped with all sorts of things that confuse me. As I grow older, my feelings toward the opposite sex changes dramatically. Just last year(eighth grade) I had this strong feeling, somewhat hatred towards boys. Ha, no. That's an exaggeration. I just really fed up with them and I based my life on stereotypes that were directed towards boys. Yes, in middle school I was quite narrow minded. I still don't understand why I felt this way when I was desperate when it came to boys. I was an idiot. Now, that I am in high school,(I did alot of growing up during the summer) my mind is clear and open. Although, believing that "not all boys are perves", etc is a challenge for me. My eyes just can't seem to open and look farther. Perhaps I'm relying on the media and what others tell me instead of the truth.

To clear this all up, I am NOT sexist. Really I'm not. So anyway, my point is, when it comes to crushes I tend to feel very strongly. Not necessarily obession and definitely not love. Occasionally, I may doodle my name with my crushes' in class but, most of us girls do that, correct? Actually, I'm now into what I call, "couple combo names" like they do in Hollywood.(Zanessa, Bradgelina,Wentlee,etc) it's fun to use my classmates names and just make cute names. I know, I know. What a total time waster.
:)

Well, I am sure by now, strangers that you've guessed that I have fallen for someone. What I mean by "fallen" is not love. I DO believe that teenagers can fall in love and can achieve true love but I know for certain that I am NOT in love. His name is Matt. And let me tell you, when I first met him I couldn't even image liking him more as a friend. The first time we spoke, Matt was flirting like mad and I was just laughing it off. We would talk before and after school. We would greet each other whenever we got a chance. Then right before the Christmas hoildays the school announced a Sadie Hawkins dance. At the time, I wasn't interested in any boy. There was one boy I would of liked to ask and I didn't even know his name. Lol! He's just a really cute sophomore in my lunch period.

My mom told me to make a list of my guyfriends who I wouldn't mind asking to the dance. My problem was not the asking. Believe me. It was choosing the right boy. Finally, I came to the conclusion.
"Why don't I ask Matt?"
My friend Chelsea read my mind and said to me,"Why don't you ask Matt?" "You read my mind!" I had exclaimed, with a beam.
"Yeah, he would love it." I was so excited to ask him. I couldn't wait till the end of the day. When the time finally came, I pulled him aside and asked. I was slightly nervous but, I have no problem asking boys out. (I asked one guy to Homecoming before and that's about it) Matt blushed with pleasure and said,"Sure." Afterwards, we walked down the hallway together in excruciating silence.

I won't deny the fact that Sadie Hawkins was awkward. It was terribly awkward. Matt is really bashful person, and his stupid friends kept pressuring him to do "stuff" with me. The slow dance, I must say was romantic. Very romantic and very nice. It was Matt's first time as well as mine, so it was "awkwardly cute." We didn't know how to approach each other. I even remember the song we slow danced too. "Until the End of Time" by Justin Timberlake. Matt even got me a rose but, he offered to put it away for me and lost it. Lol. How disappointing. Anyway, after Sadie our friendship got terribly awkward and it sort of shatter for quite some time. We became awkward friends. We both liked each other very much but Matt was alot shy about then I was and his immature cohorts got involved, so he started to avoid me.

Thankfully, Matt and I are "okay" now. Slowly, getting back into the "I think I like him, "I think I like her" phase. Now, after that loong story I'll tell you about Matt. You probably already pointed out the fact that he's incredibly sweet and gentle. He's so innocent-like a little boy! Isn't that adorable? And, he's very, very intelligent and very cute. :) He has the most beautiful big brown eyes I have ever seen. As I got to know him, I noticed how cute he was! And what a nice guy he truly is. A lot of the other guys and girls teased him because he is quote on quote, "weak", and "just weird." Some said it would be "cute" if we were together or "wrong" because he's white and I'm black. My friends would tease him in my company and for sometime, I was embarrassed about my date. Now, I am not.

Another reason why I would consider dating him, is because he's different. I admire different because I am different. He's not "Mr. Popular" and I like that. Matt is my type. Pure, kind, sweet, patient, intelligent, and different. And of course, he's a cutie. I just really hope that maybe someday, even if it takes Matt till sophomore year, to pluck up the courage to say something. I know he's been wanting to for a very long time. (Valentine's day was suppose to be the day...) He's tried to move on, I see. He started to crush on some of my friends (Lexi, Savannah, and Vienna) and that hurt for a bit. But according to Vienna, Matt still has a thing for me.


It's the truth right?